My Soul's Mate, 2nd Revision 8/22 / New Title 8/3 Options

[JLY]

2nd Revision: 8/22

MY SOUL'S MATE
Two compassionate souls
search for a connection,
lives change the moment
indulge mutual affection.

Aroused, smitten mates
prompted by desire;
provocative postures
stoke a fervent fire.

Longing for true romance
not a passing fashion,
engaging spirits harmonize,
echoing sighs of passion.

Adoring glow sparkles,
warm as sunshine’s rays;
love’s ardent brilliance
sets whirling feelings ablaze.

Merry laughter filters
a fluttering of hearts;
ensuring joyous raptures
will never keep them apart.

Sweet stardust sensations
kindle felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Converging in tuneful balance,
intimate tender sentiments…
valued and admired,
foster a serene contentment.

Solid, secure devotion
to loving full and free;
this faithful commitment
forever, their decree.

Embracing ecstatic images
devoid of damaging illusions,
they strive to realize dreams,
unveiling amorous conclusions.

SOUL MATES

Two compassionate souls,
searching for a connection,
lives changed the moment
indulged mutual affections.

Aroused, smitten mates
prompted by desire;
provocative postures
stoke a fervent fire.

Longing for true romance
not a passing fashion,
engaging spirits harmonize,
singing songs of passion.

Adoring glow sparkles,
warm as sunshine’s rays;
love’s ardent brilliance
sets whirling feelings ablaze.

Merry laughter filters
warm fluttering hearts;
ensures a joyous feeling
will never keep them apart.

Sweet stardust sensations
kindles felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Converging in tuneful balance,
intimate tender sentiments
treasured and admired,
foster a serene contentment.

Solid, secure devotion
to loving full and free;
this faithful commitment
forever be their decree.

Embracing ecstatic images
devoid of damaging illusions,
they strive to realize dreams,
unveiling amorous conclusions.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

Is there really a relationship such as you describe? *smiles* I envy them if there is. They should guard it well.

Two compassionate souls,
searching for a connection,
lives chang[e]ed the moment
indulged[discovering] mutual affections.

Aroused, smitten mates
prompted by desire;
provocative postures
stoke a fervent fire.

Longing for true romance
not a passing fashion,
engaging spirits harmonize,
singing songs of passion.

Adoring glow sparkles,
warm as sunshine’s rays;
love’s ardent brilliance
sets whirling feelings ablaze. Lovely description!

Merry laughter filters
warm fluttering hearts;
ensures a joyous feeling
will never keep them apart.

Sweet stardust sensations
kindles felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Converging in tuneful balance,
intimate tender sentiments
(treasured) and admired, Just used above. Maybe 'valued'?
foster a serene contentment.

Solid, secure devotion
to loving full and free;
this faithful commitment
forever be their decree.

Embracing ecstatic images
devoid of damaging illusions,
they strive to realize dreams,
unveiling amorous conclusions.

At first I thought 'Why is he starting out with the 'physical' side of a relationship'? After thinking about it for a while I realized that it's usually something physical that attracts one to the other to begin with. Then you go on to other important aspects of a relationship and when you put them all together ... Soul Mates! Well done!

As always, use or lose as is your desire! *smiles*
Cathy

[JustDaniel]

I'd have to agree with Cat that 'relationships' may well begin with phyiscal attraction and move toward a deeper bond toward 'soul mates'... though it's been my experience observing thousands of persons that lasting bonds often do not start that way... but simply grow with limited physical contact over time... but that's just an observation, and I certainly see the progression in this poem, John.

Might you consider opening it just a bit differently, something like this?

Two compassionate souls,
searching for a connection,
lives changed the moment
indulged mutual affections.

Two souls
compassionate, searching
are changed in a moment
of mutual affection.

OOPS!! I just realized that I'm not in the free verse section. YIKES. I goofed!

I'll be back, my friend, sLightly more informed as to your intent, Daniel

[JLY]

Cathy,
This was written from a man's perspective and no matter the age, men think a little bit differently than women. A physical attraction captures the heart...but depending upon the maturity of the man involved, he will very soon look for what really matters...the beauty of a woman's soul.

Cathy, this poem was first written in 2000 and it was 337 words!!!, I scaled it down to 127 after 5 offline revisions.......

You gave me a few things that will improve this one.

Many thanks.
JLY

[JLY]

Daniel,
You are wearing many hats these days; I look forward to your return to this venue.
JLY

[AMETHYST]

Hi John,

This is the second time I've started crtiqiuing this poem, the computer froze up in middle point and well... I had to contrl/alt/delete and so, if I post a half way through critique, please forgive me and know I will be back to do the other half.

Now not to waste time..

I love poems about destiny and fate bringing two souls together... how paths intertwine and events bring tings together... Serendipity... And this poem brought that feeling to mind and stirred my own relationships that felt so much like destined unions that I had to smile at the words you've chocen...

The title I felt was a little over used. Howvever , it doesn't take away from the poem so I think all in all, if you caome up with a better title great, if not... it is fine... Some minor thoughtst in stanza... otherwise, please use what makes sense and discard anything that isn't in your intent...

Big Hugs, Liz ...

SOUL MATES

Two compassionate souls,
searching for a connection,
lives changed the moment
indulged mutual affections.

l3 perhaps ... their lives changed by the moment
And in L4, indulging mutual affections.


