Once Born, Again, A very personal poem Options

[TygerTyger]

Once Born, Again

Once, long ago,
as we measured time then,
you seduced me.
You enticed me with your promises,
but, it was your unrelenting desire
that gradually drew me,
until my heart overruled my mind
and not knowing what to expect,
I finally surrendered myself to you.

You swore vows to me then
as you embraced me;
vows I soon learned I could trust.
My guilt ravaged spirit
trembled with new emotion
as you skillfully aroused in me desire
unlike any I'd ever known,
preparing me
for what you were about to do.

Suddenly, you entered me.

That moment seared itself
into my conscience
as I cried in anguish
from the exquisite pain;
my spirit receiving you;
virgin in this infant desire,
but far from innocent.

And in that moment,
when you engulfed me,
and possessed me
and released into me
your sperm-
as I felt it's warmth
spread through my soul,
joining itself to me
and creating a new life-
the pain was gone.
Replaced by tears of joy
as I wept uncontrollably
to feel your presence
deep inside me.

In that moment, time ceased
and there was just you and me.

As you intended,
in your knowing wisdom,
the memory of that moment
has lasted till this day.
That new life
you conceived and birthed in a second
grew inside me,
day after day,
experience after experience,
changing me
into someone
I never thought I wanted to be;
changing me
into someone
that you could love forever;
changing me
into your bride.

Now, we are here together,
alone again,
at last.
Your body,
scarred and beautiful,
close to mine,
your marked face glowing,
filling me with light;
your eyes, filled with desire,
looking deep into mine;
your hands,
pierced but bloodless
caressing me,
drawing me into you.


There is now no Sex
that separates us
into Male and Female.
there is nothing anymore
that can ever separate us
as the gratitude in my soul
and the love in my spirit
and the desires in this brand new body
overwhelm me
as we enter into each other,
setting my emotions free to soar,
feeling my spirit once again
joined to yours!
This time,
my Savior and my Lord,
The Lover of my soul,
Forever.

Dennis Martin
John 3:1-6, I John 3:9, I Peter 1:23
March 5, 2006

[TygerTyger]

Thanx JLY for the unknowing encouragement you gave me to post this one.

No one except my wife has ever read this. I post it here, because here, I feel free to.

Please let me know were it reads haltingly to you and what you would suggest to fix it. I'm also open to any alternate word choices or line/stanza breaks you may recommend.

Dennis!

[Cyn]

Luckily the title tells the reader this is a poem about being loved by God, but not all will get the reference right away.

I would use the word seed instead of sperm.

I am not fond of centering a poem of this length. I think it makes it visually cumbersome. But it does not read haltingly (either way)

I do think this can be tightened. There are a lot of unnecessary words which make it prosier than it needs to be. Here are some ideas


You seduced me,

enticed me with your promises,
your unrelenting desire gradually drew me,
until my heart overruled my mind
and not knowing what to expect,
I finally surrendered myself to you.

You swore vows to me

as you embraced me;
vows I soon learned I could trust.
My guilt ravaged spirit
trembled with new emotion
as you skillfully aroused in me desire
unlike any I'd ever known,
preparing me.

You entered me.

That moment seared itself
into my conscience
as I cried in anguish
from the exquisite pain;
my spirit receiving you;
virgin in this infant desire,
but far from innocent.
And in that moment,

you engulfed me,

and possessed me
and released into me
your seed- it's warmth
spread through my soul,
joining itself to me
and creating a new life.

The pain was gone.

Replaced by tears of joy
to feel your presence
deep inside me.

there was just you and me.

As you intended,
in your knowing wisdom,
the memory of that moment
has lasted till this day.
That new life
you conceived and birthed
grew inside me,
day after day,
experience after experience,

changing me into someone I never thought I wanted to be;

changing me into someone
that you could love forever;
changing me into your bride.

Now, we are here together,
alone again,at last.
Your body,
scarred and beautiful,
close to mine,
your marked face glowing,
filling me with light;
your eyes, filled with desire,
looking deep into mine;
your hands,
pierced but bloodless
caressing me,
drawing me into you.
There is now no Sex
that separates us
into Male and Female.

