The (Failed) Gold Heist of 1950 - Part II, Wizard Award Winner Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

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Hi all,

This is a copy of the poem I've posted for Pandora - based on Grace's train photo: Click to see Grace's photo.

I'm posting here because this represents a different type of poem from me and crit would be appreciated. Today I finished another poem in a similar mould, so I think some feedback on the style would be helpful. Thanks in anticipation, J.

This poem is to no know set form, as such.

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© Mike Gable, 2005. I, Mike Gable, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Update from AB to AC - thanks Nina. (Two small changes, as per Nina's crit).

Ref: MG 0455 AC

The (Failed) Gold Heist of 1950 - Part II
by MG

Our yearly visit
to Dad - who stole gold in transit,
failed his escape to Hermitage.

Journey to Leicester:
have I packed our souwesters?
Mum’s worry whilst squatting a midge.

Businessmen up front,
families behind, bearing their brunt,
so hot we’d love drinks from a fridge.

Rocks in the valley,
travel Scrabble with Aunt Sally,
watching for Indians on the ridge.

Passengers prattle,
our wooden carriages rattle,
as we track along this stone bridge.

(end)

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Jun 14 06, 18:54