Taken by the Sea, Wizard & Faery Award Winner Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Faery Award Winner

Celtic Castle Designs

Taken by the Sea

Walking along the seashore,
my footsteps make
light impressions
in wet sand.
Behind me,
turning tide erases all traces.

Cool breeze brushes my face;
ruffles curling strands of hair.
Gossamer garments cling,
accentuating body contours.

You’re waiting:
a distant figure,
riding white horses,
cresting waves.

I move towards you:
seduced into deeper water
by unseen currents.

Time slows;
I feel you near.

© Nina 2006

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Fantastic! I love this.

There are many interpretations available - accident; trance; drug-influenced (actual or imagined) and so on. But the point is that your words suit all these beautifully.

I have only one possible glitch - and even it is perfectly fine if left:

Behind me, (I wonder if you need this line?)

The title is very clever, also by the way. Taken as killed, moved away, distracted, seduced, influenced etc etc.

I hope others ignore my comments and still offer whatever crits they wish - this is purely my perspective and others may disagree. However...

I seldom, if ever, dislike any of your poems - and many I like a very great deal. But even so, I think this is one of your best.

Thank you so much for the read (and I shall re-read several times). Much enjoyed, thanks.

J.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

I love the title!  This could be interpreted in different ways and yet your title doesn't exactly give it away.  I see it as someone who is grieving over a lost love and she sees him waiting for her in the waves.

Walking along the seashore,
my footsteps make
light impressions
in wet sand.
Behind me,
turning tide erases all traces. Nice internal rhyme!

Cool breeze brushes my face;
ruffles curling strands of hair.
Gossamer garments cling,
accentuating body contours. Good imagery!

You’re waiting:
a distant figure,
riding white horses,  Should this be 'horse' - singular?
cresting waves.

I move towards you:
seduced into deeper water
by unseen currents.

Time slows;
I feel you near. Death is close?

Very well done Nina!

Cat

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

>J>Fantastic! I love this.

Wow! thank you.  I'm reet chuffed  :) and a bit lost for words (that's a first!)

>J>There are many interpretations available - accident; trance; drug-influenced (actual or imagined) and so on. But the point is that your words suit all these beautifully.

I hoped it could be interpreted in several different ways and you have come up with more than I had considered.  Brill!

>J>I have only one possible glitch - and even it is perfectly fine if left:

Behind me, (I wonder if you need this line?)

You may well be right about "Behind me".  I shall give it some thought.

>J>The title is very clever, also by the way. Taken as killed, moved away, distracted, seduced, influenced etc etc.

Thank you very much.  It took me a while to come up with the title.  I wanted it to be as ambiguous as the poem so I'm really pleased it comes over as such.

>J>I seldom, if ever, dislike any of your poems - and many I like a very great deal. But even so, I think this is one of your best.

gosh I'm blushing now.  Thank you so much for the compliment.  I'm a bit stunned that you like it so much

>J>Thank you so much for the read (and I shall re-read several times). Much enjoyed, thanks.

and thank you for your lovely words, very much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

>C>I love the title!  This could be interpreted in different ways and yet your title doesn't exactly give it away.  

Thank you very much.  I wanted the title and the poem to be interpreted in different ways and I didn't want to influence readers with the interpretation I had in mind.

>C>I see it as someone who is grieving over a lost love and she sees him waiting for her in the waves.

Yes that is one of the interpretations :)

>C>turning tide erases all traces. Nice internal rhyme!

thanks, though it was totally accidental and I hadn't even noticed, till you mentioned it.

Cool breeze brushes my face;
ruffles curling strands of hair.
Gossamer garments cling,
accentuating body contours. Good imagery!

thank you.

You’re waiting:
a distant figure,
riding white horses,  Should this be 'horse' - singular?
cresting waves.

no, it should be plural.  Again dual meaning.  White horses are a type of wave so I imagined that and also the distant figure in the middle of a pack of white horses, sitting on one but holding the reins of all of them.

