Haiku, Japanese form Options

[JustDaniel]

... no hounds.  Went out to see the eclipse (of the hunter's moon, remember!) during commercials during Law and Order last night.  I remarkable sight... and the hunter DID don orange.  

Your turn for another now!

deLightingly heading back to bed, Daniel  :sun:

[Cybele]

Oops !!  

... no hounds.  Went out to see the eclipse (of the hunter's moon, remember

Didn't know about this Daniel, there was no announcement made here that I heard, or I would have been out there gazing in wonder.  Perhaps it wasn't visible over here.

long summer drought
wren. tiny pinions flapping
dust bathing

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

duck slowly waddles;
no more soring 'neath eagles
on worn out, cold wings

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,

duck slowly waddles;
no more soring 'neath eagles
on worn out, cold wings

Lovely picture. I love ducks  

This happened last week at the zoo.

caught on film
turning his face to me
flat fish disappears

   

Love

Grace
:ranbow:

[JustDaniel]

I think that's more of a senryu, don't you think, Grace?  And since I assume you're in an aquarium, I guess there's no way to indicate season, is there... though much modern haiku merely snap-shots nature without the seasonal reference, I hear.  Anyhow, might this be more haikuish?

filmy nothingness;
face turned to a camera
flat fish fades away

deLighting in our exchanges, Daniel  :sun:

settlers in chest
congest the neighborhood;
cilliness stirred up

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,  

I think that's more of a senryu, don't you think, Grace?  And since I assume you're in an aquarium, I guess there's no way to indicate season, is there... though much modern haiku merely snap-shots nature without the seasonal reference, I hear.

Like the fish, it depends which way you look at it

settlers in chest
congest the neighborhood;
cilliness stirred up

Hm. Hm Would that be senryu Daniel    

flood tide
a mournful curlew cries
waiting, waiting

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

I suppose it is, Grace... one from a guy with onset bronchitis... that has had me in bed all day long... except to go to the doc's whom I discovered was away!  Fortunately, the on-call doc responded to my call and called in a prescription for antibiotics... so now I'm killin' off all the bad (and probably the good) antigen fighters inside me.

flood tide
a mournful curlew cries
waiting, waiting

ebb tide
a plumping plover pipes
wading, wading
sLightly ku-ku, Daniel  

tongue-tied
a robbin' dread-breast croaks
heavin' heaven

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,

Ah 'tis the season of coughs and colds once more   Sorry about the bronchitis. Take care of yourself.

ebb tide
a plumping plover pipes
wading, wading

Nice riposte!



tongue-tied
a robbin' dread-breast croaks
heavin' heaven

(Shouldn't have swallowed that tadpole, should he?   )

Love

Grace

[Cybele]

Scene in the park.

late for the skein;
amorous goose bidding
widowed cob farewell

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

lonely widowed goose
stays back to tend her gosling;
regrets taking a gander

sLightly askew, Daniel  :sun:

[Cybele]

 lilac teardrops cling
to grey stone in spring sunshine;
old wisteria  

[JustDaniel]

 lilac teardrops cling
to grey stone in spring sunshine;
old wisteria  

Grace, I'm not sure I get the connection between the two snapshots, even though the first one is quite good.  Could you explain?

... and did you get the humor in my little 'haiku'?  or did you not wish to take a further gander at it?  :turkey:

This may be more of a senryu; it's certainly borderline... or maybe I should give it a title and make it a faux-ku?  Do you think I can be completely serious?

turkey flaps its wings
to perch above young lions;
pride before the fall

sLightly rumpled, Daniel  :sun:

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,

Grace, I'm not sure I get the connection between the two snapshots, even though the first one is quite good.  Could you explain?

lilac teardrops cling
to grey stone in spring sunshine;
old wisteria  

lilac teardrops are the racines of wisteria flowers which hang like clusters of teardrops.
suspended from the grey stone wall of an old house.


This is a very old wisteria (over 100 years old ) that I saw in Bicton Botanical gardens in Devon)


Sorry Daniel, I have been rather distracted by friends over the last coupl of days and have been posting in a hurry.

lonely widowed goose
stays back to tend her gosling;
regrets taking a gander

This of course is up to your usual standard of wit, and as usual made me smile.  

turkey flaps its wings
to perch above young lions;
pride before the fall


Similarly Daniel, I understand perfectly both parts of this one and like the pride before the fall but can't see the connection. Is it something to do with Thanksgiving?  Being British, you will realise it is something we don't celebrate.

Britain in bloom ;
in every lamp post basket
clown-faced pansies dance

A small explanation

Britain in Bloom is a yearly contest to find the best floral decorations in cities and towns throughout Great Britain, and to gain recognition with an award is very good for tourism, so competition is fierce.

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Hi, Grace!  

Ahh... I had been thinking of lilac not as color but as the tree! That makes the picture crystal-clear.
:)
... but now you'll have to tell me what a racine is, since, except for a Frenchman and the name of 5 cities in the US, nine dictionaries I consulted don't have a definition for it.

As for distractions, believe me, my bronchitis has been a big one the last several days too, so no need for explanations... though they're always appreciated!

I always enjoy your smile, so I'm pleased that both of these gave you one.  The closing line of the second one is a double reference, first to pride as the quality (positive or negative) of a being; second to a pride of young lions... preparing to devour the flapping creature one fine fall day... the beginning of its fall to pride.  Though I'm sure the lions will be thankful, I'd no thought of Thanksgiving, so we've no need to get out our epees.  Time for appeasement!

