Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > All posts by a member
| Posted on: Jun 18 10, 00:09 | |
 Babylonian  Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992 
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Thank you so much Cleo for your comments, I like the idea of changing the word before rainbow and will work on that, as far as the semi-colon, I need to grasp the idea of how to use those. I will definately use your critique and learn from it. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122012 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 17 10, 23:52 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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I am so glad you decided to write these stories. This one fascinates me, as I can't imagine living like that. You did a great job telling the story and using the right discriptive words. It as if i was there. Keep writing, I enjoy your stories of your neighborhood. Hugs love kimi |
| Forum: Short Stories & Chapters for Critique ->... · Post Preview: #122009 · Replies: 9 · Views: 11,582 |
| Posted on: Jun 10 10, 03:11 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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I really like this, It is sad and showed me how a loved was loved and lost in three seasons. I am not sure if I interpreted correctly. I Loved how you used such few words to show the emotion the person felt. Hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121865 · Replies: 15 · Views: 8,006 |
| Posted on: Jun 10 10, 03:00 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Karen Nice to meet you and look forward to reading your poetry. kimi |
| Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #121864 · Replies: 9 · Views: 12,187 |
| Posted on: Jun 9 10, 03:03 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Steve I don't think you are being rude at all, it is far better to write for yourself. I like the free verse. And writing what comes to mind. Don't stop. Hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121855 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,363 |
| Posted on: Jun 8 10, 14:23 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Snow thank you so much for your comment. Hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121843 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 7 10, 03:37 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Steve - I noticed you use a varied syllable count and some lines rhyme and some do not. The first thing that came to my mind was a person with Alzheimers. I am very interested in the meaning of your poem. I am intrigued. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121828 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,363 |
| Posted on: Jun 7 10, 03:05 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Daniel, I am relieved to hear I am improving, I appreciate your in depth critique. At the moment I am working on the basics. But will tuck this away with my other teachings, and will learn this type of writing. It is overwhelming to see how many styles of writing poetry there are. Thank you so much for taking the time to show me a way to improve. Hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121827 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 7 10, 02:55 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Robin, Your comment made me smile ( really big). Thank you for giving me the self esteem to keep writing. I am sorry I did not make it longer. lol. I would still be writing it. A big Hug kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121826 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 7 10, 02:52 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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HI Steve, Your comment touched me deeply. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It means alot to me that you liked it, you have helped me so much in my writing. I have all of your critiques printed off and use them often. big hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121825 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 7 10, 02:47 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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QUOTE (Alan @ Jun 5 10, 16:20 )  Dear Kim, Well, you certainly are a fast learner ! This is very good. Justg a few thought in case you like them, but yours to toss ! I see His thumb-prints everywhere - looks like there is a hyphen due there ? from azure depths to heaven's stairs. The rainbow in a blackbird's wing, - blackbird one word horizons with their endless seams; - seems like a continuance, so ";" WHILE prairie flowers sing to me, - while carries on the thought ? with southern breezes wild and free. With every breath that I release, - that is released - to get the perfect rhyme ? all trace of doubt is quickly fleeced. Love Alan Hi Alan - Thank you very much for the suggestions. I used all of them except for the hyphen in the word 'thumbprints'. I had to look this one up myself. hugs, kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121824 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 6 10, 02:37 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Robin, don't throw this away. I can't help much in skills lol, but every part of this touched me in one way or another. The wind is my nemesis, I love to watch the squirrels digging their little holes for the stash they found. Flowers are my favorite, if you watch them close enough they will give out secrets. Your last stanza is amazing. In fact the entire meaning of this poem facinates me. You seem to write with such ease. Ok I will jump down from my soap box. Loved it and lived it hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121795 · Replies: 27 · Views: 11,336 |
| Posted on: Jun 5 10, 15:34 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Alan Glad I could put your mind at rest. :) And I will take your suggestion as my next subject. Thank you Hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121782 · Replies: 14 · Views: 9,145 |
| Posted on: Jun 5 10, 15:28 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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I have taken all critiques seriously and did my best with this poem, with help from a friend. I hope I have been able to take what I have learned and was able to apply it in this poem. I am working on syllable count, showing and not telling, rhyming, discriptions and also words that speak up and down in tone. Thumbprints I see His thumbprints everywhere from azure depths to heaven's stairs. The rainbow in a blackbird's wing, horizons with their endless seams; while prairie flowers sing to me, with southern breezes wild and free. With every breath that is released, all trace of doubt is quickly fleeced. Kim Rodriguez June 2010 |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121781 · Replies: 15 · Views: 9,746 |
