The Black Pearl, Iambic Pentameter Options

[Guest_Don_*]

The Black Pearl

The model sailing ship of make believe
with crew of free hands, not ancient but old,
display a bony flag on sky bound seas
of lotto treasure chests and rainbow gold.

Our freedom crests on the deep ocean waves
as filled by square rigged sail in nimble breeze,
which wafts a foul fate into blissful state,
as faerie nymphs flit among the trees.

To remain sane, just scheme inane as guest
aboard the vessel, Black Pearl, to inflate
desire, to range and freeboot fabled goods.
The tide is ripe. Sail now, before too late.

© 2007, D.E. Holmes
05 July

Meter: Iambic Pentameter

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi to you too Judi,

I shall add your latest to your previous suggestions toward an improved revision.

As you know, a scansion discussion is in progress. My challenge is not to confuse scansion improvements with others. This may sound like mud, but I choose to debate jgdittiers with what is currently on the table before submitting a more comprehensive revision.

What is not apparent is that this poem is an experiment to see how far touted acceptable iambic substitutions may be pressed.

Per typical real world experiment my choice of words and phrases mucked up the pond, which must be equally addressed.

I certainly do appreciate your participation.

Don