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faux-ku, titled haiku/senryu w/word play [ Daniel's 'creation' ] |
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Nov 30 05, 06:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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Hi Daniel,
Welcome back. Good to see you posting again. We've missed you.
ticked off, thanks given hands encircled luscious food; too many seconds
Sounds like the turkey wasn't the only one stuffed at Thanksgiving. ???
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Guest_circumsolar_*
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Nov 30 05, 09:05
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Guest
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hey, these are such fun to read! all that seriousness brain-bashing with 'to ku or not to ku - is that a question?' makes this a pleasant light relief. Have you ever visited the site called 5seven5? poems and replies all have to be in that form, but anything goes.
so, don't know how this'll match up to your hi standards, but here are a few taken and abused posts of mine:
let's do the time-warp again
this piece is unsure of itself, of time, of space: just a little warped
to a vanilla smoothie
i was with you, dude till you went and ice ice'd me baby, too retro
don't peak too soon, boy {grins}
have you a Sherpa to guide your breathless ascent? experience counts
p.m i.m m&m's alergy
this could be construed as internet flirting, no? nuts need not apply
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Guest_circumsolar_*
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Nov 30 05, 11:35
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Guest
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what a boor
the man's such a pig -- displays porcine niceties; makes me quite bristle!
hello sailor
Pop-eye'd with tension needs a little olive oil plain good for the heart
hornblower
this blisterin' rash! a question of sea-man-tics? blast the scurvey dog!
chart-stopping
is Pythagoras listed in Cook's World's who's who? such a cutie pi
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Guest_circumsolar_*
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Nov 30 05, 11:39
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Guest
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oh dear oh dear oh dear
stags, hot 'n' horny (but the doe's just such a moose! ) they're stuck in a rut
okay, i'll shaddup now. these are addictive
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Dec 5 05, 09:12
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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cot cold-handed
he's so licit...Ted stand-in on the street - cornered with too reddened chic s
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Apr 21 06, 10:27
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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web bloggers
melting in the sun icicle ploops in puddle onlooker ducks
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May 6 06, 14:28
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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fie night questin'
edgeless time flows on taking up no space et al will it ever rend?
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Guest_ohsteve_*
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May 7 06, 07:41
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Guest
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Tears Away
Candle in the wind Smoke gets in, your eyes water blown out of proportion
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Guest_ohsteve_*
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May 7 06, 07:44
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Guest
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costly smells
perfume drops on skin odorus concoction smells fine no lingering cents
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Guest_Toumai_*
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Jun 3 06, 02:01
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Guest
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Daniel started a fabulous idea here. I'd completely missed Steve's two - I must catch up more often. One of the Brit broadsheet newspapers has a comp for "haiku" (yes, they admit that the def'n is not technically accurate, for any purists) that represents news matters. http://books.guardian.co.uk/games/haiku/Might be worth a go? Fran
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Jul 26 06, 19:08
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hey, y'all... Sorry I've not been about these parts. Don't want any of you to think I don't appreciate your pieces. Each one has a very good bite! Well-done! Here's a bit of a stinker that occurred to me a couple of weeks ago: a void flyingoversees hijack scared everything out of him; stays in continent runnin' off sLightly, Daniel B)
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Aug 21 06, 10:51
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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General Milling
Total employ meant affirmative action clan produced lively 'hood
© MLee Dickens'son 21 Aug 2006
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Aug 25 07, 15:04
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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How about I celebrate a year away from this thread with something that I just discovered in the corners of my file ~ some of my earliest faux-ku:
bad vibes
concentric circles: tattoo artist drew a bead on his next victim.
© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Dec 2002
all eyes
underground tube-ers just sit and root for their star, a veggie tater.
© Daniel J Ricketts 29 Nov 2002
asp oration
Cleo’s craft blue last up t’a Nile later; she’d lost wind around the neck
© Daniel J Ricketts 11 Dec 2002
blindly speaking
email address lists (sent parenthetically) will remain private
© Daniel J Ricketts 17 December 2002
colored comments
it’s hard to couch words - azure well a-wear, Priceless - in envy-green pads
© Daniel J Ricketts 17 Dec 2002
friend ships
a precious voyage fellowship and sistership sternly steered, by God
© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Feb 2003
I m patient
I see you can’t hear; be patient, or you’ll become one -- I hear you can’t see.
© Daniel J Ricketts 02 Feb 2003
gossip’s fall
light breezes through trees, unsettling tail-baring; note whispering leaves
© Daniel J Ricketts 23 Feb 2003
marely cloud?
drinking thunderheads frolicking in whited fields; mere ‘altered vision?
© Daniel J Ricketts 01 March 2003
oh bleak!
kept by my bias, from seeing right angles, I die agon-ally
© Daniel J Ricketts 20 Dec 2002
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May 2 12, 11:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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why-died
ever seed fear? look at pupil die-laters taken hostage
© MLee Dickens'son
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May 3 12, 07:59
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,440
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel, nice creation and lots of fun. Mind if I try?
Ho's stage is taken Street corner lights a broad way play is expensive
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May 3 12, 11:57
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (Larry @ May 3 12, 08:59 ) Ho's stage is taken Street corner lights a broad way play is expensive Good start, Larry. Two suggestions: 1. Make TWO observations; one takes two lines and the other one (usually from just a slightly different perspective of the same event or entity) in one line. It doesn't matter whether the first one is in one or two lines, just so the second one is in two lines or one. Okay? 2. You need a TITLE also, and it must be or have a play on words as well. Unlike with traditional senryu or haiku, which have no title; faux-ku MUST have a title and it must contain a play on words. perhaps something like this: two bit parts
street hos' stage taken where lights corner a broad way; expensive playHappy ho-ku-ing... deLightingly, Daniel
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May 3 12, 13:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,440
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel,
Thanks for the info. I didn't put "street" on the first line because it was not contained in your last line (or does that matter in this thread?)
How about this title and revision.
curb appeal
ho's stage is taken. street corner lights a broadway play that"s expensive.
Larry
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May 7 12, 08:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,902
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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no mutter
if you've no mind does it really matter? take that stray pup's brain
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May 10 12, 14:00
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,440
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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doggerel
abrade that stray pup! add rice and various herbs, pet a full stomach
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