The Black Pearl, Iambic Pentameter Options

[Guest_Don_*]

The Black Pearl

The model sailing ship of make believe
with crew of free hands, not ancient but old,
display a bony flag on sky bound seas
of lotto treasure chests and rainbow gold.

Our freedom crests on the deep ocean waves
as filled by square rigged sail in nimble breeze,
which wafts a foul fate into blissful state,
as faerie nymphs flit among the trees.

To remain sane, just scheme inane as guest
aboard the vessel, Black Pearl, to inflate
desire, to range and freeboot fabled goods.
The tide is ripe. Sail now, before too late.

© 2007, D.E. Holmes
05 July

Meter: Iambic Pentameter

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Don...

I must say that I ALWAYS love the interchanges between you and Eric. They're an education in themselves. And in this piece I have discovered that faeries is a three-syllable word. I never knew that before! Thank you.

This is a pearl of a treasure as a poem, my friend... but I think it takes a grand stretch to call it IP. You have SO many variations to it in this piece, and some of them don't seem to be within the "acceptible" realm... at least to my ear. BUT if you just didn't call it IP, I'd be satisfied... and your rhymes.... They breeze through the trees... [ Would Eric call my comment something like cheese with brie's lees and a wheeze ] ?

Lightly puffin' on the sales, Daniel