3/4/16 Times 10, Colorful Options

[Merlin]

Here's a trio. The first 2 are in the Facebook section. Third isn't. Go ahead and break the hard-clad rules and comment as you wish, including critique.

1
Wild Horses

Violet twilight!
Horses,
dark horses, pale horses,
sorrels, bays, pintos and blacks,
tramp and trot thru meadows and woods.
Wild.
Foals at play, pace, prance
and frolic. Dams keep
watchful eyes on coltish antics. (original = activities)

Humming a parting tune, the sun sinks
as darkness grasps firm handholds.
A moon slice cringes near a cloud;
stars strive to make dark sparkle.

violet, twilight, horses, pale, tramp, pace, hum, grasp, cringe, strive.


2
Los Caballos

Twilight fades. A pale violet moon
casts shadows across the valley.

Sometimes they remind me of you:
grasping unattainable castles,
cringing at thoughts of failure
while striving to catch comets.
We tramped thru hum-drum,
kept pace with trend setters,
wined and dined and danced.

Violet moonlit shadows wander the valley;
what peace there is in watching horses.

twilight, pale, violet, grasp, cringe, strive, tramp, hum, pace, horses.

3
When I was a Lad.

Often would I tramp
over meadows and find
violets amidst pale pink
clover reaches
when I was a lad.

Stopping by the creek
where cattle and horses drank,
I lingered a while, shirtless,
watching hummingbirds
perform aerobatics (original = sky antics)
when I was a lad.

Lady Killdeer nested somewhere
among pebbles, camouflaged.
She'd cringe in my presence,
using her “broken wing” ruse
to lure me away
when I was a lad.

Striving for freedom
is a shared dream,
and I set my pace
to sunshine and green,
grasping tree limbs
on my way to the top
when I was a lad.

At twilight time
when Mr Artisan Sun
disappeared down west,
I too made my way
back home
when I was a lad.

tramp, violets, pale, horses, hum, cringe, strive, pace, grasp, twilight.



Alternate and original trial version below>>>

3
– When I was a Lad. –

Often would I tramp over meadows and find violets amidst pale pink, fragrant clover reaches,
– when I was a lad. –

Stopping by the creek where cattle and horses drink, I lingered a while, shirtless, watching hummingbirds perform sky antics,
– when I was a lad. –

Lady Killdeer nested somewhere among pebbles, camouflaged. She'd cringe in my presence, using her “broken wing” ruse to lure me away,
– when I was a lad. –

Striving for freedom is a shared dream, and I set my pace to sunshine and green, grasping tree limbs on my way to the top,
– when I was a lad. –

At twilight time when Mr Artisan Sun disappeared down west, I, too, made my way back home,
– when I was a lad. –

tramp, violets, pale, horses, hum, cringe, strive, pace, grasp, twilight.

This is an experiment to see if it works. I have it in the other version also, V1 below >>>

Often would I tramp
over meadows and find
violets amidst pale pink,
fragrant clover reaches,
– when I was a lad. –

[Merlin]

Arrrgh! Durn things. I know I took that comma out, but it must have snuck in when I looked the other way.
Well said - you can always remove unwanted ones.

Thanks

M