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jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 5 12, 09:04


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Dear Larry,
A true "think piece" presented with all its poetic ploys.
How well you've approached the final couplet... How well that couplet wraps it up.
Cheers, jgdittier
(I'm hoping for your sequel on 21/12)
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127172 · Replies: 6 · Views: 1,944

jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 4 12, 16:48


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Dear Fran,
I've never been good at critiquing or for that matter interpriting goog poetry and those skills have receeded even more over these few years of widowerhood.
However, I still believe i often get the gist of good stuff even if I miss the subtlities.
Knowing the past I truly hope the volleys will return and we might even be blessed with Sue.
I'll not write unless my muses return, but I'll read and I'll enjoy!
Cheers, jgdittier
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127162 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,220

jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 4 12, 11:34


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Dear FRan,
An elegant response that features your use of those same rhymes from Merlin's poem.
Cheers, jgdittier
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127155 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,798

jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 4 12, 08:53


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Dear Wally,
Despite the passage of years away from these boards on reading "A Rhyme for Mamma", I must comment.
I'm not alone I see in finding many elements of classical poetry in this piece. I'm not alone either in sensing to effort you put into it, or its epic quality. ...such passage of so much time in so few words and its capacity to reach the reader's emotions.From the newly dusted and curtained bedroom full of hope to the dashed hope of its "tumbledown" condition!
There's so much to like; but as for me, I hear the music as I read it with inflection, and to me it's as melodic as an aria from "La Boheme".
Many folks cry at the ending of a tragic opera, don't they. So did some of your commenters!!!
The cheeriest of cheers! jgdittier
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127152 · Replies: 17 · Views: 6,463

jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 1 12, 18:24


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Dear Eric,
I guess I'm too old to break the "Dear" habit, but I really mean it.
Perhaps it's never too late to go back to that fall and set things right. Best luck!
Even if too late, prize it for what it was!!!
Cheers, Ron
ps- if you write like this, AND she reads, you've no worries.
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127088 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,018

jgdittier
Posted on: Apr 1 12, 15:21


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Hi Eric,
It's great to have you as a poetry resource back again.
Being a formalist with great respect for our heritage, I see you have written your posting with strict concern for all the aspects of poetry I most admire.
I hope your return to the net may motivate my ex-muses to return and if they do, so will I.
You set a standard I'd like to follow.
Thanks
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #127073 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,018

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 19 10, 15:37


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Dear Larry,
as to my suggestions, please take them only if they strike your fancy. I will feel more guilty if you accept them than if you didn't. I'm and admitted horse of another color and don't want to off-color anyone else's poetry.
Cheers, ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #123247 · Replies: 7 · Views: 6,532

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 18 10, 14:42


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Dear Larry,
My recent comments to Leo confirm my appreciation for CONTRIVED poetry. Contrived may be harsh, as I refer to verse that must be composed, that is, fit a form or in this case forms.
You've spun a work of considerable interest while using required words, the sonnet form and the swap quatrain form.
Even a poor effort would be newsworthy.
I've never likes suggesting actual modifications, other than typos. However, this one deserves to force me to break my own rules.
I wonder about "lays" in line one I like better "lies" and think you might then end line three with " and sees through future's eyes".
Line six: "that pick the path" (I love alliteration)
Line thirteen: "of KARma ONCE i DREAMED
14: Karma's what I dreamed, or so it seemed.
I think your line 12 is masterful, "construed like veins within a leaf". That ties it all up so nicely!
Congratulations

Cheers, jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #123241 · Replies: 7 · Views: 6,532

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 18 10, 13:59


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Dear Leo,
I haven't looked in here for awhile. Being a light verser with little love for modern poetry techniques seems to force me to be constantly looking for a more suitable home.
Your posting here suits my interests fine as your using an established form and you've included wit and humor.
You have done one more thing I like but the world generally doesn't. That is you've drawn attention to some end rhymes by making them possibly contrived but nonetheless witty.
Excuse/hypotenuse brings my smile and alligator/calculator!!! Why modern poetry is so full of no-nos that surely take the joy out of contrived thought leaves me searching for more than beauteous language read in a monotone.
May your abacus someday solve pi!!!
Nicely done!
Cheers, jgdittier
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #123240 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,830

