Senryu, Japanese form: 5-7-5 or less Options

[JustDaniel]

fairy woodland:
hoar-frosted cobweb,
Titania’s lace veil

fiery woodland:
tight-fisted green limbers up
to bough out in red

Welcome back, Grace!

And great to see your piece too, Fran.  Stunning!

deLightingly, Daniel  

P.S.  I figured that one senryu bordering on haiku deserved another!  

P.P.S.  While you were away, I 'invented' a new form: 49er Nuggets See 30 of them in Mary's Circuit

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 16:25

[Guest_Perrorist_*]

Fran

The poet centres
her universe within words;
dinner burnt again.

I like it. Very succinct and true.

Perry

[Guest_Jox_*]

Grace,

fairy woodland:
hoar-frosted cobweb,
Titania’s lace veil

This is splendid! (I know you know much of the following but for the record...)

I take it personally, too... if I may. Our late dogs, who inspited my Haiku cycle, and to whom it is dedicated, were Mustardseed and Cobweb, named  from faries in Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream."

Titania is Queen of the faries in that play, which takes place in the Forest of Arden (Fairy Woodland).

Wonderful work, grace, magical. Thank you.

James.

[Cybele]

Hello James.

I am just pausing for a few minutes to catch up on MM before I dash off again.

I am glad you liked this piece. Yes, inspired by the great man himself.

I also notice a nod toward Mishca in 'Why donkeys cheat at cards' if I'm not (misch)taken?  I haven't forgotten my promise to come back to you on that. I shall do so as soon as I have five minutes to spare.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace,

Thank you for your kindness. No compulsion to pop into Donkeys/cards but if you do find time, I would much appreciate it.

Dogs - yes: Mustardseed and Cobweb (twin sisters) were with us for almost sixteen years to New Year 2001. Six months later, Hugo, Mischa and Lyric joined us. Hugo dies in April, 2004 - sad but he was 13.5 - a good innings for a King Charles. Misch is about 12 and Lyric 9. For those interested, if you click the link to my web site (below) a picture of Mischa and Lyric will appear on the gateway page.

Talking of web site, I've been very busy and, after returning home from a trip - next week we're back - I will upload poems by Alan and yourself which you kindly said I could ages ago and have not found time yet. Other updating needed, too.

Thanks for the dreamy poem, Grace.

An interesting illustration of how poetry can mean so many different things to different people. J.

[JustDaniel]

doves coo over urn:
'Here rests Marshall Lee Dickens'
son reads eulogy

[JustDaniel]

fingers unfurl fire

stored up in solitary;

passions ignite

_{© MLee Dickens'son 04 Jan 2005}

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 14:52

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Daniel,

I missed this somehow - lovely steamy alliteration

fingers unfurl fire
stored up in solitary;
passions ignite

acceleration:
relishing the empty road;
speed camera flashes

© Toumai, 2005

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Daniel -

1. A good tribute to the poet

2. I can't quite decide is this is erotica or a tribute to Promethius. Either way, it works well. Sorry, what was that? Neither? Oh well they both worked as, no doubt did the original meaning too.

Well done.

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Fran, Hi!

"acceleration:
relishing the empty road;
speed camera flashes"

Serves the narrator right! The modern evil - speeding on roads!

An ex-friend of mine (we simply lost contact - probably too fast for me) was "done" by the Boys In Blue a few years ago for speeding. It was about 3am in Gwent (Wales) and he was doing about 150 mph in his Porsche down the M4 (a major motorway). Under the sodium arc-lights he saw blue flashing lights a couple of miles back. By the time they caiught him he was doing 80mph (limit = 70mph) He claimed he wasn't speeding (much) but they had radar print-outs from sensors he'd passed along the road, flashed to control then the patrol car. He was let off lightly - £1,000 fine and banned for six months (because he was returning from a funeral).

So I love the technology. But wait until I'm caught one day - won't like it then. I honestly do try to keep to the limits but mistakes are so easy to make.

That's my crit of your poem. Precise and clever: reminded me of that story. Well done. No suggestions. Most enjoyable.

James.

[JustDaniel]

wide-angle lenses

give photographer more space;

good for lazy butts

<sub>© MLee Dickens’son 22 Feb 2005

Original</sub>

wide-angle lenses

bring photographer in close;

good for lazy butts

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 14:50

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

wide-angle lenses

bring photographer in close;

good for lazy butts

Dare I suggest Daniel, that you would need zoom lenses for this purpose?    

[JustDaniel]

Hi Daniel,

wide-angle lenses

give photographer more space;

good for lazy butts

Dare I suggest Daniel, that you would need zoom lenses for this purpose?    

Not if one is writing about the SUBJECT of the shot!  
Lightly, Daniel  

... butt... of course you're right, Grace!  I've modified your quotation to reflect the 'corrected lens'  :cheer:

[JustDaniel]

zoom lenses quicken

the heartbeat of a moment;

arouse your voyeur

© Daniel J Ricketts 22 Feb 2005

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

zoom lenses quicken

the heartbeat of a moment;

arouse your voyeur

Precisely what the rear-view mirror did Daniel!!!  :blush21:

[JustDaniel]

Of course I knew that, Grace.  I was writing to tell you that!  :wink:

always deLighting to exchange with you, Daniel  


tandem poetry

mounts butt near half the effort;

one steers both wryders

_{© MLee Dickens'son 22 Feb 2005}

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 14:47

[JustDaniel]

riders on tandem

sustain major head trauma;

staff tossed through front spokes

_{© MLee Dickens’son 28 March 2005}

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 14:46

[JustDaniel]

silhouette

black net kept her in
where everything wanted out;
bawdy-stocking dance

_{© MLee Dickens'son 29 June 2005}

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Sep 2 07, 14:44

[JustDaniel]

I am… you are the Light

you are puzzling...
pieces needing connection;
I am the big picture

faith sees my image;
assembling my boundaries
a body takes shape

you each interact
sharing what I’ve imparted;
my visage gives Light

_{© MLee Dickens'son 02 Sept 2007
a worship reflaction...
John 8:21, Matthew 5:14}

[JustDaniel]

increase wardrobe
by dusting off old threads...
a light senryu