Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less] Options

[JustDaniel]

Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.

Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long.

I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th.

At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:


Stumbling

Stumbling into growth
may be bloody painful stuff,
but scars remind me
this vulnerability
opens my heart to loving.

© MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002



Jesus’ Earthy Dad

kept her a virgin
miraculous conception
of Mary’s Joseph
whose union was further blessed:
four sons and unnamed daughters

© MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003

- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3



annuals vs. perennial

‘lovers’ seek to come
seasoned and with wild bouquet
pretending to root;
a love is but one… who blooms
when planted in nurtured ground

© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003

[JustDaniel]

Lori... since you've asked about Tanka (and I'm no expert)... let me merely offer a few of mine... some tongue in cheek and some serious:

casting wile d'autres

small stones gave holeness
to old homes’ naked windows
when I was a stud;
some of us got our rocks off
or went on flings diff’rently

© M Lee Dickens’son 12 Dec 2003

dancing thoughts

though eye'd love to watch
feet would far more rush to join
and arms long to hold;
nose knows ascent of its own
and fingers ache but to touch

© M Lee Dickens’son 16 May 2004

do the arithmetic

teach the hollowness
of dull, worn mathematics...
students age, crumble,
ourselves spent, bent willows
who’ve wept till our branches droop

© MLee Dickens’son 27 June 2009

composed of Ten Words from Jack LaZebnik’s The Day the Tree Fell Down:
age, wept, branches, dull(ed), mathematics, bent, hollowness, crumble(ing), ourselves, worn

LIGHT + TRIALS = growth

Light is where He dwells;
it shines indescribably.
God leaves us speechless:
Holy, Unapproachable…
though His arms reach out, embrace.

Trials provide growth:
review in Dark what we’ve learned
in Light, His presence;
all difficulties purpose
lasting fruit. That’s holiness.

© Daniel J Ricketts 29 May 2005

[JustDaniel]

boundaries

many a kiss
becomes a wake-up slap
boundaries
define who we're not
where we'd like to be

© MLee Dickens’son

[JustDaniel]

re-membered

remember:
days when you ran
with the wind
they have passed away
like your knees

© MLee Dickens'son 2012

[Alan]

I can't
like your knees
gnarled
and knobbly
unneccessarily so

Alan

Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ?

[Larry]

Standing among stumps
where a forest once florished,
life has departed.
Looking for the reason why,
eyes are blinded by my tears.

[JustDaniel]

I can't
like your knees
gnarled
and knobbly
unneccessarily so

Alan

Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ?

The length of your lines here would be fine, in and of themselves, Alan. However, there is usually a PIVOT at the third line, so that the first three lines each are a self-sufficient part of ONE observation, and either the last two lines, OR the last three lines (using the third line in both pictures) each form a self-sufficient part of ANOTHER observation. Does that make sense? [ I picture a tanka kind of as a haiku/senryu with two long lines as an additional (or part of another) observation of the same phenomenon. ]

Let me ATTEMPT to use your pictures to give an example of this:

it is painful
to like your knees
since they're gnarled
they seem knobbly
so unnecessarily

deLighting in your sharing, Daniel

[Larry]

Pictures are painted
depicting what artists see
or wish to reveal.
Beauty is self-evident
but epiphanies take time.

[JustDaniel]

a yellow splash
on an indigo canvas...
epiphany
a burst of radiance
comes out of the blue

[JustDaniel]

A Current Scene

Look at your King...
shall I crucify him?
"Our king is Caesar!"
The government nails the Lord
in the mix with criminals

© MLee Dickens'son 2013

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

Timely and nicely done! I'll have to get back to you with a continuation of your post.

Larry

[JustDaniel]

Thanks, Larry. I tried to utilize an old story to demonstrate a current reality as well.

whitehousewash

scrape away lose flecks,
gouge out rotted ugliness;
paint an undercoat
caulk fills damage, prevents more;
final coat hides multitudes

[Larry]

in de finite life

multitudes hide coats
in moth-proof summer storage
to further the life
of dead animals and plants
pausing and stemming decay

[JustDaniel]

since dogwood decayed
he constructed a cathouse;
good for his business
as his wife watched it grow
he ended in the doghouse

[JustDaniel]

fulfilled prophecy

lots cast for his clothes,
"I thirst" and "It is finished,"
soldiers pierce his side;
mourners entomb his body...
three days later, "He's alive!"

© MLee Dickens'son 2013

Meditation on Psalm 22, Zech. 12 and John 19

[JustDaniel]

three weeks later
I'm still here in rehab
to have my IV's:
simply antibiotics
for body to stave off staph

[Larry]

Christmas time is near
but people seem to forget
the season’s meaning
with what’s found under the tree
instead of the star on top

[JustDaniel]

star studded at top
of the football team's roster
can't carry the ball
but no one expects him to;
he protects the quarterback

[Larry]

get a quarter back
when you’re buying a new car
and you pay with cash
so when you get a flat tire
you’ll always have some spare change

[JustDaniel]

change your spare often
by rotating the new tires
to even their wear
so everything is balanced
though your checkbook may not be