A Seed, A Sonnet (Longfellow Challenge) Options

[Larry]

This was written for Pandora's April Challenge utilizing words taken from Longfellow's "Poets Calendar". Can you tell me if there is anything which might enhance this poem?





A Seed

Here in my Mother’s heart I lie asleep,
sweet shelter from Her minion’s icy breath,
I wait beneath Her umber skin. Too deep
to hear that song; a howling dirge of death

for those, wind kissed. Light’s portals ever close!
No more to feel the sunshine’s warming touch
the coming showers carry down to those
as fortunate as I. New life is such

a precious gift. Each Spring I’m born anew
to feed the butterflies… bless eyes of men
who venture near my home. Those lucky few
that see my face, dew washed, in forest glen

are like my Mother’s heart which shelters me.
A seed of thought, kept safe in memory.


The words used from Longfellow's "The Poet's Calendar" (April): heart, song, portals, sunshine, showers, Spring, men, thought(s)

[Maggie]

Hi Larry,

Beautiful poem, but I do see one outright error. I'm a retired English teacher and taught the difference between the two verbs "lay" and "lie." You used "lay," and it was the wrong one. It should be "lie."

Here in my Mother’s heart I lay asleep, ( Change to "lie.")

Again, beautiful poem!!!

Peggy

[Larry]

Hi Peggy,

Thanks for pointing out my mistake and I'm pleased you enjoyed my offering. I wasn't paying attention to anything but the words I was to use and the form of the sonnet. My high school English teacher, Mr. Baker, had a saying about that particular common mistake; "To lay is what a chicken does to an egg, to lie is what the egg does for the chicken".

The edit has been made.

Thanks again,

Larry

[mike in brooklyn]

A sonnet in praise of milkweed? - wonderful and well received by me.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Larry]

Hi Mike,

Thanks for stopping by. Where on earth did you get the idea this poem had anything to do with "Milkweed"? I'm glad you liked the poem but if you come back to read my answer, please edify me. From where did this insight into the type of perennial I was praising come?
I don't think of the common "Milkweed" being that memorable, perhaps the "Silkweed" or "Butterfly Weed" are pretty enough to remember for a while and are a favorite of the Monarch Butterfly but they would have to be surperb specimens to qualify for a sonnet. No big deal though. Your post just threw me a big curve and I'd enjoy hearing about the source of your misconseption.

Larry

[merle]

Hi Larry - Did you know butterflies taste with their feet? lol
I don't have any crits. In my opinion, you exceeded the challenge.
This writing is simply beautiful.

[Eisa]

Larry - I've read this wonderful sonnet through a number of times and really can't find anything I'd change. An original idea, beautifully written. I'm sure I shall come back & read again to enjoy.

Snow

[mike in brooklyn]

Hi Mike,

Thanks for stopping by. Where on earth did you get the idea this poem had anything to do with "Milkweed"? I'm glad you liked the poem but if you come back to read my answer, please edify me. From where did this insight into the type of perennial I was praising come?
I don't think of the common "Milkweed" being that memorable, perhaps the "Silkweed" or "Butterfly Weed" are pretty enough to remember for a while and are a favorite of the Monarch Butterfly but they would have to be surperb specimens to qualify for a sonnet. No big deal though. Your post just threw me a big curve and I'd enjoy hearing about the source of your misconseption.

Larry

Hi Larry

It was the reference to the butterfly - just associated them with Monarchs mistakenly.

[Arnfinn]

G'day Larry,


A Seed

Here in my Mother’s heart I lie asleep,
sweet shelter from Her minion’s icy breath,
I wait beneath Her umber skin. Too deep
to hear that song; a howling dirge of death

for those, wind kissed. Light’s portals ever close!
No more to feel the sunshine’s warming touch
the coming showers carry down to those
as fortunate as I. New life is such

a precious gift. Each Spring I’m born anew
to feed the butterflies… bless eyes of men
who venture near my home. Those lucky few
that see my face, dew washed, in forest glen

are like my Mother’s heart which shelters me.
A seed of thought, kept safe in memory.



Again, I find nothing to fault.

Though, for some reason I kept reading 'Her minion’s icy breath,' as Her 'minions' icy breath; meanining she was a minion with an icy breath.

Anyway a minor detail.

Regards,

John

[Larry]

Hello John,

She, "Mother Nature", has the minions; (the four seasons) and is not, in Her own self a minion of anyone I can think of at this time. I am glad you could find no nits to pick and had nothing to suggest as an improvement. I respect peers such as yourself and many others on this site and when the feedback is all positive, I'm on cloud 9.

Thanks for the read and sorry about the temporary confusion.

Larry

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Larry, I would have sworn I answered this, but must have been in my head. A wonderful read and congrats on the nom I second it whole heartily.

Steve

[jgdittier]

Dear Larry,
You've written a sonnet that might only be critted for lack of the octet-sestet break true of many sonnet forms, but yours is a Shakespearean sonnet and thus you're excused.
I'm trying to grow an all-white and orange butterfly garden and so have much butterfly weed which turns to milkweed. I've not mastered flower choices as I'm concerned with timing of blooming and size. Your poetry from the soul of the seed surely captures my imagination.
Yours should be sent to some flower and garden mags or seed companies.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier

[Larry]

Hi Steve,
Thanks for the visit, kudos and the congrats. I'm glad you like my "challenge poem" and concur with the nomination.

Ron,
Guess I'm not familiar with the octet/sestet sonnet form and thought sonnets were in quatrains with the final two line refrain. I've never had any formal training in writing except for my time in High School English. I'm glad to know the form I've chosen is Shakespearean in nature. Didn't know!

As to your white/orange butterfly garden, I could suggest a number of choices but would need to know where you reside, your temperate zone, soil type and the area you wish to transform. A good climber you might use is "Eccremocarpus scaber" / Chilean Glory Flower; flowering from spring to fall and reaching a height of 10' in one season. Bright orange tubular blooms and evergreen leaves. If you don't want climbers, you could plant the "Streptosolen jamesonii" / Marmalade Bush; 4-6' high with masses of funnel shaped blooms in late spring the color of its name. For the white, you might go with the "Datura suaveolens" / Angel's Trumpet; to 15' with available space. 8-10" trumpet shaped white flowers in summer and autumn. Note: All parts of the Datura are very poisonous to people and pets. PM me if you need some info on what to plant and where to plant it. Growing flowers, tropicals and cactus/succulents is my other hobby.

Thanks for the visit and the kind words. I might take you up on your suggestion of submitting "A Seed" to some type of gardening/seed catalog.

Larry