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sonnet bref, [ my designation ] in less than iambic tetrameter |
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Aug 24 14, 23:17
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Still Living
He was peace but the wars didn’t cease and it’s scars
they applied on his hands and his side met demands
prophesied; so that cross where He died was no loss
for He’s here, always near.
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Aug 25 14, 10:34
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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BRAVO !
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Aug 26 14, 15:01
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Thank You, Daniel!
Your "funeral rehearsal" was the inspiration.
Larry
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Jan 20 15, 00:09
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Alone With My Thoughts
They've all gone, I'm afraid, like the dawn when stars fade
from the sky and the sun with its sigh leaves but one
who will post in these halls while each ghost footstep falls.
I shall muse! You peruse.
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Feb 10 15, 23:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Keep Trying
Valentines is a day when man dines on dismay
wondering what to buy. Some more bling? Though they try
every year to surprise someone dear to their eyes
they will fail to excel.
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Feb 11 15, 06:47
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Larry, never done one of these, so this is very off the cuff, and does not rhyme. Pleased consider it to be addressed as a crit piece - where did I (not !) go wrong ?
chocolates are no go - the lady is no tramp
O-line now high fashion or is that pregnancy ?
no, middle-age spread, like peanut butter then add jamb
to succumb for strict passage - it's no go
thin your waste or widen doors
Alan
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Feb 15 15, 16:34
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Hi Alan,
The only thing I can advise is go back to the beginning of this string and read what Daniel wrote down as the rules for this new form of "sonnet?". Still not sure if the rhyme scheme is ABAB or AABB or some other combination.
Larry
p.s. It was great for your first try.
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Feb 27 15, 13:11
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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EXCUSED ABSENCE
My screen was broke; son tried to help. His E-Bay bloke was just a whelp.
The one he sent would not install; now he is bent and filled with gall.
Will not repay without a split; we're in a fray, and I could spit.
Laptop is new; rejoined the few!
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Mar 2 15, 00:04
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Not Enough Words
Few rejoined in the fray of forms coined. Their dismay stopped them short ‘ere they tried a retort. They all cried
“It’s too hard”, “I’m confused”; so their bard was bemused
and then quit in a snit!
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Jun 29 15, 09:47
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Grin and Pare It
A snit or two no crit will do
for those who tried. They chose, implied
that this short form's a miss but charms
a smile with style.
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Aug 5 15, 23:10
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Free Will
Will style bemuse awhile our muse
we still will write though quill be trite.
The thing's to try what brings our eye
to see what's free.
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Aug 6 15, 14:28
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Group: Gold Member
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Eulogy
Free what’s in minds and thoughts; all kinds
of verse we share. No worse for wear,
our good advice now would be nice
if read when dead.
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Aug 8 15, 01:37
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dead aim
dead when our works are read?' no perks
for now though we show how with glee
to pen right back e'en when friends slack
who cares; that's theirs!
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Aug 9 15, 13:46
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awakening
That they’re not here to share is fear,
perhaps they feel a lapse will heal
their muse. They can’t refuse, recant;
their gift will lift.
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Aug 9 15, 15:43
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Group: Gold Member
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Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Night Visitor
Always sneer when he's near; never smile, e'en awhile.
He will eat all that's sweet; he'll devour all your flour.
He will drink from your sink; he will spit where you sit.
He will share your nightmare.
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Aug 10 15, 09:58
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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pest aside
If a roach in the dark did encroach I’d embark
on a plan to negate with a can which is great
for the fumes which it sprays fills the rooms and it stays
to effect that insect.
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Aug 10 15, 19:05
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Group: Gold Member
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More Ohs, Morose?
Arthritis racks my fingers, neuropathy my feet; from work the pain still lingers though I'm here on my seat.
My shoulders' ache's persistent; my eyes are blurred and tired; my urge to go's insistent; I need to be rewired.
My knees and shins both make me limp; my muscles lose their tone; although I'm looking less the blimp my toothache makes me moan.
"Would I be better off if dead?" keeps running through my head.
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Aug 11 15, 07:48
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Know pain – no gain!
The metric variables have got me so confused and caused me lots of troubles because I’ve never used
a scheme where each line varies; goes up then takes a dive. I guess the rules that carries, “each one is less than five
iambic feet” but it feels strange. I count each word with care and add, subtract or rearrange with nothing left to spare.
My brain is all that hurts right now; I finished it somehow.
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Aug 11 15, 18:06
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Group: Gold Member
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Please note opening definition: any 14-line piece with any standard or variant sonnet rhyme scheme... but
- abbreviated in any recognizable meter
- shorter than iambic tetrameter.
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Aug 11 15, 18:31
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,417
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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Hi Daniel,
The last of the instructions is what had me confused.
It is the "shorter than iambic tetrameter" which got me. Your lines 9, 11 and 13 are all in tetrameter. Line 13 isn't very iambic but the other two are.
Thus, the confusion.
Larry
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