 Wanderlust ~ REVISION 2 ~ Oct 5, 06, Wizard & Member Choie Winner ~ Quatern |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
  Jul 25 06, 18:58
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#1
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Member Choice Award Winner
 *Graphic provided by Celtic Castle Designs  Wanderlust ~ Iambic Rhyme When Wanderlust bids me explore, enhancing dreams from years of yore, I eagerly embrace arcane new hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs the heavens high above chintz clouds in dappled skies on sugar-winged rainbows... silk spun reflections of warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores to dine with mermaids undersea or soar with seagulls flying free; pure inspiration evermore... when Wanderlust bids me explore. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright July 2006 S2 L3 - enchantment stirs me heaven high S3 L1&2 - on wings of sugar... silken-spun, unmelted by warm saffron sun. S4 L2 - eagles to seagulls (since at the sea - *smiles*) Wanderlust ~ Revision 1 When Wanderlust taps on my door enhancing dreams from years of yore, I eagerly invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust taps on my door excitement sends me sailing high above soft clouds in sapphire skies on wings of sugar ... silken spun, unmelted by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust taps on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores to dine with mermaids undersea or soar with eagles flying free; might even meet my paramour, when Wanderlust taps on my door. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright July 2006 Wanderlust ~ Original When Wanderlust knocks on my door enhancing dreams forevermore, I'm eager to invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust knocks on my door excitement sends me sailing high above the clouds in minted skies on wings of sugar ... silken spun, then melted by a saffron sun. When wanderlust knocks on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores to dine with seagulls from the sea or tag with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. Cathy Bollhoefer copyright July 2006 This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Jan 28 07, 14:30 |
  
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Jul 26 06, 06:12
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#2
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Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Cathy,
I liked the rhythm, flow and rhyme pattern of this poem. My only nit is your use of the word tag to dine with seagulls from the sea or {tag} [soar] with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. I think you have captured the essence of this particular poetic form. JLY ·······  ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner             |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 26 06, 07:12
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#3
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QUOTE (JLY @ Jul 26 06, 11:12 ) [snapback]79552[/snapback] Cathy,
I liked the rhythm, flow and rhyme pattern of this poem. Thank you John! My only nit is your use of the word tag to dine with seagulls from the sea or {tag} [soar] with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. I was trying to convey the thought of 'playing' with the eagles. *smiles* I think you have captured the essence of this particular poetic form. Thank you kind sir! lol And thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Cathy JLY |
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Jul 26 06, 08:02
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#4
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE (Cathy @ Jul 26 06, 12:12 ) [snapback]79559[/snapback] QUOTE (JLY @ Jul 26 06, 11:12 ) [snapback]79552[/snapback] Cathy, I liked the rhythm, flow and rhyme pattern of this poem. Thank you John! My only nit is your use of the word tag to dine with seagulls from the sea or {tag} [soar] with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. I was trying to convey the thought of 'playing' with the eagles. *smiles* I think you have captured the essence of this particular poetic form. Thank you kind sir! lol And thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Cathy JLY ······· ······· |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 26 06, 08:41
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#5
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??
 ??LOL |
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Jul 26 06, 08:46
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Excellent use of the form is this whispy flight of fancy, Cat! I only wonder at the use of "minted"; I've never seen the word used in the sense that you seem to be implying by it... but then my reading unfortunately is scant. Also, I'm not sure that the intermittent wanderlust can fit with "forevermore" enhancing dreams ? Just a thought, though.
QUOTE (Cathy @ Jul 25 06, 19:58 ) [snapback]79526[/snapback] Wanderlust When Wanderlust knocks on my door enhancing dreams of I'm eager to invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust knocks on my door excitement sends me sailing high above the clouds in on wings of sugar ... silken spun then melted by a saffron sun. When wanderlust knocks on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores to dine with seagulls from the sea[,] Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. Of course you know the drill, my friend, so take or toss; naught will offend!  deLighting in the interplay, Daniel 
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MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 26 06, 09:25
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#7
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Hi Daniel,
You inspired this with a line from your LogaRhyme posted in Karnak's. http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?...amp;#entry79444 [quote]Excellent use of the form is this whispy flight of fancy, Cat! Thank you! I only wonder at the use of "minted"; I've never seen the word used in the sense that you seem to be implying by it... but then my reading unfortunately is scant. I could use 'minty'. Also, I'm not sure that the intermittent wanderlust can fit with "forevermore" enhancing dreams ? Just a thought, though. And your thoughts are always welcome! I want to redo that line anyway. That was actually one of those 'forced' rhymes to fill it in till I could come up with something better. lol QUOTE(Cathy @ Jul 25 06, 19:58 ) Wanderlust When Wanderlust knocks on my door enhancing dreams of for evermore, [ or maybe 'days of yore' or 'heretofore' ? ] I like 'days of yore'. Fits the 'to worlds of mystic ancient lore'. Although it would have to be 'enhancing dreams FROM days of yore'. lol Thanks! I'm eager to invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust knocks on my door excitement sends me sailing high above the clouds in minted minty skies LOL Well, we're on the same page I see! on wings of sugar ... silken spun(,) then melted by a saffron sun. When wanderlust knocks on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores to dine with seagulls from the sea[,] or play tag with eagles flying free. I should have thought to use 'play' cause that gets my idea across perfectly! lol Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. Of course you know the drill, my friend, so take or toss; naught will offend! LOL I know! I'll be working on this one again soon and all thoughts will be kept in mind! Thanks Daniel! Cathy |
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Jul 26 06, 11:09
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#8
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hello Cathy,
When Wanderlust knocks on my door enhancing dreams forevermore, I'm eager to invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust knocks on my door excitement sends me sailing high above the clouds in minted skies Lovely flight of fantasy! But I don’t think I understand ‘minted skies’ Cathy? on wings of sugar ... silken spun, then melted by a saffron sun. When wanderlust knocks on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores L2 which melt as we approach the sun? to dine with seagulls from the sea or tag with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. L1 Doesn’t seem quite right Cathy. I think it’s a little too prosaic for your gossamer touch here. How about To dine with mermaids in the sea? L2 or soar with eagles flying free? A really lovely poem, written with your usual delicate touch. Loely read, thank you.  
