Larry, thanks for reading and the comments. Scarab is no longer a member of MM and all his posts have been delete for just the reasons you saw. I was ignoring him while trying to get this accomplished. It has also brought about some changes, that you may read in Nero's, posted by Lori.
Now as to haiku/ Senyru... I have been doing a lot of reading ever since I first became aquainted with this form. There certainly seems to be a lot of debate both pro and con on what is and is not haiku/senyru. I am going to play devil's advocate a bit here.
I first learned the traditional translated way of writing hiaku, but I kept being told I had to actually use the name of a season. Then I was told no use an implied form of the season as you suggest. I am not saying what you state is wrong, but is there a formalized english version of haiku/senyru...?
I have also been told it has to be 5/7/5, then someone else says no as long as only fifteen sylables are used, then someone else says no 17 can be used.
As far as the tell/show thing I am becoming like Sylvia on that... does it really matter if I tell instead of show? Maybe it was my intention to tell? Doesn't trying to show sometimes become so obtuse that the imagery goes way off into left field? As long as the writers idea gets across, I sometime would rather the reader know exactly what I want, rather than trying to guess away.
ie..if I said: a bloody sliced muscle, chared,infested with fungoid, soaked in animal fat, with sharp bitter shallot...
doesn't sound half as nice as a: tender, juicy sirloin, grilled over a mesquite fire, smoothered in sautéed mushrooms and onions; now does it.
Therefor isn't my word choice and the way I write it as important?
Ok I am through with the devil now. I understand this is a japenese form that is trying to be followed as closely as possible in English, but if we are going to adhere as closely as posssible to that form in calling it Hiaku or Senyru, then can we as 'stealers' from all languages not also reinterpret this form to our own usage and maybe come with a different name/ different rules?
And aren't rules made to be broken?
I really do appreciate your critique Larry, very very much. It has just given me lots of questions, and yes if I were to follow the strictest rule then this is no where near a hiaku.
I am really interested in this format, maybe we could call ours Ameriku or Hiaus Senstates or Musiku Mosaiku
Hesitant cloud hangs
damp against frost bit leaves.
White flakes will soon fall.
As per your suggestions.
Thanks for letting me vent on this.