Birdbrain, ballad, sorta Options

[Merlin]

*** I know there are some who delight in crittin', so here's one for ya. Go a-heddin crit! It comes from the 10 word previous, which I looked into and spun this off. M (I wanted to edit some crti-stars into it, but couldn't.) ***


Birdbrain

Above me lies the powder blue,
a candy-sight for dreaming;
my spirits lift on eagle wings
and pepper-sizzle, steaming!

Far overhead, this baldachin
equates with nothing present;
a birdbrain lad I’ll always be,
or else a humble peasant!

I’ll dust the crops, I’ll cross the streams,
I’ll hatch the dumbest theories;
I’ll soar above the whitest clouds
until I capture Ceres!

[jerryk]

had trouble posting

[jerryk]

[quote name='jerryk' date='Apr 6 12, 18:02 ' post='127208']
Hi Merlin;
yours may arguably Not be a ballad, although ballads seem to come in various forms. I'm speaking of the traditional form. Also, from my point of view I like to see at least another verse added to your three, which would allow for a build-up of the "dramatic action." My understanding is that a ballad is a narrative, most often in the third-person form. And then, of course, you used the 8-7-8-7 beat which makes verse 1, lines 1 and 3 generally end on a feminine ending. Since the traditional ballad almost always describes a tragic, unavoidable ending, often already suggested in the first verse, I had to think on yours. If I may add a brief excerpt of one of my own ballads, just to reinforce my own understanding of this rhyme-form? Thanks, Merlin.

Tonight, there creaks a wagon wheel
along the rutted road;
at every labored turn it may
collapse beneath its load.

The peasant keeps his wary eyes
on this coarse, bumpy trail;
a mended wheel is but a crutch
that may stand up or fail.
............

[Merlin]

Thank you for your reply, Jerry.
Tis a holiday with us, but not everywhere (Good Friday).

You're right on the ballad description, but it need not be tragic, instead comic is completely legit. The 4-3 foot lines are sometimes considered as 7' couplets, altho most often broken into the shorter version, making the rhyme perhaps a bit easier to take than couplets. The ballad has become very stretched, and a definition is therefore broad. A narrative it should be, but anything goes, really.

I've put fem endings in because I like to stretch boundaries, and it makes it hopefully more musical and amusing (?). While that isn't standard, there wouldn't be a Shakespeare if he hadn't broken the jug and juggled. Not that I juggle, you understand...

Correct about the brevity - a bit more would round out a narrative. I didn't put much time into it, but then I usually polish things longer so it may be possible.

Happy Easter,

Merlin

[jerryk]

Hi Merlin;
right! a ballad doesn't need to be tragic in the truest sense, and that's why I hesitated critiquing your "sort-of" ballad, lol. Even if I were to disagree with you, it's still your prerogative as a poet to experiment with forms, and I feel once more reminded to have a closer look at the various possibilities the contemporary ballad has to offer. Thanks for that mental nudge; to quote John Belushi (Animal house), "I needed that."
Happy Easter to you, fellow-traveler,
Jerry

Thank you for your reply, Jerry.
Tis a holiday with us, but not everywhere (Good Friday).

You're right on the ballad description, but it need not be tragic, instead comic is completely legit. The 4-3 foot lines are sometimes considered as 7' couplets, altho most often broken into the shorter version, making the rhyme perhaps a bit easier to take than couplets. The ballad has become very stretched, and a definition is therefore broad. A narrative it should be, but anything goes, really.

I've put fem endings in because I like to stretch boundaries, and it makes it hopefully more musical and amusing (?). While that isn't standard, there wouldn't be a Shakespeare if he hadn't broken the jug and juggled. Not that I juggle, you understand...

Correct about the brevity - a bit more would round out a narrative. I didn't put much time into it, but then I usually polish things longer so it may be possible.

Happy Easter,

Merlin

[MFK Buckley]

Hey Merlin, Thanks for a nudge towards the great outdoors...

Above me lies the powder blue,
a candy-sight for dreaming;
and so stepped out since I was due
a peppered beach walk, steaming.

They say a picture's worth a thousand words
instead I penned a sonnet for the birds.

Now back to my baking! Hoppy Easter! Fran

[Merlin]

Here's hoping the good weather stays.

I remember Mary who really didn't favor any writing about nature; she was for the theological topic herself. Different strokes, as they say.

I expect to get out more now with the spring arriving. Raking grass and getting this place into shape will take a little doing, but I'm up to it. Since it was vacant for about a year, and questionable what was done before, there's plenty for me who likes flowers & such.

Any good finds on the Erie?

M

[JustDaniel]

I am akin with birder-brains
like you who whistle tunes
while skipping through the stress and strains
and leaving thoughtful runes.


deLightingly, Daniel


P.S. Who is "Mary"?