| Posted on: Jun 5 10, 15:20 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Anaisa Thank you, I two feel snow's critique helped a great deal, I am currently working on a revision. I hope to have it done soon. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121780 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 4 10, 23:51 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Alan, I truly enjoyed reading this, to me you used a very unique way for the reader to draw upon the subject matter. I may not know much of poetry writing, but I admire how your poem flowed as I read it, and the choice of words was perfect. I couldnt help but smile as I read it. Frustration is all over it. :) Hugs Kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121758 · Replies: 14 · Views: 9,145 |
| Posted on: Jun 4 10, 23:45 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Dear Snow, Your critiques have helped so much. I hope you dont mind that i printed them off to keep. I really like the changes you made and can see the difference between the two. Choice of words make or break it, and I need to stay away from the basic terms and not repeat myself. Thank you so much. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121757 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 4 10, 23:41 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Daniel, Thank you very much for your feed back, and yes I understand and will start working on another one, I will try to use showing and not so much telling. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121756 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 4 10, 23:38 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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QUOTE (Alan @ Jun 4 10, 00:51 ) Dear Kimi, Thank you. The main thing I hope to do is even more basic than technical. The sort of kind and helpful comments you've had here might put a new writer off, but please do not let this happen to you. All of us bother to point out things like show/tell BECAUSE we see merit in your work, rather than the opposite. There are plenty of poetry sites where some specialize in tearing work, and the poet, to pieces, why, I do not know. Here, it is rather like a jeweller polishing up a diamond in order to bring up the highlights, and to reveal the true worth in a rough gem. So take this as huge encouragement, rather than a downer ! You clearly have something to say, which is the first requirement of a poet, so keep saying it ! Love Alan Alan, I would very much appreciate the basic, and not to worry about putting me off. I very much enjoy this site and all it has to offer. I also do not understand the tearing down the poet. This site has so many gifted poets that I am learning just by reading alot of what is posted. Thank you for the encouragement, and I look forward to your comments. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121755 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 4 10, 00:01 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Steve I am glad I found this. It brought back a lot of memories of growing up. I found only one thing that I can critique and that would be using too many words to describe one object. It leaves very little to the imagination and stops the reader from absorbing the flow of the story. I loved this short story, it had a lot of action and memories in such a short space. hugs kimi |
| Forum: Short Stories & Chapters for Critique ->... · Post Preview: #121740 · Replies: 5 · Views: 8,394 |
| Posted on: Jun 3 10, 23:23 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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QUOTE (Peterpan @ Jun 3 10, 14:07 ) Love it. I will be back. Hugs Bev Hi Bev, Thanks for stopping by, i am so glad you liked it and i look forward to your feedback. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121734 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 3 10, 23:21 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Robin, Thank you so much for sending me to anaisa's poem, i read it over and over and am getting a feel for showing and telling. It was a perfect poem for me to see the difference. showing and telling is something i was not aware of and i can see how it changes the poem. many thanks. hugs kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121733 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 3 10, 23:18 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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QUOTE (Alan @ Jun 3 10, 04:58 ) Dear Kimi, I want you to know that I read your poems, but find it very difficult to comment as you clearly have a strong faith which I simply do not share. I feel I would be treading on egg-shells, and although you may well say your OK with that, I feel I am not .... Love Alan Thank you alan for your honest comment, i completely understand. if you are able to assist me with the technical aspect of my writing, i would appreciate it. hugs Kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121732 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: Jun 2 10, 02:19 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Comfort in the Sand They walk the sandy desert Searching for love, affection. Empty stomach, empty heart matted hair, skin with infection. A young soldier in the desert weary, alone and very brave. Lonely mind, lonely heart losing friends he could not save. Soldier and dog find each other seeking comfort in the middle of war. The maker of the stars looked down with love for He knew each was worth fighting for. Kim Rodriguez |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121710 · Replies: 14 · Views: 7,985 |
| Posted on: May 28 10, 01:40 | |
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Babylonian Group: Platinum Member Posts: 79 Joined: 31-December 09 From: montana, USA Member No.: 992
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Hi Robin, This is beautiful. I love the message in your poem. For God to breathe His word in us, so we become stronger in our faith. hugs Kimi |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121642 · Replies: 14 · Views: 8,508 |
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