Your latest SENRYU is magnificent, even without your explanation. I could picture the beauty before reading the background, but it enriches it the more.  

deLightingly, Daniel  


exhausted maple
surreptitiously draws in;
limbs lose their color

© MLee Dickens’son 02 Nov 2004

[Cybele]

Oops Daniel,  

but now you'll have to tell me what a racine is, since, except for a Frenchman and the name of 5 cities in the US, nine dictionaries I consulted don't have a definition for it.

Sorry, a typo should be raceme ( a cluster of flowers) looking not unlike a bunch of grapes.

exhausted maple
surreptitiously draws in;
limbs lose their color

So sad Daniel!  I have an acer maple (miniature) in my garden which I have had for about twelve years and I have never seen it look more beautiful than it does right at this moment, Must be a haiku in there somewhere  :detective:  

Now on a lighter note..

kitchen drawer;  
even knowing it’s not here
my search continues

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Hey, Grace...

just back from the Philadelphia Airport, picking up my oldest daughter back from visiting my middle one and her husband in San Diego.  Feeling a bit better, but staying home from work again today to recuperate and catch up with myself physically.

Thank you for comment on my serious piece about the maple closing up shop for the fall and winter.  Did you notice the sneaky little wink that I squeezed into it?  

As to your miniature, yes, I'm betting there is a HAIKU in there somewhere.  Why not post it... since you've gotten so very good at posting rather excellent SENRYU in this tile!  

kitchen drawer;  
even knowing it’s not here
my search continues

I know you've been a bit rushed... and that can both make you try to find a haiku in your kitchen drawer and then mistake it for a senryu and then perhaps even use more words to express it than may be necessary.  I know you'd never do that if you were at leisure!  Here's a cheeky pen and ink tweak 'suggestion'... before you refocus your attention out of your drawers and back to another well-seasoned look outside for a haiku:

artist's delusion

kitchen drawer;
though the object wasn't there
her paws continued

~  ~  ~
garden artist's stroke:
leaves flow from drawn canvas
to mulch wintered roses

sharin' deLight, Daniel  

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Feeling a little  better I hope?  



kitchen drawer;  
even knowing it’s not here
my search continues

....and then perhaps even use more words to express it than may be necessary.

kitchen drawer;
though the object wasn't there
her paws continued

Is it me Daniel? I count exactly the same number of word here.    

But, yes your are right I keep posting senryu in haiku and vice-versa. They seem to want to be together. Perhaps we shouldn't fight it?

I am becomong quite paranoid and am now checking to see if I am answering in senryu or haiku. Help!!

garden artist's stroke:
leaves flow from drawn canvas
to mulch wintered roses

Now isn't that senryu?  



I found this and thought I would give it a try...

The Technique of Narrowing Focus - This is something Buson used a lot because he, being an artist, was a very visual person. Basically what you do is to start with a wide-angle lens on the world in the first line, switch to a normal lens for the second line and zoom in for a close-up in the end.

in the vast heavens
a supernova explodes;
lotus flower blossoms

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Darn, Grace!  I'm wondering if you're getting my tongue-in-cheek...

like my (maple) syrup-ticious word squeezed in...  or my chiding you for a wordy senryu in this haiku tile and then 'suggesting' a faux-ku in the same tile as a 'correction' of yours... complete with a total twist of the meaning of draw-er? And this particular artist is a landscape gardener preparing his roses for the winter, having raked leaves onto a canvas, then dragging them to his roses to mulch them. Did you notice?  [ That's half the joy of sharing with you! The little winks! I simply love to take off on your wonderful pieces.  Your senryu honestly have become marvelous! ]

Now... back to haiku.  

You'll have to tell me more about Buson.  [Please don't forget that you're sharing here with an unread bumpkin here, ya know, Grace.   ]   I do love the simple technique of focus you share!  Neat.  And you've given a great example of it too.

in the vast heavens
a supernova explodes;
lotus flower blossoms

crisp, now orange moon

peeks through naked maple twigs;

spider spins intrigue


© MLee Dickens’son 03 Nov 2004

spinnin' de Light, Daniel  

[Cybele]

[b]Hi Daniel,

Darn, Grace!  I'm wondering if you're getting my tongue-in-cheek...

like my (maple) syrup-ticious word squeezed in...

Must admit I didn't get the syrup-ticious. We don't have maple syrup over here only golden syrup Daniel.

or my chiding you for a wordy senryu in this haiku tile and then 'suggesting' a faux-ku in the same tile as a 'correction' of yours... complete with a total twist of the meaning of draw-er?

Sorry, missed the irony here too Daniel. Think I must be tired, I just picked up on the 'wordy' bit.

And this particular artist is a landscape gardener preparing his roses for the winter, having raked leaves onto a canvas, then dragging them to his roses to mulch them. Did you notice?


This. I understood completely, and a very lovely picture it is too, but I was so delighted to see that you too were posting Senryu in the haiku tile I had to laugh at that.

[ That's half the joy of sharing with you! The little winks! I simply love to take off on your wonderful pieces.  Your senryu honestly have become marvelous!

I am now getting a little paranoid and have to check back to see if I am answering in Senryu or Haiku. Why can't the two live side by side. After all they are both Haiku ?

Perhaps it would be easier if you were to post one piece at a time Daniel, then I could give it my whole attention, comment on it and then post another piece.  At the moment the typing is wearing my fingers to the bone and what do I have to show for it? Nothing but bony fingers

Meanwhile back at the haiku tile...

rosy-hued twilight
a flock of starlings practice
their Mexican wave

Love


Grace

[JustDaniel]

You've nothing at all to feel paranoid about, Grace.  Ya ain't bein' pursued or persecuted or stalked.    You're doin' right well in both tiles.  

You've just given us another super example of a haiku.  I love the touch of the Mexican wave.

I'm not sure where you'll think this one belongs!

warm waves in Rio
lick sandy mounds that topple...
less than Bikini's

Lightly, Daniel