Time slows;
I feel you near. Death is close?

yes that is one of the interpretations I intended. :)

>C>Very well done Nina!

thank you very much

thanks also for your comments

Nina

[Cyn]

oooo spooky ending and wonderful, the lure of the sea (and death?).

Love eraces all traces

great write Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cyn

>C>oooo spooky ending and wonderful, the lure of the sea (and death?).

Yes death is one option.  I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Thanks for your reply.

Hi J

>J>Fantastic! I love this.
>N> Wow! thank you.  I'm reet chuffed   and a bit lost for words (that's a first!

LOL now don't tempt me! :)

>J>There are many interpretations available - accident; trance; drug-influenced (actual or imagined) and so on. But the point is that your words suit all these beautifully.
>N> I hoped it could be interpreted in several different ways and you have come up with more than I had considered.  Brill!

Thank you :)

>J>I have only one possible glitch - and even it is perfectly fine if left:
"Behind me, (I wonder if you need this line?)
>N> You may well be right about "Behind me".  I shall give it some thought.

Ok, ta.

>J>The title is very clever, also by the way. Taken as killed, moved away, distracted, seduced, influenced etc etc.
>N> Thank you very much.  It took me a while to come up with the title.  I wanted it to be as ambiguous as the poem so I'm really pleased it comes over as such.

Indeed, as I was mentioning arecently (to you, I think) titles are very important to me and can help or damage the main work. Your main work needs no help - but the title is equally good in its own right - perfectly complementary.

>J>I seldom, if ever, dislike any of your poems - and many I like a very great deal. But even so, I think this is one of your best.
>N> gosh I'm blushing now.  Thank you so much for the compliment.  I'm a bit stunned that you like it so much
>J>Thank you so much for the read (and I shall re-read several times). Much enjoyed, thanks.
>N> and thank you for your lovely words, very much appreciated.

Well it hits a chord with me certainly and I'm the one grateful - a great read. Thank YOU.

J.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

I haven't been in here anything like enough recently - almost missed this but saw the faery nom and looked in; can't go without saying I think this is fabulous: brill title and wonderful imagery that leaves so much to the interpretation of the reader - definitely unseen currents!

Erm ... is all that too lurvie? Oh, stuff it! I really mean it - and no nits.    

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

>N> Wow! thank you.  I'm reet chuffed   and a bit lost for words (that's a first!

>J>LOL now don't tempt me! :)

rofl

>J>Indeed, as I was mentioning arecently (to you, I think) titles are very important to me and can help or damage the main work. Your main work needs no help - but the title is equally good in its own right - perfectly complementary.

Thank you.  It is often just as hard to decide on a title as to write the poem and I'm really pleased I got there with this title as I was a bit unsure.

>J>Well it hits a chord with me certainly and I'm the one grateful - a great read. Thank YOU.

As a writer, knowing you've hit a chord with the reader is what makes writing worthwhile.

Cheers

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

>F>I haven't been in here anything like enough recently - almost missed this but saw the faery nom and looked in; can't go without saying I think this is fabulous: brill title and wonderful imagery that leaves so much to the interpretation of the reader - definitely unseen currents!

Thank you.  I'm grateful you made the effort to pop in here and very pleased you enjoyed the poem so much.

>F>Erm ... is all that too lurvie? Oh, stuff it! I really mean it - and no nits

Not at all.  I shall happily bask in your lurviness.  Thanks, very much appreciated.

Nina

[Psyche]

Hi Nina !  :sun:

This is one of your very best ! Love it, and I'm fascinated by the different levels of interpretation you've allowed the reader.

I imagine a mythical legend, maybe some maiden lured into the sea by the great Poseidon, or else by some other minor god of the oceans. For once I wasn't stumped by "white horses", I knew they were a kind of wave.

I remember a poem about "riding white horses", when I was a child !!

Beautiful imagery, Nina.