jgdittier
Posted on: Sep 27 10, 18:41


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Dear Sue,
How nicely you've used this form! On rereading, I can't believe I didn't guess the subject to the last line.
Cheers, jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122880 · Replies: 7 · Views: 6,567

jgdittier
Posted on: May 31 10, 10:11


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Dear Lori and staff,
Tho I've been dry as the Sahara for several months now, perhaps your proposed reforms will end the drought.
I wandered away from MM because of an aspect of its strong commitment to crits. My problem was/is that I consider myself a light verser. As a light verser, both crits written by others and my crits for others mostly missed the mark. I found no happy place to post where verse such as mine would be treated as LIGHT VERSE. In critting others' POETRY, my intolerance for the many new no-nos that I now believe are inflicted on modern R&M POETRY would make my comments of little value. I've found similar problems everywhere I've landed and believe that why the dry spell.
I'm much in favor of your reform. Maybe now my muses will return. Ditto too for those who have developed their art fully and will thus be relieved of the need to read crits from those less advanced.
Cheers, jgdittier Ron
  Forum: Nero's News · Post Preview: #121686 · Replies: 15 · Views: 8,659

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 23 09, 12:55


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Dear Merlin,
If you feel a warm hand on your shoulder, it's undoubtedly Robert Service's!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118644 · Replies: 10 · Views: 4,203

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 23 09, 12:21


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Dear Mary,
Again you've sparked my remaining gray cells!
I suppose if I'm not the only one here whose goal is a smile rather than a feeling of mastery and or elation...but I'm probably the one most so directed.
From my approach, I must see the 10 challenge words and will judge the piece by how adroitly they are embedded. True, if they are not IDed and I can't suspect which they are, I'd judge the piece as masterful but fail the smile test.
Perhaps we all would be pleased if there's a link to the words.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118643 · Replies: 13 · Views: 4,193

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 23 09, 12:05


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Dear Mary,
Time for a comment from the faded perspective...
As is the usual case with your poetry, it glistens from both its message and its presentation.
For me to attempt to improve on it must be limited to a typo!
In that it deeserves comment, I'll comment thusly:
It seems to me that all the comments are directed totally at the message. Methinks that means the careful form you always supply, the choice of words and their flow, the MUSIC your poetry contains seems to go unnoticed.
I know you are adament about your commitment to meter.
You amaze me in handling it so well even with your commitment to enjambment, one of the poetry ploys I
haven't learned to master.
I've long admitted I want the verse I write to be as little like prose as I can make it. I never detect a semblance of prose in your works!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118642 · Replies: 17 · Views: 5,119

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 11 09, 17:27


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Dear Mary,
When I first began verse as a hobby,(2001) you were already sponsoring a weekly or monthly poetry letter on the net. Soon came Poem's Place. PP was the nicest gift I've experienced on the net.
I don't know how much earlier you developed the poetic hobby. It would seem likely much earlier as your words were of high quality even then.
Over the years since then, you say it's been six years,
you've not been posting much. That has been almost a crime. Such talent going to waste!
I was not the only one who cut my teeth under your unintentional guidence. Many are still active and with
greatly improved style.
I'm just so pleased that you're back.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118395 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,263

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 8 09, 09:52


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Dear Merlin,
Never knowing just what to look for when reading free verse,
I seem to recede to message...
My fist comment is that I learned a new word and am itching to use it somewhere. I onder if i can apply it to my verse where those sounds become repetitive and uniform, as all my stuff does.
THe thought of man's world being square as is the layout of our towns impacted my thoughts as you earlier mentioned our jungle. Ingenious irony there! THe comparing our mentality to that of a bee...
Why squares, why hexagons? Maybe because they are the best choice for both.
Then you tell us that man is smarter than the bee, yet not smart enough to protect the crease in his pressed trousers
from the rain.
Your insinuous observations of man and bee's brilliance brought that smile I treasure most when reading poetry.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: Poetry Exhibition -> Plato's Pearls of Wisdom · Post Preview: #118361 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,622

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 6 09, 18:19


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Dear Leo,
I do believe your creative muscles are ticking over!
I hope that was "cheers"!
Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118332 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,438

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 6 09, 16:56


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Dear Wally,
Though I'm a light verser through and through, its poetry such as this that is broadening my horizons. I doubt I'll ever grow to attempt this type of poetry, I'll just hope some of it impacts my smiley style.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118331 · Replies: 9 · Views: 2,247

