Limerick, Poetic Form Exercise Options

[JustDaniel]

If you're not very nice when you chat
then don't be surprised if a bat-
wielding person gives chase
to disfigure your face
and leave your mean lips black and fat.

[Thoth]

Its very politically wrong
to tease in a limerick song
a person whose black
and also whose fat
but specially a bat wielding one.

[JustDaniel]

A bat doesn't come out with whoos;
it's an owl... 'less your bat's sippin' booze.
And your whose ain't correct;
you'se a guy who's done wrecked
his grammar. She don't like to lose!

[Larry]

So your grandma does not like to lose
if deciding on which whose is whose,
be prepared for her actions
when misused contractions
don’t work. She will give you a bruise.

[JustDaniel]

If yer grammer's a stickler fer c'rect
ya will hafta werk hard ta direckt
her attenshun away
from werds fer taday
or ya'll have yer hiney done wreckt!

[Larry]

If your hiney's done wrecked, oil you have
to apply; or a cool unguent salve
on your cheeks. Don't expect'em
to work on the rectum
that looks like a half-shelled bivalve.

[JustDaniel]

If you're thinkin' to buy valves, your engine
may work, but your rep may be hingin'
on doin' it right.
When your budget is tight,
get a used one, or bucks you'll be singein'

[Larry]

You'll be singein' some bucks if it's used
'cause ya don't know if it's been abused.
Buy it new, off the shelf
and then do it yourself;
your mechanic will not be amused.

[JustDaniel]

Your mechanic will not be affected
when he visits; he'll soon have detected
that your new car is plastic
and iconoclastic...
just one of a hundred collected.

[Larry]

Of the hundred collected, I just
don't believe most of them were a must.
If mechanics were fair
we could drive without care
but I've yet to find one I could trust.

[JustDaniel]

If you find a mechanic who's trussed
he will likely have gathered some rust;
he had tried to hard to lift
your engine. The gift
from his doc won't encourage his lust.

[Larry]

Wanting courage he'd lost from his doc
and a scrip of some pills for the shock;
he was checked and x-rayed
then sent home. So dismayed,
all he got was a butt baring smock.

[JustDaniel]

When the smock from the doc bared his butt
it embarrassed the nurse who was haute,
so she gave him another
so that he could smother
his bumps; he feels better, somewhat.

[Larry]

Feeling better about smothered bumps,
his foul mood slowly rose from the dumps
but his proctologist
used a finger and missed;
when a hand’s clad in latex… he jumps

[JustDaniel]

When his hand's clad in latex, beware
if your protruding backside is bare.
When he tells you to bend
you can know that your end
is his end, and that you are his fare.

[Larry]

That your end is his end isn't fair
when you know there is nothing down there
but his latex gloved hand
with its thumb on a gland
and a finger that's been "who knows where".

[JustDaniel]

If your fungus is now who knows where where
anti-fungal yourself, and don't spare
the gel, for its use
must be quite profuse
or your itching will grow everywhere.

[Larry]

If you itch everywhere when you go
there might be something wrong down below.
Put mirrors on the floor
which will help you explore
if discomfort's beginning to glow.

[JustDaniel]

If discomfort's beginning to glow
dim the work-light that's burning below;
when you stand on a ladder
it's tough on your bladder
to shine it so brightly, you know!

[Larry]

So you know it is too bright to shine
up the ladder or when your're supine,
just bend down with a candle
whose light you can handle
and then you can see what is thine.