The Black Pearl, Iambic Pentameter Options

[Guest_Don_*]

The Black Pearl

The model sailing ship of make believe
with crew of free hands, not ancient but old,
display a bony flag on sky bound seas
of lotto treasure chests and rainbow gold.

Our freedom crests on the deep ocean waves
as filled by square rigged sail in nimble breeze,
which wafts a foul fate into blissful state,
as faerie nymphs flit among the trees.

To remain sane, just scheme inane as guest
aboard the vessel, Black Pearl, to inflate
desire, to range and freeboot fabled goods.
The tide is ripe. Sail now, before too late.

© 2007, D.E. Holmes
05 July

Meter: Iambic Pentameter

[Guest_Don_*]

Dear jgdittier,

I very much appreciate your calling me on the cadence of my poem. I too enter few contests and am rarely published. Not because I feel inadequate, but I conclude most judges honestly do not know either.

I honestly have never seen anyone tackle a bump Vs intentional substitution. For the type of poetry that you and I prefer, your approach is something of which to take note. I accept your first try to be sing-songy, which is a somewhat forced promotion/demotion, which does encourages IP cadence. I only do this if the format is supposed to be iambic pentameter like sonnets, blank verse, etc. I believe a great deal of this demotion/promotion is a crappy excuse for inability. As you know, my scansion skill sucks, but insist on climbing that greasy pole.

I am very mechanical in using my favorite American Heritage dictionary for pronunciations and ictus emphases. This justifies ignoring dialect, regional, and geographical influences. I use an American Ford manual to work on American Ford brands, so to speak.

I normally do not substitute prolifically when writing iambic. I thought the rules applied to valid substitution should be given a run down the highway. Hence, my missile with excessive substitutions. I am glad you tackled my posted scansion for further discussion.

I think your approach is equal to or more valid than mine.
Intend to return with further discussion.

Don