Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain, Revised ~ 6/20/07 (a complete turnaround) Options

[Michelle]

Hey Cathy,

This is haunting, indeed. I have a vein of darkness which I like to dabble in on occassion. I think the title, theme and language are all appropriate for the poem. I also find this form interesting and note that you use it well.

For me the first three stanzas feel nebulous - I can't quite sieze them. But the last stanza is concrete. I'm thinking that it would work better if you switched S1 with S4, for it would take the reader from sunset into the night, where dreams aren't crystal clear. I would also use 'a' instead of 'the' in that swap line.

Please disregard my suggestions if they suit your vision of the poem.

Very well done piece. I've enjoyed it.

my best to you,

Michelle

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thanks Michelle!

I've thought about your suggestion and I've been playing with the verses in different spots and you may just be right! LOL We'll see what I come up with~

Thanks again~
Cathy