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Grace  http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner     |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 26 06, 12:30
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#9
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Hi Grace! I'm glad you dropped in!
QUOTE Hello Cathy, When Wanderlust knocks on my door enhancing dreams forevermore, I'm eager to invite her in with hopes of drifting off again to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust knocks on my door excitement sends me sailing high above the clouds in minted skies Lovely flight of fantasy! But I don’t think I understand ‘minted skies’ Cathy? LOL It should probably be 'minty' ... unless I change it to something else entirely! on wings of sugar ... silken spun, then melted by a saffron sun. When wanderlust knocks on my door I'm carried off to whitened shores L2 which melt as we approach the sun? Hmmmm... I'll have to think about this one. *smiles* I kinda like the sound of 'saffron sun'. to dine with seagulls from the sea or tag with eagles flying free. Yes, I can do all this and more when wanderlust knocks on my door. L1 Doesn’t seem quite right Cathy. I think it’s a little too prosaic for your gossamer touch here. How about To dine with mermaids in the sea? L2 or soar with eagles flying free? Oh, I like the mermaids!  A really lovely poem, written with your usual delicate touch. Loely read, thank you. Thanks so much Grace! Cathy 
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Jul 27 06, 05:49
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#10
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hey Cat...
I'm honored to realize that such a lovely poem was mused by my doggerel! Your revision has added some nice touches to an already fine poem. I like the switch to mermaids too. Excellent use of others' thoughts mixed with your own. That's what it's all about, isn't it! deLighting in the process, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 27 06, 07:55
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#11
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Good morning Daniel!
Yep, that's what it's all about! lol Grace's idea of using 'mermaids' added another touch of fantasy which is really what the poem is; impressing upon the reader that as a 'writer' I could go places and do things that really can't be done ... *smiles* Cat |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 4 06, 19:08
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#12
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Revision posted! Thanks all!
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Oct 4 06, 23:37
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Hi Cathy,
A wonderful example of a Quatern using the refrain line softly that it takes on an independent tone with each use. The imagery and magical enchantments described are so pleasing to both my ear and inner eye. But then again, I am usually taken in by such magical, mysterious visions. Cathy you've done well with the Quatern Form. I will second the consideration of Grace's suggestion for both S4/L1 and L2. They are so fitting to your theme and wonderful to the ear when spoken aloud. Some further thoughts to follow... Good rhymes and meter through out!  Hugs, Liz QUOTE Wanderlust ~ Iambic Rhyme Lovely title. Sort of sums the narrator up in a tight package, and reveals through the body of the poem, the enchantments the N discovers... When Wanderlust bids me explore, enhancing dreams from years of yore, I eagerly embrace arcane new hopes of drifting off again The first stanza is wonderful. Setting the reader at ease with a dreamy state of the narrator, and inner sense of adventure urging visions of distant places and far off, magical lands... and in L4, the anticipation awaiting the next flight.. not a nit... to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs me heaven high above chintz clouds in dappled skies L3, I keep wanting to say 'enchantment stirs in heavens high' Loved chintz clouds/dappled skies... lovely images. on wings of sugar ... silken spun, unmelted by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores L1, not sure about 'on wings of sugar' maybe " on sugared wings' Nice use of alliteration and inner rhymes that blend well thought out the poem. to dine with mermaids undersea or soar with eagles flying free; pure inspiration evermore... when Wanderlust bids me explore. Love the changes you've chosen here. Excellent images and not a word misspent. An admirable piece of poetry! You should be so proud! Cathy Bollhoefer Well I know there wasn't much to leave you, but this is a lovely poem and you didn't leave much to frown on... LOL I quite enjoyed this... Best wishes, Liz ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner  |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 5 06, 06:43
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#14
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QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Oct 5 06, 04:37 ) [snapback]84554[/snapback] Hi Cathy, A wonderful example of a Quatern using the refrain line softly that it takes on an independent tone with each use. The imagery and magical enchantments described are so pleasing to both my ear and inner eye. But then again, I am usually taken in by such magical, mysterious visions. Thank you Liz! I'm glad you enjoyed the journey! *smiles* Cathy you've done well with the Quatern Form. I will second the consideration of Grace's suggestion for both S4/L1 and L2. They are so fitting to your theme and wonderful to the ear when spoken aloud. Yes, I agree. Grace's suggestions are more in keeping with the fantasy. And thank you for the compliment! Some further thoughts to follow... Good rhymes and meter through out! Hugs, Liz QUOTE Wanderlust ~ Iambic Rhyme Lovely title. Sort of sums the narrator up in a tight package, and reveals through the body of the poem, the enchantments the N discovers... I don't often choose a proper title but this time I think I did good. LOL Thanks! When Wanderlust bids me explore, enhancing dreams from years of yore, I eagerly embrace arcane new hopes of drifting off again The first stanza is wonderful. Setting the reader at ease with a dreamy state of the narrator, and inner sense of adventure urging visions of distant places and far off, magical lands... and in L4, the anticipation awaiting the next flight.. not a nit... Thank you! That's what I was hoping for... to show the possibilities when letting the imagination run free. to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs me heaven high above chintz clouds in dappled skies L3, I keep wanting to say 'enchantment stirs in heavens high' Loved chintz clouds/dappled skies... lovely images. Hmmm... that would work. I'll think on it a bit! Thanks! on wings of sugar ... silken spun, unmelted by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores L1, not sure about 'on wings of sugar' maybe " on sugared wings' Nice use of alliteration and inner rhymes that blend well thought out the poem. That does sound better but not enough syllables. Will have to think on that one too! *smiles* to dine with mermaids undersea or soar with eagles flying free; pure inspiration evermore... when Wanderlust bids me explore. Love the changes you've chosen here. Excellent images and not a word misspent. An admirable piece of poetry! You should be so proud! Thanks Liz! I am now! LOL Cathy Bollhoefer Well I know there wasn't much to leave you, but this is a lovely poem and you didn't leave much to frown on... LOL I quite enjoyed this... Best wishes, Liz When you leave comments like this then I know I've done good! LOL Thanks ever so much Liz! Cathy |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 5 06, 08:51
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#15
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Ok Liz,
I've made some changes to those lines we were talking about. What do you think?? Cathy |
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Oct 5 06, 09:03
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#16
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Hi Cathy,
Oh yes, L3, is smoother. I was going to suggest 'the' but I know you try to keep such words as 'the'/and' etc to a minimum. And the offer of crowing rainbows is absolutely lovely. Yes, what dreamy enchanting world would be without a vivid rainbow. nicely revised. I also liked the image of sugared wings... Hats off to you... a very lovely poem. I will be returning from time to time to become inspired by poetry I am most likened to! :) Hugs, Liz QUOTE to worlds of mystic ancient lore.
When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs the heavens high above chintz clouds in dappled skies to crowning rainbows... silken spun, reflected by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 5 06, 09:22
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#17
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QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Oct 5 06, 14:03 ) [snapback]84579[/snapback] Hi Cathy,
Oh yes, L3, is smoother. I was going to suggest 'the' but I know you try to keep such words as 'the'/and' etc to a minimum. And the offer of crowing rainbows is absolutely lovely. Yes, what dreamy enchanting world would be without a vivid rainbow. nicely revised. Thank you! I also liked the image of sugared wings... Me too! LOL I'm still 'up in the air' over this one. Rainbows are beautiful and it works but I think the 'sugared wings' is more in keeping with the fantasy. Maybe 'sugared rainbows'? LOL Good thing it's not written in stone!! Hats off to you... a very lovely poem. I will be returning from time to time to become inspired by poetry I am most likened to! :) Hugs, Liz Thanks for coming back Liz! I appreciate your time and thoughts a great deal! Cathy QUOTE to worlds of mystic ancient lore. When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs the heavens high above chintz clouds in dappled skies to crowning rainbows... silken spun, reflected by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores |
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Oct 5 06, 09:28
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#18
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Hmmm, then perhaps...
QUOTE to crowning rainbows... silken spun, reflected by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores on sugar winged rainbows, silk-spun, Just thinking a loud! I will be back ...
······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 5 06, 09:34
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#19
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Liz,
What about... When Wanderlust bids me explore, enchantment stirs in heavens high above chintz clouds in dappled skies on sugared wings of silken spun reflections of warm saffron sun. Cathy |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Oct 5 06, 09:37
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#20
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QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Oct 5 06, 14:28 ) [snapback]84582[/snapback] Hmmm, then perhaps... QUOTE to crowning rainbows... silken spun, reflected by warm saffron sun. When Wanderlust bids me explore, I'm carried off to whitened shores on sugar winged rainbows, silk-spun, Just thinking a loud! I will be back ... LOL LOL We must have posted at the same time cause I just posted another alternative too! (Just below yours) Your suggestion would work great but has too many syllables. I would have to lose one of them. LOL HMMMM... Cathy |
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