 Shivered, Think o "Long John Silver" |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
  Oct 14 07, 12:37
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#1
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny  |
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Shivered Wen da night fell der wiz I in da dark, an although all alone, eeerrie voices did 'ark; sain, Na'er be a tinking dat tis' all in yer ed, fer t-night an fer all noights ye lie wit da ded! Such da shock an da terror o what I bin told, dat I shook an I trembled as me life's blood ran cold. On dat moonless black noight fer moiles could be 'eard, me las eartly screams bein rip'd o dis world. ORIGINAL Shivered When the night fell there was I in the dark and although all alone errie voices did hark, saying; "Na'er be a thinking that 'tis all in your head for tonight and for all nights you lie with the dead" Such the shock and the terror of what I'd been told, that I shook and I trembled, as my life's blood ran cold. On that moonless black night, for miles could be heard, my last earthly screams being ripped from this world. . ·······  ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner      |
  
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Oct 18 07, 07:57
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#2
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Terry.. I love the first verse, I should say the first version of this ...shiver me timbers, it be sendin' a chill up me spine...lol...great stuff....
Steve |
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Oct 19 07, 20:22
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#3
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 18 07, 13:57 ) [snapback]103677[/snapback] Terry.. I love the first verse, I should say the first version of this ...shiver me timbers, it be sendin' a chill up me spine...lol...great stuff.... Steve Ar-Oi !!! Thanks Steve, Mission accomplished...  Not sure about me pirate dialect though??? . ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner |
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Oct 28 07, 14:55
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#4
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Terry,
Re the accent, it is a bit hard to gtet the accent - perhaps fewer words that way might still give the idea while making navigation easier ? Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Nov 5 07, 09:37
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#5
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
Hey Alan,
Yeah I'm fairly poor at 'pirate-phonetic spelling' but perhaps your right...what if I leave stanza 2 in dialect and return the rest to the original format, ie; Shivered When the night fell there was I in the dark, and although all alone, errie voices did hark, saying; Na'er be a tinking dat tis' all in yer ed, fer t-night an fer all noights ye lie wit da ded! Such the shock and the terror of what I'd been told that I shook and I trembled as me life's blood ran cold. On that moonless black night, for miles could be heard, me last earthly screams being ripped from this world. Thanks for that, let me know how this version sits with you, it's mostly format tweaks. Best Wishes . ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner |
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