Ode To A Milkman, . Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© James Oxenholme, 2005. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance, only.
.
Ref: RL 0273 AB

Ode To A Milkman
by RL

That’ll be:
Seven shillings, six pence,
Please.

Can I pay you tomorrow?

You certainly can, me duck.

(end)

[Guest__*]

OWED TO A MILKMAN
(Red-top version)

Sorry, missus,
them arrears
has just gotta
be paid

Oh, very well then,
come in

~~-~~-~~-~~-~~

Owed to a milkman,
life itself

Should I call him ...




... Dad ?

Alan McAlpine Douglas

PS - In the UK, milk is known by its colour of foil seal, Gold-top, silver-top etc. The tabloid papers with screaming headlines, like the Mirror and the Sun, because of their front-page design, are known as "Red-tops".

I wish to state unequivocally that this is a work of fiction, conceived in 2005, at my current age of 63, in response to Jox's similarly-named poem, and in no way impugns the reputation of any of my senior relatives ! )

PPS - Jox, I trust that you subscribe to the fashionable view that there is no greater flattery than imitation !

PPPS - Should no one hear of me ever again, don't send out a search-party - just arrest Jox on suspicion ....

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Alan, how do you know where he is writing from in the first place? Ah, but you have met, I seem to recall ...

James, how do you find time to such eloquence into your PUN-ishing schedule, me duck?

Fran (sorry, must go, the milk's just arrived)

[Guest_Nina_*]

I'm a bit slow on the uptake.  I didn't get the pun until I read Alan's post.  

The weird thing is, only a short while before reading this ode, I was chatting to a colleague about her son who is a milkman in Highgate.

Can't stand milk myself though.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Alan, hi...

Where do I start?

I have to be careful, in case I'm suspiciously arrested. So many puns in that - most chucklesome.

And I rather thought you were tall and I was pint-sized. Oh well!

Thanks for the flattery,

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

>>James, how do you find time to such eloquence into your PUN-ishing schedule, me duck?

Thank you very much. I was inspired by all the rich nightingales which were spotted in the time of Keats around here (he briefly lived in this fair city).

>>Fran (sorry, must go, the milk's just arrived)

Just say "No" (if one has the bottle) to any offers of cheap creme fraiche. It costs mre in the end.

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Thanks for stopping off at the Milk Bar.

>>I'm a bit slow on the uptake.  I didn't get the pun until I read Alan's post.

See Alan, yours works better than mine!

>>The weird thing is, only a short while before reading this ode, I was chatting to a colleague about her son who is a milkman in Highgate.

How many self-loading pints and yoghurt bombs does he keep in his Arsenal?

>>Can't stand milk myself though.

Would Madame care for a green tea, instead?

Thanks, Nina. James.

[Guest_Perrorist_*]

James

We don't have milkmen in Australia (at least not in the areas I've lived in). This unfortunately invalidates your verse unless you are prepared to recast it.

Also, while I understand your reluctance to go metric with measurements, didn't the UK move to a decimal currency some time in the last forty years? I can distinctly remember it causing a leap in the cost of living.

I propose you change the title from 'Ode to a Milkman' to 'Ode to the Refrigerated Food Section at Tesco's".

:) Perry

[Guest_Jox_*]

ROFL, Perry.

Thanks for your amusing response.

Monday, 15th February, 1971 was D-Day (decimalisation Day) for UK coinage. But I still talk £SD (Pounds, Shillings and Pence). When did you depart Blighty?

1/- (One Shilling) = 12 d (pence); so 7/6 (Seven and Six) is 90d (90 pence).

£1 remained the UK's base monetary unit and 240d = 100p - d being original pence and p being the new ones. So 1p=2.4d.

I chose this value because it is the price of the dog licence before that was abolished. (Translated to 37.5p - new pence).

Now that would be a weekly milk bill. Today, one litre of value milk from Tesco costs 33p and the pretty-packaged milk costs 45p / litre. 1970s inflation did most of that. (Though, as you indicate, many people did blame decimalisation for a general price-hike, too).

Apropos litres / pints: Supermarkets sell in litres but milkmen still deliver in pints. (Just can't keep up!)

Nowadays, I think the volume of milk sold through supermarkets exceeds that sold by milkmen. Tesco now deliver groceries, too - a further nail in milko's coffin.

There were only milkman milk deliveries thrice a week when we moved here (ironically daily now) so we bought from shops and have never used a milkman. Their prices are between 50-100% higher than the supermarket. But some housewives find their presence priceless.

So, thanks for the invitation but I'll leave my verse in the days before The Beatles started all the changes that led, via funny money, to Tesco's prosperity (now on course to make £2 billion PROFIT this year - turnover much higher, of course).

Yours in affectionate nostalgia, James.

PS There aren't many Nightingales nor Grecian Urns around - I've asked for Keats to be exhumed so he can update...

Ode to Tupperware? Damn! That's on the decline too. Oh well.

Cheers, Perry :)

[Guest_Perrorist_*]

James

I left England at the end of 1976, so I experienced decimalisation first hand. It was a good excuse to round up prices, although it wasn't the cause of the steep rise in inflation. I lived in Scandinavia for three of the years in the early 70s. Therefore my total seventies' experience was limited, but I do recall the strikes and power cuts under Heath. Fortunately, we lived next to a hospital and were unaffected.

Them were the days.

Perry

[Guest_Jox_*]

Thanks Perry.

Indeed, they sparked much writing and more. They culminated in the 1979 "Winter of Discontent" - the phrase bororwed from our old friend, the Bard. In that corpses were unburried, fires unquenched, rubbish uncollected, rats unfettered and so on. Something had to give. What gave was socialism. This country was subjected to The Thatcherite Revolution, turning us from a limping, worsening, useless place to a thrusting, dynamic and modern economy. But, of course, many people were killed in the revolution and many lost out. Looking back, now though, we would have been far worse off if it weren't for Thatcher. But she also needed to be dispensed with - else we would have lurched too far right. As it is, we have a right-wing Labour government and a somewhat lefter Conservative opposition. It really is time to bury these left/right labels. I feel an essay coming on...

James.

[Cybele]

Good morning James,

It never ceases to amaze me on reflection back to those days that the milkmen always called for his money on the wrong day. When confronted by so many "Can I pay you tomorrow's? wouldn't it have been sensible to change his collection day?

Good job they were blessed with the milk of human kindness.

7s6d, about the price of a mars bar these days. Hey Ho James