Spirit of Life, rhyming iambic tetrameter Options

[JustDaniel]

Spirit of Life

I

Thy soul is known to God alone.
If thou be His, there’s no tombstone
can hide thee; even there you’ll see
‘twill be no hour of secrecy.

II

There’ll be no silent solitude
nor loneliness, for even then,
your spirit joins with those who’ve stood
in righteousness none can disdain
because it’s His—and yet it will
be given you as well; be still.

III

No night, however dark, shall frown
upon your grave; you will look down
from ‘round His throne wherever Heav’n
is . . . filled with Light no mortal’s giv’n
on earth—though we have glimpsed a beam—
for there how dim our past will seem.
New Life, in hope no one can sever,
it will cling to thee for ever.

IV

This heav’nly vision none can banish;
tears and sorrow there shall vanish;
Struggles of this life shall pass;
they’ll melt as dew upon the grass.

V

So breathe the breath of God; be still
and know He’s with you, whether hill
or shadowed valley; love’s unbroken.
Here His Spirit’s but a token.
Soar in peace above the trees;
we sing with joy this mystery.

© MLee Dickens'son 22 Oct 2006


a riposte to EA Poe's Spirits of the Dead

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Oooops Daniel! You just posted 'knight's wet' yesterday so you're a day too early with this one. I have to close it till tomorrow my friend! *smiles*

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Sorry Daniel!

I'll be back soon to offer crit!

Cat

[JustDaniel]

I'll look forward to it, Cat. I'm glad that I evidently helped you solve the mystery of your time differential on your computer. I was excited to find out what my first reader had to say, and voila! Ya locked me out. But I wasn't angry, just puzzled. Glad I could catch ya on AOL.

deLightin' in the fact that I ain't the only bud what makes missteaks, Daniel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I am so sorry Daniel!

It's still not right! If I go with Central Time the site says 9:25AM and I have it on Eastern Time it says 10:25AM. It's 11:25AM in Indiana right now. LOL

Cathy

[TygerTyger]

Rhyming Iambic tetrameter. Hummmm...

OK Let's see that means two X four = 8 syllables. OK.

So, for instructional purpose only, I ask: Is the third line in S1 off by one beat? My ill-trained ear seems to think so.

Sir Daniel, I am not by any means as crafty a wordsmith as yourself. So I ask because, like a student who must feel that there's no such thing as a stupid question (just stupid answers), I aspire to learn. And if my ignorance be known to all, then so be it!

I notice the use of several Old English contractions and of course the use of 'thou'. Obviously it was intentional but I'm curious to know if this particular dialect of English invites this kind of meter?

This is, in my humble opinion, an expert work, worthy of being read in a finely bound edition. Not just for it's appealing poetic form but for it's content as well.

I have only one suggetion.

So breathe the breath of God; be still
and know He's with you, whether hill
or shadowed valley; love's unbroken.
Here His Spirit's but a token. <- 'Token' has a double meaning with the lesser meaning, in my opinion, being predominant in modern thought; that of 'a souvenir'. I recognize the better use myself, that of being 'a represenative of the whole', but others might not. For like your poem the better use is Old English in origin. So, in fitting also with the theme in line one of 'being still', I offer this suggestion for your most introspective consideration. "Here His Spirit's softly spoken." I don't think that messes with the meter and maybe, if you agree, it compliments L1 and adresses the abiding nature of His Spirit, His 'Ruach', His 'Breath' within us.
Soar in peace above the trees;
we sing with joy this mystery.

May all things be only as you wish!

Dennis!

[JustDaniel]

Rhyming Iambic tetrameter. Hummmm...

OK Let's see that means two X four = 8 syllables. OK.

Quite correct.

So, for instructional purpose only, I ask: Is the third line in S1 off by one beat? My ill-trained ear seems to think so.

can HIDE thee; EVen THERE you’ll SEE [ you'll sounds like yule ]

Sir Daniel, I am not by any means as crafty a wordsmith as yourself. So I ask because, like a student who must feel that there's no such thing as a stupid question (just stupid answers), I aspire to learn. And if my ignorance be known to all, then so be it!

No ignorance at all. My guess is that you pronounce contracted words by sounding the letter that's contracted; I believe you're not alone in that. But, to my thinking, that's the very purpose of the contraction -- to eliminate a syllable. Not at all a 'stupid' question. I know I asked it myself ages ago.

I notice the use of several Old English contractions and of course the use of 'thou'. Obviously it was intentional but I'm curious to know if this particular dialect of English invites this kind of meter?

Well, it's not exactly Old English, but it's old enough. Many folks who allude to the Scriptures using the English sonnet revert to the Thee and Thou and didst and canst, etc. -- sometimes incorrectly, but I hope I have not done that.

This is, in my humble opinion, an expert work, worthy of being read in a finely bound edition. Not just for it's appealing poetic form but for it's content as well.

I humbly appreciate your approbation, Dennis!

I have only one suggetion.

So breathe the breath of God; be still
and know He's with you, whether hill
or shadowed valley; love's unbroken.
Here His Spirit's but a token. <- 'Token' has a double meaning with the lesser meaning, in my opinion, being predominant in modern thought; that of 'a souvenir'. I recognize the better use myself, that of being 'a represenative of the whole', but others might not. For like your poem the better use is Old English in origin. So, in fitting also with the theme in line one of 'being still', I offer this suggestion for your most introspective consideration. "Here His Spirit's softly spoken." I don't think that messes with the meter and maybe, if you agree, it compliments L1 and adresses the abiding nature of His Spirit, His 'Ruach', His 'Breath' within us.
Soar in peace above the trees;
we sing with joy this mystery.

May all things be only as you wish! ~ Dennis!

You make a convincing argument, and your suggestion is very apt indeed. I shall definitely keep that one in the forefront of my mind for the revision. I'm waiting for others to have the time to offer any further suggestions, but I'm defiinitely leaning toward this one; it does add a different, but reflexive tone to it.

deLighting in your sharing, Daniel

[Guest_Gregory_*]

Daniel, you have done an expert riposte here, duly turned old EA Poe on his earhole. The text is very similar but apposite and so is a strong answer to the alienated Poe. The only suggestion I have is in the last 2 lines, why singular mystery when plural would strengthen the rhyme; ie ...these mysteries. It seems you are singing about more than one mystery anyway. I could imagine finding this in a hymn book, cheers, Gregory

[JustDaniel]

Daniel, you have done an expert riposte here, duly turned old EA Poe on his earhole.

Now that is quite an image, Gregory!

The text is very similar but apposite and so is a strong answer to the alienated Poe.

Interesting use of 'apposite' -- which is probably appropriate -- and a word I've not used for ages, so for reminding me of it; but did you mean 'opposite'? That would even be more appropriate, methinks.

The only suggestion I have is in the last 2 lines, why singular mystery when plural would strengthen the rhyme; ie ...these mysteries. It seems you are singing about more than one mystery anyway.

I'm alluding to the mystery of faith which the Scriptures speak of in a number of passages... but mysteries is certainly a good suggestion.

I could imagine finding this in a hymn book, cheers, Gregory

Thanks so much, Gregory; I appreciate the compliment. However, because of the uneven structure of the stanzas of Poe's poem, which I'm mirroring, it might be hard to find a tune... and I haven't written one in four decades!

Lightly strummin', Daniel