 THE PRICK, From a 10 word challenge |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Feb 18 07, 04:57
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#1
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends  |
 THE PRICK Within the compass of his home beneath a hemispheric dome of clear perspex, upon a tray were cheese and crackers on display Gloss magazines could not have shown them better; wine from Côtes du Rhone was on his bar, there too a map, casually placed, all meant to trap And this, more artifice than art had purpose, to capture a heart of virgin white, one still quite pure if she would bite, accept his lure How fortune frowns upon the sly the lass, while on her way, had spied some ripe blackberries, pricked her thumb so crying, she’d run home to Mum Alan McAlpine Douglas (Challenge words : compass tray cheese crackers magazine wine bar map art blackberry) ·······  ······· |
  
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Feb 18 07, 21:59
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Alan I love this! First I think that the Dual interpretation of the title is absolutely commendable! I bow to the creative twist and implication, with that slide into a new direction regarding the title. I've printed this out and will be back with some thoughts and perhaps a nit or two- ALthough I don't see anything jumping out on first and second reads.
Best Wishes, and my humble applause at a very enjoyable poem! Liz ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner           |
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Feb 18 07, 22:44
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#3
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Alan,
My first reaction was to your use of compass, but one meaning is boundary, circumference, area..., so it is quite right. Considering the required use of certain words, you've done well to make them smooth and not obvious. Well done. Merlin ······· ······· |
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Feb 19 07, 15:14
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#4
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Liz and Merlin,
Thank you both for the visit, and Liz, for the lovely response ! I'm so pleased that you picked up on the dual (or is it triple) meaning in the title. I'm also pleased that even tho I shoehorned a few weird words of my own in, they did not stand out for you as nits ! Merlin, very acute of you, I'm actually a bit surprised I knew that myself without having to look it up ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Feb 19 07, 16:29
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#5
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Alan,
I used to take part in such challenges and since I'm used to "shoehorning words into a form, they appeared reasonably metered and rhymed but as tasty as sand. Now you've done the same , but you've added that smilemaker, the failure of all that effort by a blackberry, that blackberry one of the code words. Congratulations! Cheers, ron jgd ······· ······· |
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Feb 19 07, 16:59
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#6
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Ron,
Thank you, I do a lot of these. Curiously, the ones I find hardest are where the words try to force one into a "theme", that does not seem to allow any space for imagination, and I often don't even attempt such challenges. Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Feb 20 07, 07:27
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#7
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Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Alan,
Your rhyme scheme is tight and your storyline is quite clever. You have woven the words together in a way that seems to flow quite smoothly. No crits from me....looks quite polished as it stands. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner       |
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Feb 20 07, 18:36
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#8
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear John,
Phew, how I got those blackberries in I'll never know ... Thanks for the visit. Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Feb 20 07, 19:45
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#9
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Cleverly done, Alan...
As you know, I only wondered at the meaning of S4L1... and the transition to L2... but when you give the guy a partial colostomy (a semi-colon), the guy should be okay I suppose... prickin' sLightly, Daniel 8) ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Feb 21 07, 03:36
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#10
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Daniel,
Thank you. Hmmm ... just desserts from Just Daniel - I knew I could count on you for a moral resolution ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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