Donkeys Cheat At Cards, Wizard Award Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© James Oxenholme, 2004. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an incomplete and unpublished work, in order to elicit critical assistance, only.


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Disclaimer: IMPORTANT...

Our legal advisors have instructed us to issue the following statement:

This poem is a work of fiction. It, in no way, means to imply any doubt as to any donkey's integrity whatsoever. The writer, his editor, his agent, his publishers, his printers, his distributor, his wife, his cook and her lover all acknowledge to every possible degree, that donkeys are thoroughly good eggs and would never cheat at anything (maybe with the exception of a carefully selected bray at a strategic moment in “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire“.)

Of course, mules are different. They are cheating little devils and should never be trusted at Happy Families.

Chris Tarrant is not 97 (nor a donkey) (Not even a mule) (Not even the right leg off one) (Honest!)

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Ref: RL 0190 AE
Start Date: 21/10/2004
Update: 07/01/2005

Thank you to those people who have critted hitherto (John, Fran and Nina). I have adopted some suggested changes, re-structured the verses, slightly changed the title and tried to make it smoother to read. Any new errors, or remaining old ones? Please tell me. Thanks, James.



*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Why Donkeys Cheat At Cards
by RL

Six people in a circle -
each looking just like Sweep.
Two scythes; one sickle;
three Woodentops and Bo Peep

In your local superstore, sit
in the Black Department.
Take your pumpkin and park it;
wheels in pink cement.

We took off via the card deck,
soared high above the clouds.
Oh my Lord, oh what the heck!
Heading for Turin’s Shroud!

We ate all our jelly;
crawled out from the ferns;
ran from Goa to Delhi -
with blotchy-green sunburns.

Three dogs, two cats and a fish
were sipping cognac quietly,
when Tabby said this to Misch:
That lobster looks too sprightly.

He jumped out of the water,
somersaulted over Everest;
found he had a daughter,
though sadly not the cleverest.

So if your cave man asks you
Why donkeys cheat at cards?
remember red rabbit stew;
redeem blue meters for yards.

The moral of this elusive tail,
grinned the face of Cheshire Cat -
is never trust a killer whale,
who wears a fez - not like that!

(end)

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Notes:

"Sweep" is the dog in the Sooty Magic Show (Sooty is a bear and Soo, a Panda)
"Cheshire Cat" - from Alice.
Goa - southern coast of India, ex Portuguese territory.
Tommy Cooper (brilliant top Brit comedian) wore a fez and his catchphrases were "just like that" and "not like that - like that!" (Thanks Nina!)
The Woodentops were peg-doll characters on children's tv in the 1960s. (A Woodentop, is also the CID name for uniformed policemen, because of their large helmets - but that is incidental).
Tesco is the UK's largest retailer and the World's third largest.
Everest is the World's tallest mountain.
"Bo Peep" is a nursery-rhyme character - a shepherdess.
"Tabby" is a name for a common cat.
"Misch" is an abbreviated name of one of my dogs. (The other looks like Sweep!)
"Cognac" is an especially good brandy - from the Cognac area of France.
Apparently, jelly in American means jam (a fruity preserve - like my brain) and jelly in America is called “Jello, ” if Fran remembers it rightly.

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Original Version posted on MM:
Reference: RL 0190 AD

Donkeys Cheat At Cards
by RL

Six people in a circle -
all looking just like Sweep.
Two scythes; one sickle;
three Woodentops and Bo Peep

We took off via the flight deck,
soared high above the clouds.
Oh my God, oh what the heck!
Heading for Turin’s Shroud!

We ate all our jelly;
crawled out from the ferns;
ran from Goa to Delhi -
all had massive sun-burns.

So if your cave man asks you
Why donkeys cheat at cards?
Just remember rabbit stew;
redeem your meters for yards.

Go into Tesco Hypermarket
ask for the Black Department.
Take your pumpkin and park it;
setting wheels in pink cement.

Three dogs, two cats and a fish
were sipping cognac quietly,
when Tabby said to Misch:
That lobster looks too sprightly.

He jumped out of the water,
somersaulted over Everest;
found he had a daughter,
though sadly not the cleverest.

The moral of this elusive tail,
grinned the face of Cheshire Cat -
is never trust a killer whale,
who wears a fez - not like that!

(end)

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Notes:

"Sweep" is the dog in the Sooty Magic Show (Sooty is a bear and Soo, a Panda)
"Cheshire Cat" - from Alice.
Goa - southern coast of India, ex Portuguese territory.
Tommy Cooper wore a fez and his catchphrase was " not like that - like that!"
The Woodentops were peg-doll characters on children's tv in the 1960s. (A Woodentop, is also the CID name for uniformed policemen, because of their large helmets - but that is incidental).
Tesco is the UK's largest retailer and the World's third largest.
Everest is the World's tallest mountain.
"Bo Peep" is a nursery-rhyme character - a shepherdess.
"Tabby" is a name for a common cat.
"Misch" is an abbreviated name of one of my dogs.
"Cognac" is an especially good brandy - from the Cognac area of France.



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