An Elephant Never Forgets, Botswana Visit I Options

[Peterpan]

Hello Reader~

The wild bush is a gift from God for us to enjoy and feed our souls. Take heed and respect animals, they are there to pass on tranquility and to erase the stresses of city life. Nina said that she did think the wild bush was able to be destressing. I find it is, it is natural, calm apart from when there is hunting (by the animals) the animals move slowly, feeding or browsing (as it is called), sleeping, lying down in the shade. OF COURSE I am against professional hunting.

PP



2nd Edit - Thanks to Lori!

An Elephant Never Forgets

Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch matriarchal steps.
She is fearless, large;
with swift stillness,
she moves closer...
her ears flapping
to keep her cool.

Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family;
she trampled over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

She trumpets -
visitors warned.

Copyright 2006 Beverleigh Gail Annegarn


First Revision

An Elephant Never Forgets

Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch matriarchal steps.
She is fearless, large,
with stillness swiftly
she moves closer.
Her ears flapping
to keep her cool.

Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family;
causing her to tramp over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

She trumpets -
visitors are warned.

---

Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch steps of the matriarch.
She is fearless, with stillness and speed
tramps over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family.
Her ears flap to keep cool.
She trumpets -
visitors are warned.

Copyright 2006 Beverleigh Gail Annegarn

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Bev

Good to see your trip into the bush has inspired some poetry. I'm not sure about animals passing on tranquility. Some can be quite vicious and brutal. I wouldn't like to come face to face with lion or tiger and they create different stresses. They are however to be respected and admired.

On to the poem. A few thoughts

[add] {delete} comment


Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch [matriarchal] steps {of the matriarch}.
She is fearless, with stillness and speed ...line split
tramps over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family.
Her ears flap to keep cool. ...this idea doesn't seem to follow on from the previous. I want to know what happened when the vehicle upset her family?
She trumpets -
visitors are warned.

To have a logical flow perhaps the poem could read as follows, unless I have totally misunderstood in which case ignore this.

Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch matriarchal steps.
She is fearless,
with stillness and speed.
Her ears flap to keep cool.

Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family.
causing her to tramp over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

She trumpets -
visitors are warned.

Nina

[Peterpan]

Hello Nina~

You are clever. You have taken my 2 stories and made 1. I think I was being too complicated. I have posted a revision.

Appreciation for the input.

PP

[Psyche]

Hi Bev !

Been to Africa, you lucky thing!!

And more luck to us, because you've posted this extremely original poem about a Mom elephant. Quite out of the ordinary, very striking. I like it SO much.

My only nit would be the adjective "blameless" for the trees. My view is that everything in Nature, be it animal or vegetable, is blameless. Excluding, natch, Man. We cause the most trouble and supposedly have a conscience....

So the whole sequence of events in your poem begins with human beings and their cameras.
The Mom elephant is also blameless. So the word is sort of redundant, or could be exchanged for some other idea.

I'm also sorry you removed "to keep cool" after "her ears flap". That was a nice touch, which carries a double meaning: to actually keep cool due to hot weather, but also to "keep cool" about those nuisances with flashing cameras.

Great read, Bev, come on with some more ! About Africa, if you wish!
Hugs, Sylvia

[Peterpan]

Hello Sylvia~

Thank you for the kind words. I thought the 'cool' bit a bit over the top but take you point.

The 'blameless' part is that the matriarch was taking out her anger on the trees instead of the humans flashing their flashes!

I will take a futher look.

Thank you for reading!!

PP

[JLY]

Bev,
A good story that is overlooked by us humans...nice that you tried to give us a perspective from one of nature's gentle giants.

My only suggestion would be to consider changing the following line:

Her ears flap. to [ears flapping], because I think it creates a slightly more active image.

JLY

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Bev.

A wonderful poem that reflects the calm of the elephant that can so quickly change. This is a refreshing topic to read and I'm glad your trip to the Bush inspired this one. Do you have a picture to include?

I've offered a few ideas below to ponder as you wish.
Enjoyed!
~Cleo

[+] {-} (comment)

Softly padded, oval footprints
sketch matriarchal steps.
She is fearless, large{,}[;]
with [swift] stillness {swiftly}
she moves closer.
Her ears flapping
to keep her cool.
(I’m not certain that these last two lines adds to the image of the piece on the whole?)


Once a vehicle
of flashing cameras
distressed her family;
{causing her to} [she] tramp[ed] over grasslands
breaking and tearing
blameless trees.

She trumpets -
visitors {are} warned.

[Peterpan]

Thank you Lori

These suggestions make sense!

I will look at them, and revise.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

PP

[Peterpan]

Posted edit number 2!

Thank you Lori!

PP

[Cleo_Serapis]

Bev!

One more teensy idea:

She is fearless, large;
with swift stillness,
she moves closer{.}[...] Or [:]
Her ears flapping
to keep her cool.

Cheers
~Cleo

[Peterpan]

mmm Lori a good suggestion. Thank you!

The ears flapping in fact is to keep them cool!!! Their colouring is dark and size large and I am sure it attracts the heat of the sun. It does look fearful tho' when they look at you and flap!!

Sylvia suggested: keeping the two lines in as the 'cool' has a double meaning! 'cool' as in not hot and 'cool' as in not too angry!

I do have pictures. Eric is still away, and I have to admit dont know how to make them smaller to email. I must learn because most of my poetry is photo/our life related.

Thank you for returning.

Bev