Since it had been several decades since I'd even thought of Poe's Annabel Lee
, I thought it might be helpful to offer this link to it... to get a flavor of what you're evidently emulating in this narrative poem, am. I hope that's ok ? I'd have had no clue unless I'd looked it up myself. I hardly even rang a bell till I read it.
And here's a link to the New Mexico Lobos
too... since I knew nothing about them either. I'm assuming that you're alluding to their football team (?) since that's the season that's upon us?
QUOTE(ArtesiaMeeks @ Aug 16 06, 19:30 ) [snapback]81107[/snapback]
The stars shine bright when the moon is low
across the desert
[ Do you not use '...sand' because that's what would be expected, am? ]
a the wolves ran in packs like jumping jacks
now known as New Mexico’s Lobos
and mascot whose future began
to help bring the Lobos to victory.
The wolf is
young and ageless; the Lobos are young
in this land of the desert sand,
but together they work, together they perk,
University U of New Mexico Lobos
in the arena where shouts are led by the band,
and they play hard for
I just want to see if we're pointing in the same direction at this point, am, before I go on further. I'm still digesting Poe's piece, which doesn't follow a specific pattern, but does variously repeat lines and parts of lines intermittently. I've never studied it (or any other classic poem for that matter!) ... so I'm not aware of a particular pattern, but you seem to be capturing something of the flavor of it in this.
I'll be back, but I would like to hear from you and see others' take too before I dig myself into a hole and have the desert winds bury me alive!
deLighting in the journey in the sun B) , Daniel