 Then the Stillness***, tanka sequence |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Jul 20 13, 11:25
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#1
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 Egyptian  Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry  |
 Then the Stillness – tanka sequence our bodies, seagulls surrendering to the wind time brings us into bloom, is it for miracles we live? why do you hesitate what do you see in my face if not the pulse of the earth, a bed of golden saffron a swarm of bees awakens the stars in this long night homesickness takes me by the throat my mouth closes behind a sigh. . . I walk through Shangri-la in spring showers moonflowers surprise me, shining in the night to soften their mournful cry soft I go to gather sun and wind, my speech the speed of darkness— I am the tree that trembles watching you on the bed I mine each moment for the ore that holds an antidote for endings so fearfully pale, a white rose bends to the breath of the gale and stands aimless in the ruins of her honor ·······  ······· |
  
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Jul 22 13, 19:14
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Wow, Sergio, this is a magical piece! Great imagery and word usage. Mysterious...  Thanks for sharing, hope to come back as soon as my PC is fixed. Some electrical glitch. Cheers, Syl*** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Jul 24 13, 08:48
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#3
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Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Thank you Sylvia, hope you solve your problem soon.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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Sep 20 13, 13:10
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#4
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 Nomad Posts: 25 Joined: 9-May 09 Member No.: 793 Real Name: Jeanne Fiedler Writer of: Poetry Referred By:web |
How beautiful and dreamlike
this was such a flowing piece I loved all the nature images and how softly they moved throughout the poem, thank you |
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Sep 20 13, 13:45
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#5
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Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Thank you Jeanne.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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Sep 20 13, 17:52
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#6
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Sergio
I've not managed to write one tanka yet, let alone a whole sequence! This is absolutely beautiful - I love the imagery all through. I have no nits on first read but will return to digest this later. Snow ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Sep 22 13, 08:48
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#7
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Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Thank you Snow, Thank you.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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Oct 18 13, 19:22
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#8
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Egyptian Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn |
Agree with all the previous comments this is a beautifully crafted piece of work - it flows seamlessly like the water of the ocean and is a delight to read.
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Oct 19 13, 06:36
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#9
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Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Thank you Maureen, thank you.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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Oct 19 13, 23:23
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#10
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Here I am again, Sergio, after a long absence. I find your poem even more beautiful now that I've read it several times over. It's a haunting melody, you could put music to these lovely lines. Have you ever done that with any of your poems? No nits at all. Wouldn't dare move a single dot. Maybe ask a question: the last two stanzas make me think that perhaps it's about somebody who has died? Just me. We all read from different angles and/or moods. Congratulations, Sylvia  ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Oct 20 13, 10:21
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#11
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Congratulations Sergio!
This poem has been nominated for the November IBPC Competition.  Please check your PM as I've just sent it to you to let us know if you accept. Cheers! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Oct 20 13, 10:22
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#12
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Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Thank you Sylvia, thank you.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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