Calling Options

[Siren]

<font color='#000000'>Revision


Across oceans,
through time's continuum
I sense your call
like ripples forming in my dormant heart.

Your lonely beat beckons mine silently,
beseeching requitance.

"I'm thirsty!" you cry.

Lonely too;
I can't help but reply:

Quench your thirst
with the nectar of my lips.

Drown your sorrows
in my welcoming softness.

Drink the love
from my essence,
and nourish your soul
from the willingness of mine...

Care for me!

I shall... for only you
through space and time!



Original

Across oceans,
through spaced time difference
I sense your call
like ripples forming in my dormant heart.

Your lonely heart beckons mine in silence,
beseeching requitance.

"I'm thirsty!" you cry.

Lonely too,
I can't help but reply:

Quench your thirst
with the nectar of my open lips.

Drown your sorrows
in my welcoming softness.

Come...
drink my love
from the essence of my heart,
and nourish your soul
from the willingness mine offers you...

Care for me!

I shall care for only you
through open space and time! </font>



<!--EDIT|Siren
Reason for Edit: None given|1139994271 -->

[Cyn]

Love is in the air.

I love this Siren.

I am not sure about spaced. Perhaps space-time

love the next couple of lines

Lovely
Cyn

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Siren,

I like this ... you can sense your love through time and space.  That would take a very special love.  *smile*

You may use or lose the suggestions below.  

{omit}[add]

Across oceans,
through spaced time difference This doesn't quite work for me ... What about: 'through time's continuum'?
I sense your call
like ripples forming in my dormant heart.

Your lonely heart beckons mine in silence, What about replacing 'heart' with 'beat'.  It would allude to the same thing, add alliteration, and avoid another use of 'heart'.
beseeching requitance.

"I'm thirsty!" you cry.

Lonely too,
I can't help but reply:

Quench your thirst
with the nectar of my open lips. May be just preference, but I would omit 'open'.  

Drown your sorrows
in my welcoming softness. These lines allude to the open lips from above (not to mention a thing or two more ... lol)

Come...
drink {my}[the] love Can't believe I'm saying to add 'the'!!
from {the}[my] essence {of my heart,}
and nourish your soul
from the willingness [of] mine {offers you}...

Care for me!

I shall[...] {care} for only you[,]
through open space and time!

It would look like this -

Across oceans,
through time's continuum
I sense your call
like ripples forming in my dormant heart.

Your lonely beat beckons mine in silence,
beseeching requitance.

"I'm thirsty!" you cry.

Lonely too,
I can't help but reply:

Quench your thirst
with the nectar of my lips.

Drown your sorrows
in my welcoming softness.

Come...
drink the love
from my essence  
and nourish your soul
from the willingness of mine...

Care for me!

I shall ... for only you,
through open space and time!

I can see two people reaching out to grasp each others hands through time and space ... and the smiles as their fingers touch!  

Ignore the suggestions if you don't agree ... just that opinion of mine!  

Beautifully done!

Cat

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

I see this as two people far apart who can't be together.  She loves him despite the distance between them.


Across oceans,
through spaced time difference ..I agree with the others about spaced time.  How about "through time zones"
I sense your call
like ripples forming in my dormant heart.

Your lonely heart beckons mine {in silence}[silently],
beseeching requitance.

"I'm thirsty!" you cry.

Lonely too{,}[;]
I can't help but reply:

Quench your thirst
with the nectar of my open lips. ...very sensual

Drown your sorrows
in my welcoming softness.

Come...
drink my love
from the essence of my heart, ...you've already used heart.  How about simply "from my essence"
and nourish your soul
from the willingness mine offers you...

Care for me!

I shall {care for only}[cherish] you [alone]
through {open} space and time!

Thanks for the read

Nina

[Siren]

]Love is in the air.

I love this Siren.

I am not sure about spaced. Perhaps space-time

love the next couple of lines

Lovely
Cyn


Hey Cyn,

Yes, love is in the air... :) I guess I was inspired by Valentine's Day. That and I'm a hopeless romantic. LOL!

This is an old poem that I decided to share...

Glad you liked it.

Hugs
Dani

[Siren]

Hi Siren,

I like this ... you can sense your love through time and space.  That would take a very special love.  *smile*

I can see two people reaching out to grasp each others hands through time and space ... and the smiles as their fingers touch!

>>> Cat, I'm so glad this touched you. Your interp touches the base of the poem. There is longing, need to be in physical contact, but time and distance can't allow that to happen and so they reach out and touch on other levels... :)


Ignore the suggestions if you don't agree ... just that opinion of mine!    

Beautifully done!


>>> Are you kidding? Your suggestions are awesome! I will work on a revision with your and Nina's suggestions in mind.

One of the reasons I shared this is because I want to tweak it.

Thanks so much for the help and I'm overjoyed that you saw the beauty in this.

Hugs
Dani

[Siren]

Hi Dani

I see this as two people far apart who can't be together.  She loves him despite the distance between them.

Hi there Nina,

Your vision of this is correct. It's from personal experience of a teenager who was coerced into marrying someone "good for her" (because of family status) instead of the man she loved.

Despite the distance and years that passed by, there is still a connection between them and a need that nothing could affect.

Thank you so much for the help on this one.

HUgs
Dani

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Dani,

I like this ... you can sense your love through time and space.  That would take a very special love.  *smile*

I can see two people reaching out to grasp each others hands through time and space ... and the smiles as their fingers touch!

>>> Cat, I'm so glad this touched you. Your interp touches the base of the poem. There is longing, need to be in physical contact, but time and distance can't allow that to happen and so they reach out and touch on other levels...

At least they have that.  I know what distance can do to a relationship.  *smile*

Ignore the suggestions if you don't agree ... just that opinion of mine!    

Beautifully done!


>>> Are you kidding? Your suggestions are awesome! I will work on a revision with your and Nina's suggestions in mind.

Thanks!  I'm glad I could help.  :sun:  

One of the reasons I shared this is because I want to tweak it.

Thanks so much for the help and I'm overjoyed that you saw the beauty in this.

Your welcome.  And thanks for sharing it!

Cat

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

It's from personal experience of a teenager who was coerced into marrying someone "good for her" (because of family status) instead of the man she loved.

I find it sad that family status should come above happiness

Despite the distance and years that passed by, there is still a connection between them and a need that nothing could affect.

I hope that one day they'll find a way to be together physically as well as emotionally.

Hugs

Nina

[Guest_madruida_*]

Hi! A very nice poem you have here. I so enjoyed reading it.
I have a few suggestions for you to take or leave. In my opinion the stanza beginning with Come
could be slightly changed perhaps to ...

Come
and drink the love
from my essence,
nourish your soul
from the willingness of mine.

Or to ...

Drink the love
from my essence
and nourish your soul
from the willingness of mine.  

I don't think the ellipsis is necessary.

Thank you for the read.

Regards,
Maria

[Siren]

Cat and Nina,

Thanks for coming back to this and for commenting again... :)


Hugs
Dani

[Siren]

Hello Maria,

Weclome to MM... I appreciate your advice and think it might work... I'll take into consideration and hope to read you soon...

Blessings
Dani