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 6 09, 16:49


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Dear Cleo,
It is totally true that I sprinkle my verse with commas sorta like one does with salt on an ear of corn.
It may be that my goal is unmet by all those commas, but I do it because I try to make my verse musical and those misplaced commas are there to differentiate between quarter notes and half notes- sorta.
Everything in verse I've ever wrote is intended to be read aloud. I suspect that rarely occurs and so when read like prose, those commas simply confuse. Such is my frustration!
Line 3 starts with "yes" as I was hoping to confirm in the reader's mind that I recognized that he figgered Ireland when he read St. Patrick.

Dear Peggy,
You certainly are correct in noting my undervaluing of grammar.
I'll let prose claim grammar as I have a nearly infinite poetic license.

Hope you all enjoyed Halloween!
Cheers to all, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118330 · Replies: 4 · Views: 2,492

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 6 09, 16:33


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Dear Alan,
As I read this I felt a pang of questionable recognition and when I reached "Nothing Worthwhile Remains" I was positive you were papaing something I had read. Then your reference to Shelley cemented my thoughts and I broke out in goosebumps!
I've long wondered whether the poetry of the bards of yore is really as good as I believe it to be, or am I just consumed by an opinion I adopted back when I was just new at this hobby.
However, Somehow I find quality in Shelley's version and similar quality in your spoof of it.
I agree with Bev and I thank you for this as it truly has brightened my day!
Nicely done, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118329 · Replies: 9 · Views: 2,842

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 5 09, 08:56


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Dear sekhmet,
A masterful effort I'd say.
It seems to me, at least when I write, that putting words together is much easier than putting sentances together.
Yes, masterful, I'd say.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118293 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,438

jgdittier
Posted on: Nov 4 09, 09:24


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Dear All,
This is a real peach of a thread. I doubt I've ever read a better thread!
Cheers, ron
  Forum: Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing · Post Preview: #118281 · Replies: 132 · Views: 56,844

jgdittier
Posted on: Oct 25 09, 14:17


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In the land of the fairies, the gnomes and Saint Patrick
where black is the cat and the sky's full of bat tricks...
Yes it's Ireland we speak of, for mystic they are,
as their customs and antics are sometimes bizarre.

Comes the night of all saints, known as All Hallow's Day
and the lantern named Jacko, is out on display.
Once a turnip they took, and the innards extract,
and a fellow named Jack made with Satan a pact.
When they came to the states, 'twas the pumpkin they chose,
so our lawns house Jack's lantern and my, how it glows!

  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118147 · Replies: 4 · Views: 2,492

jgdittier
Posted on: Oct 17 09, 06:37


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Dear JLY,
I'm a strong believer that poets grow partially by deviating from current accepted form. I think the acceptance of every banned poetic ploy that empowers the proffer's red pencil locks the writer into a straightjacket.
In my case I smiled when I came upon "trepid" and immediately was further impressed by your swapper when I checked to see if it were a proper word. I knew your meaning as I once attended "The Trepid Fox", a strip joint.
The swapper is for me the only form I'm aware of that would have a chance of acceptance. As it is admittedly experimental as being so seems to me a great spot to introduce a new word to the vocabulary.
I like too, the way you've used fences in a positive rather than negative admonition. Your closing line is a doozy!
If a book of swappers ever does reach the press, yours here should be in it!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #118031 · Replies: 18 · Views: 4,480

jgdittier
Posted on: Oct 14 09, 15:53


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Dear JLY,
I'm impressed whenever I read a "swapper" as I know they are fraught with difficulties.
I feel heroic myself when I attempt one.
My thought is- in that the form is so strict anf the swaps so difficult to manage, focus must be placed elsewhere as the swaps just can't be so perfect as they are the highlight of the piece. It seems to me that if they can be managed just to sound natural, some other element of the piece can garner the most attention. For me, it's just gotta be the flow. (It seems to me it always is, regardless of the choice of form.)
My guess is that tetrameter does it best and metric substitutions
unbalance the piece.
You are a powerful factor in writing these and I'd greatly appreciate your comments as to how to maximize them.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #117988 · Replies: 18 · Views: 4,480

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