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Rondeau, Poetic Form Exercise |
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Feb 8 23, 08:12
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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So glad that you kept trying, Larry. Continued blessings as you recall your joys and sorrows, Daniel
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Feb 11 23, 20:36
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Will Winter?
Will winter ever go away; a month, two weeks, another day? I’m sick and tired of being cold but seasons cannot be cajoled like visitors who overstay!
The groundhog's news from its foray was six more weeks but who's to say. Prognostication’s oversold! Will winter ever go away?
I know that spring is on its way when I can go outside and play but now the snow and ice enfold. Soon this will change or so I’m told I'm getting old. What’s the delay? Will Winter?
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Feb 12 23, 02:44
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Nice piece, Larry. Not sure why you shortened your last line, but doesn't take away from the message.
Just a few corrections for you: S2L1 & S3L5 winter (no CAPS on seasons) S2L1 groundhog's S2L2 who's S3L1 spring (no CAPS on seasons)
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Feb 12 23, 12:03
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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My Temple
My temple, built to offer praise of quarried stone each workman lays on David’s Hill, Jerusalem for Me a living diadem a crown of thanks for endless days
My people, if they change their ways and each to Me attention pays I’ll listen and provide for them My temple
For every one who homage pays and praying, on their new path stays I’ll gather them together, hem them in My love as precious gems Bow daily – not a fad or craze – My temple
© MLee Dickens’son 2023 Daniel J Ricketts
on II Chronicles 7:14
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Feb 19 23, 11:20
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Very nicely done Daniel! You could probably write a few hundred Rondeaus utilizing the scriptures as inspiration.
Hey Daniel! Surprise… Surprise; an actual critique. Been off line for a few days but I will take your suggestions on the seasons, where appropriate, the possessive “groundhog’s” and the contraction “who’s”. I’ve heard for years about the seasonal rule of thumb of no “CAPS” so I was trying to illustrate, with this poem, that there are actually three instances; with which I am sure you are aware; where that rule is not valid. I veered away from my intended example and dwelled more on being “old and cold”! I was going to emphasize all three but they either didn’t fit into the Rondeau format or, like I said before, I went off on another tangent with the poem. I had planned to use something like “Spring waltzed in…” or “Winter bared his crystal teeth” but the muse sent me on another track. I did get my idea in with the final line with “Will Winter?” That line was shortened for the anthropomorphic characteristics of someone trying to convince “Winter” to change his mind about staying around with their willpower. Thus the short question was asked. I thought that a couple of lines of “foreshadowing” might lead the reader to my point; such as “seasons cannot be cajoled” and “visitors who overstay”. Apparently not! Anyway, I hope my convoluted reasoning brought clarity to the question in the truncated final line. Your suggestions will be edited as soon as I post this answer.
Thanks for the head's up.
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Feb 19 23, 15:52
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Convoluted?
Convoluted? No! Clarification of your well-seasoned versification Every winter, spring, summer and fall come right around year by year almost ho-hum so they hardly need amplification
Winter's cold, then it takes a vacation as the crocus prompt infatuation during springtime... so that seasons become convoluted
All the rain, sun and clouds in migration make the lovers embrace affectation and parade in the streets beating drums 'til the once-passive public succumbs to a grand antidiscrimination... convoluted!
© MLee Dickens’son 2023 Daniel J Ricketts
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Mar 14 23, 12:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Incompetence
Incompetence is now the rule including elephant and mule whose memories and stubbornness continue on, but I digress. What once had been a shining jewel
is now a land where every fool demands redress and knows that you'll right wrongs and crimes from some U. S. incompetence!
Now governments and every school skew facts and truths in constant duel. Likewise, the media’s a mess with twisted lies like braided tress. Therefore, I must conclude it’s cruel incompetence.
S2/L2 & L3 did read: demands what’s their perceived redress for wrongs and crimes from some U. S.
Thank you Daniel! What's really sad is that I had the form parameters cut and pasted on the Rondeau and through my own incompetence, failed to follow those simple guidelines. Guess that is the old "mote/beam" realization.
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Mar 15 23, 05:40
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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so sad
So sad that in S2L2 you lost the rhyme scheme; shame on you. But it was not incompetence. 'twas simply reaching o'er the fence because you saw that greener view.
aabba! Simply do aabR in second. You did abbR, see? and hence... so sad!
I know your next rondeau won't skew the rondeau rhyme scheme. There are few mistakes you make. Your recompense will show that you have common sense and henceforth none will misconstrue "so sad"
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Mar 16 23, 09:21
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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I Thank You
I thank you for your kind critique and for corrections I would seek for veering from the Rondeau form. Cognition’s straying from the norm! I thank you when my Rondeaus reek.
Here lately, things are kind of bleak; with paddles lost I’m up that creek but I am weathering the storm. I thank you!
Your thoughtful humor, tongue in cheek is part of your expert mystique. You don’t cajole, berate or harm the poet’s feelings; that’s your charm. For guidance when things go oblique, I thank you.
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Mar 17 23, 09:44
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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You’re welcome!
You're welcome to my humorous critique; it comes from both of us. We give and take as here we grow though at our age it is but slow but know we seldom miss the bus.
We see mistakes and then adjust and hopefully ere we combust. I trust my words will never blow your welcome!
The things we share we oft discuss expecting that we won't disgust each other and that we'll bestow some wisdom tied up in a bow to give before it turns to dust. You're welcome.
© MLee Dickens’son 2023 Daniel J Ricketts
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Mar 29 23, 14:44
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Though None May See
Though none may see my offering except for Daniel, who is king of Rondeau form. His expertise in great critiques will always please the writer and can often bring
a smile; allay correction’s sting. He tries to make your poem sing so its perfection may appease though none may see.
