 In spring I wonder how… |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
| Guest_iverhyck_* |
 Apr 26 10, 03:01
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#1
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 In spring I wonder how starlings make sounds, So angelic, lovely, fragile. How? Trying to be kissable, these black boys Dance miraculous steps, jump for joy. Strange short gurgles mixed with pure songs, When they cuddle their brides, can’t daunt. |
  
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Apr 26 10, 16:57
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#2
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Hello Konstantin,
I really like this. So one of the signs of Spring is the presence of starlings? My nits on this is the capitalization of every line. In Spring I wonder how starlings make sounds. Angelic, endearing, fragile... How, trying to be kissable, these black boys dance miraculous steps; jump for joy. Strange short gurgles mixed with pure songs. When they cuddle, their brides can't daunt. I made a few changes which to me helped me absorb the imiage better. Ofcourse, take or toss and it was nice seeing a sign of Spring through this blend. Dani ·······  ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner     |
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Apr 28 10, 12:51
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#3
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 Egyptian Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry |
Very nice little poem, Iverhyck. I liked it. We don't really have four seasons. Just two and some years it is just one.
Sergio ······· ······· |
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