Aroused, smitten mates
prompted by desire;
provocative postures
stoke a fervent fire.

Nice.. Very nice... I loe the alliteration, it doesn't feel forced or contemplated very soft off the tongue.

Longing for true romance
not a passing fashion,
engaging spirits harmonize,
singing songs of passion.

L2, perhaps some passing fashion, instead of a passing fashion.

Adoring glow sparkles,
warm as sunshine’s rays;
love’s ardent brilliance
sets whirling feelings ablaze.

Merry laughter filters
warm fluttering hearts;
ensures a joyous feeling
will never keep them apart.

Sweet stardust sensations
kindles felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Converging in tuneful balance,
intimate tender sentiments
treasured and admired,
foster a serene contentment.

Solid, secure devotion
to loving full and free;
this faithful commitment
forever be their decree.

L2, perhaps they love both full and free;

Embracing ecstatic images
devoid of damaging illusions,
they strive to realize dreams,
unveiling amorous conclusions. Good strong ending...

if I think of something else, I will be back... You've created some very wondwerful end rhyes that go so smooth that they are barely nocted...

Hugs, Liz

[JLY]

Liz,
Thanks for your suggestions, however I am going to keep the title even though it is a bit of a cliche and overused by many.
This poem has some personal meaning to me and I have found that everyone has a soul mate in life and more often than not, it's not necessarily the person you choose as a spouse...it's the one that comes along at a point in your life when you need to connect with someone that fully understands you....breathes in synch with you and can finish a sentence for you and you both anticipate each other's emotional peaks and valleys.
JLY

[AMETHYST]

Hi John,

As I mentioned, the title is a bit cliche' but it doesn't take anything away from the poem and I would only suggest changing it if you came upon a much more fitting title. Yes, I believe in soul mates too. This is why I am still unmarried. My soul mate, has long passed away...He and I were kept a part through lifes challenges, and unfortuanately I have not yet found anyone that I am completely one with... In fact, it has been too long since I met someone that made me take a second look. It is so true that when your heart belongs to someone, you can never stray...

A lovely poem... Hugs, Liz

[JLY]

Liz,
Thank you very much. When I have more free time...I will share with you some of the other thoughts I have for this poem which will shed more light on the truest meaning of Soul Mates......I have studied this phenomena quite a bit and I have a lot to share from material I have gathered from others as well as my own experiences.
JLY

[Maggie]

Hi JLY,

I agree with you. I definitely believe that some people find a soul mate, which reminds me of why I was posting on this one. To make the title sound less cliche, could you title it "MY Soul's Mate"? I don't know if that works for you, but it does for me. Just a thought.

To change the subject just a bit, I posted a poem written by Matthew Arnold which describes how I feel about my soul mate. It is titled "The Buried Life" and is in the section under famous poems. You might enjoy reading it.

I liked your poem very much!!

Keep writing!

Peggy

[JLY]

Peggy,
Your suggestion of a revised title is the best one I have received thus far and I am inclined to possibly implement your idea.
When I get a chance, I will stop over the other forum and read the poem you have recommended.
Thank you.
JLY

[AMETHYST]

Hi John,

I would not only be interested in what you've gathered and your views and beliefs, but actually grateful for the information and sharing of both...

I read your revised draft, but unfortunately, it reads to me, with no changes. Maybe the revision was so slight, that I missed it. Let me know if I am not seeing it...

Hugs, Liz

[JLY]

Liz,
There were quite a few revisions; they may not jump out at you, but they are there.

I have written some short stories that focus on the "Soul Mate" theme...they are posted in Stonehenge (they are not polished, but they might give you a sense of finding that special someone)......

http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?...311…Annie A Girl With Rose Petal Lips
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=2445 My Epiphany


JLY

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

Nice job with the revision! I too, would be interested to hear your thoughts on this special subject. I will have to take another look at Stonehenge, although I'm thinking I read one of them. Which is ok, I'll read them again! *smiles*

I still have one question as to this verse:

Sweet stardust sensations
kindles felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Since you are talking about 'sensations' and it is plural shouldn't 'kindles' be singular? It's been soooo long since I've been in school! lol

Cathy

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi John.

Another lovely poem here filled with passions, hopes, ideals for a loving union.

I've made notes on the stanzas that caught my eye below for you to ponder as you wish.

As always, a pleasure to read the romantic side of your muse!

~Cleo

[+] {-}

Two compassionate souls{,}
search for a connection,
lives change the moment
indulge{d} mutual affection{s}.

Longing for true romance
not a passing fashion,
engaging spirits harmonize,
{singing} [performing] songs of passion.

Merry laughter filters
{warm} [a] fluttering [of] hearts;
{ensures a} [ensuring] joyous feeling{s}
will never keep them apart.

Sweet Stardust [sweet] sensations
kindle felicitous emotions,
illuminating shared ideals -
true, treasured notions.

Converging in tuneful balance,
intimate tender sentiments[…]
valued and admired,
foster a serene contentment.

Solid, secure devotion
to loving full and free;
this faithful commitment
forever {be} their decree.

[JLY]

Lori,
Thanks for your suggestions. I need some quiet time to go over them and look forward to incorporating your ideas into what I hope will be the final revision.
JLY

[JLY]

Lori,
I took a step back and took a different perspective and have made some additional changes to this poem. I think it is much improved. Hope you agree.
JLY