Your thoughts, dredged up on silken string to which some new ideas cling, may be the impetus and tease a story of new budding trees or all the glory of the spring though none may see.
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Apr 10 23, 18:07
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Who Cares?
Who cares if no one sees our play in rhyme and meter every day? We practice it with wisdom, wit and silliness... whatever fits or even sometimes go astray.
For what we write, no one will pay and we can each take it away or sometimes simply leave it sit. Who cares?
We spar, trade punches anyway and sometimes sing at cabaret where we perform a little skit We've ne'er produced a single hit but prattle for some ass's neigh who cares.
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May 7 23, 10:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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My Muse
My muse now lies in golden urn upon the dregs of life. Eyes burn from loss and memories that fade with age. The plans which we had made are dust. Would that I might discern
God’s plan. Although the words now churn within my mind, I cannot turn them into forms thus I degrade my muse.
Through inspiration I should learn to listen but I often spurn her goads so now I am afraid that efforts are a weak charade. When for her guidance I now yearn, my muse now lies.
Daniel, it really is difficult; even after nine months, to write a lot without Ginger to inspire me.
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May 8 23, 10:07
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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A muse who lies
A muse who lies has little use and can no more your brain seduce. It's best to move away from her and spend more time with your old cur on walks where you pick up its deuce.
The exercise of your caboose will likely make its size reduce and also will your saboteur amuse.
Of course you should not turn to booze but there are many things to choose Drive 'round the town with your chauffeur and with your counselor confer about the things that would confuse a muse.
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Jul 20 23, 08:47
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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With Love
With love’s demise, so too my muse; whose inspirations I may chose to share in simple Rondeau form. It’s dissipated in this storm of sadness some may call the blues.
My hope is that I won’t abuse your mind and heart with saddened news for I would never wish to harm your soul, subvert poetic corm with love’s demise.
They say, with time, the scars will fuse and some new love will come. I’ll lose those aches and pains and she may charm; rekindle fires now cold. She’ll warm once frozen heart and so enthuse with love.
Daniel, it's a slow process and I am not there yet. It's only 4 days from that terrible anniversary. Prayers help!
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Jul 23 23, 09:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Greening Our Economy
Our money can't be eaten. Plant a tree and let it bear its fruit for you and me. Pick up that trash, recycle all the junk we used to burn or bury; fill your trunk; transport to our reclaim facility.
Help make our rivers, lakes pollution-free. Promote wind, wave and solar energy. Replant, expand the forests that we've shrunk. Our money can’t be eaten.
Change attitudes to green from bourgeoisie. Repopulate with fish each lake and sea. Refresh the ponds and city air that long have stunk. Reclaim once-sparkling water you have drunk. Promote the wisdom of the Native Cree: “Our money can’t be eaten.”
© MLee Dickens’son 2023 Daniel J Ricketts
“Only when the last tree has been cut down, the last fish been caught, and the last stream poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money“ - Cree Tribe Native American Prophecy
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Jul 25 23, 11:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Daniel, I doubt anyone noticed your admonitions to change the way we all live but I want to thank you for the inspiration for my rebuttal.
The Heat
The heat you’re feeling now is just the first but I have doubts that you have seen the worst. You really pissed her off for this last time and now your ass is grass; ain’t worth a dime. She will not answer prayers; lips dry from thirst.
Your plans are far too late, the dam has burst for autumn storms will come, you’ll be immersed. She’ll make sure you are punished for your crime. The heat
will melt the polar ice; glaciers you’ve cursed. Sure death will come. No ends of life are nursed! The floods will cover each and every clime to wash away the filth; entomb the grime. Then winter freezes all as she’s reversed the heat.
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Jul 25 23, 18:01
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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You're right!
You're right. We've lived this way for far too long. Our dying world is right where we belong. Who thinks that we'd escape are fools for sure imagining they'll step in no manure that oozes through their toes 'round that old thong.
We'll practice all our Green to save Hong Kong but all our efforts merely will prolong what's racing down the road -- what will assure your write!
So, piss on everything! Pull out your schlong and water down the marchers in that throng imagining Grim Reaper they'll detour. Okay, perhaps their drive to Green is pure but all that they expect is very wrong. You're right.
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Jul 28 23, 09:10
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,389
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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I’d Think
I’d think the ones who run this ship of fools would find the brightest minds and use those tools to mitigate or change our current ways. It may take time but then it would amaze. Are we all doomed because of stubborn mules
who’d rather gather money, gold and jewels? It doesn’t seem to matter who now rules. They’re all the same until the end of days I’d think!
We’re now consigned to waste or wars and duels between the nations of our world. The ghouls who still believe that road down which they gaze will see them through the earth’s atomic haze. If not, we’re all just dust and molecules I’d think.
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Sep 9 23, 09:34
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,596
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Here's my response to a 12-word word bank today: Blackberries will not grow
Blackberries will not grow in tundra's soil Such longitudinality will spoil your berry-searching efforts with despair Ask any of the guards on Icelandair Mainstreaming lyrics would be better toil
You'll ne'er get splinters striking keys, nor roil yourself into a raging, seething boil Don't let your fascination go to where blackberries will not grow
Before you shuffle off this mortal coil no Martian's likely e'er to be your foil so soar to where the air is sweet and rare Perhaps you’ll sprout out lizard-wings up there In dreams there is no place, by rules of Hoyle, blackberries will not grow © MLee Dickens’son 2023 Daniel J Ricketts 12-Word Prompt: blackberries, tundra, longitudinal, despair, guards, mainstream, lyrics, splinter, keys, fascination, Martian, lizard (in order of appearance)And here's the link on AP: https://allpoetry.com/poem/17365887-Blackbe...MLee-Dickensson
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