There is nothing that can ever separate us

as the gratitude in my soul
and the love in my spirit
and the desires in this new body
overwhelm me,
as we enter into each other,
free to soar,

my spirit joined to yours,

my Savior and my Lord,
The Lover of my soul,

forever.

[TygerTyger]

Luckily the title tells the reader this is a poem about being loved by God, but not all will get the reference right away.

Yea, it's a bit 'wierd', (I am a man, after all! LOL!) but, I gotta say that was how it felt. I still weep sometimes, many years later, when I think about it.
I was talking with Molly one day about what it's like from a woman's 'side' and later, as I was thinking about that conversation, of a sudden, I realized what she was describing was what happened and POW! This poem came out all at once.

I would use the word seed instead of sperm.

I knew that one was going to come up! LOL! Of course, I did think about that, but, I know the Greek in the words of the verses I'm refrencing to support the descriptions of what happened and 'sperm' is definately intended!
When I contemplated this word choice before I posted it, I looked up 'seed' in Strong's and found that there is a nonsexual Greek word for 'seed', spiero (spee-row) that can be substituted, in Greek, just as we do in English, for 'sperm' (Greek, sperma)
But, like in English, it also looses the power that is in this exclusive, sexual word. A decided difference that Jesus Himself used to great advantage in several parables which, because we translate both Greek words as 'seed' all the time, in our English translations, we miss the fuller impact He intended in His word choice. Something that then made me decide that 'sperm' would be the word I would also use!

I am not fond of centering a poem of this length. I think it makes it visually cumbersome. But it does not read haltingly (either way)

Thank you! I'll take that compliment!

I do think this can be tightened. There are a lot of unnecessary words which make it prosier than it needs to be. Here are some ideas


You seduced me,

enticed me with your promises,
your unrelenting desire gradually drew me,
until my heart overruled my mind
and not knowing what to expect,
I finally surrendered myself to you.

You swore vows to me < Good!

as you embraced me;
vows I soon learned I could trust.
My guilt ravaged spirit
trembled with new emotion
as you skillfully aroused in me desire
unlike any I'd ever known,
preparing me.

You entered me.

That moment seared itself
into my conscience
as I cried in anguish
from the exquisite pain;
my spirit receiving you;
virgin in this infant desire,
but far from innocent.
And in that moment,

you engulfed me,

and possessed me
and released into me
your seed- it's warmth
spread through my soul,
joining itself to me
and creating a new life.

The pain was gone.

Replaced by tears of joy
to feel your presence
deep inside me.

there was just you and me. <- 'time stood still' is nessesary here to be accurate.

As you intended,
in your knowing wisdom,
the memory of that moment
has lasted till this day.
That new life
you conceived and birthed
grew inside me,
day after day,
experience after experience,

changing me into someone I never thought I wanted to be;

changing me into someone
that you could love forever;
changing me into your bride.

Now, we are here together,
alone again,at last.
Your body,
scarred and beautiful,
close to mine,
your marked face glowing,
filling me with light;
your eyes, filled with desire,
looking deep into mine;
your hands,
pierced but bloodless
caressing me,
drawing me into you.
There is now no Sex
that separates us
into Male and Female.

There is nothing that can ever separate us,<-Good!

as the gratitude in my soul
and the love in my spirit
and the desires in this new body
overwhelm me,
as we enter into each other,
free to soar,

my spirit joined to yours,

my Savior and my Lord,
The Lover of my soul,

forever.

There are some realy good ideas here! Thanx!

But, let's see what other input I'll get before I attempt a revision!

Thanx so much for looking at it and commenting. You are appreciated!

Dennis!

[Peterpan]

Hi!

This is a facinating poem. I enjoyed every angle. If something strikes me I will let you know.

Well done!

PP

[TygerTyger]

Hi!

This is a facinating poem. I enjoyed every angle. If something strikes me I will let you know.

Well done!

PP

Thanx, PP!