And now that I re-read the title, I think your poem could also refer to suicide. The girl is in a kind of trance and is walking to her death in the sea, by drowning; but as she's having visions (she could be mentally unbalanced through sorrow), she thinks she's seeing white horses and a distant figure, maybe a lover who died and is beckonning her towards him. Wow, how sad !

A famous Argentine poet, Alforsina Storni, walked into the sea in this fashion, after a broken love affair. But she even wrote a poem about it first, then did it...  :(   In the last line of her poem, she says "if ...... calls, tell him I went away", or something to that effect.

Thanks for sharing this, Nina,
hugs,
Sylvia  :butterfly:

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Sylvia

>S>This is one of your very best ! Love it, and I'm fascinated by the different levels of interpretation you've allowed the reader.

Thank you very much, I'm really chuffed you love it.

>S>I imagine a mythical legend, maybe some maiden lured into the sea by the great Poseidon, or else by some other minor god of the oceans.

cool!  I very much like that interpretation

>S>For once I wasn't stumped by "white horses", I knew they were a kind of wave.

:)

>S>Beautiful imagery, Nina.

thank you again

>S>And now that I re-read the title, I think your poem could also refer to suicide. The girl is in a kind of trance and is walking to her death in the sea, by drowning; but as she's having visions (she could be mentally unbalanced through sorrow), she thinks she's seeing white horses and a distant figure, maybe a lover who died and is beckonning her towards him. Wow, how sad !

Your interpretation is pretty close to what was upermost in my mind when writing the poem

>S>A famous Argentine poet, Alforsina Storni, walked into the sea in this fashion, after a broken love affair. But she even wrote a poem about it first, then did it...     In the last line of her poem, she says "if ...... calls, tell him I went away", or something to that effect.

Really!  I shall have to google and see if I can find the poem in English

Thank you so much for your comments

Nina

[Siren]

Hey Nina,

What a seductive and tender piece!

Cool breeze brushes my face;
ruffles curling strands of hair.
Gossamer garments cling,
accentuating body contours.

Killer Stanza! Loved the gossamer garments part.  

Always a pleasure to read you....

Dani

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

Thanks for popping in here to read and for your kind words.  I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

cheers

Nina

[Guest_manofwords73_*]

Nina,
Haunting work. You leave a lot to the reader in the way of interpreting what exactly happens to the speaker. Most times this doesn't strengthen a poem as the effect leaves readers feeling confused. But because you set up a very strong emotion, one that gives me chills, I find myself worrying about the narrator. What happens next? I'm left to hope for the best while at the same time knowing things turn out tragic. Thus my imagination is piqued.

This poem rewards readers with the chance to extend the story long after the last line. Not all poets offer that to an audience. It's always refreshing to find a piece that allows one to flex his or her imagination.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Kenneth

>K>Haunting work.

Thank you.  I'm chuffed you think it haunting.

>K>You leave a lot to the reader in the way of interpreting what exactly happens to the speaker. Most times this doesn't strengthen a poem as the effect leaves readers feeling confused. But because you set up a very strong emotion, one that gives me chills, I find myself worrying about the narrator. What happens next? I'm left to hope for the best while at the same time knowing things turn out tragic. Thus my imagination is piqued.

I'm glad it didn't feel that leaving much to interpretation didn't weaken the poem and that you felt a lot of empathy and caring for the narrator.  Yes it does turn out tragically.

>K>This poem rewards readers with the chance to extend the story long after the last line. Not all poets offer that to an audience. It's always refreshing to find a piece that allows one to flex his or her imagination.

Thank you.  I quite like to leave the reader with questions and to let them decide which way they want the story to go.

Thanks very much for your comments.

Nina

[Peterpan]

Well written Nina! Very cleverly worded! Excellent!

PP

:)

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Bev

Thanks for your comments.  I'm pleased you liked it so.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congrats Nina on your faery award winning tile!

Well done!

~Cleo :)