Bridling the Wind -w/edits, sonnet Options

[Michelle]

Bridling the Wind +++w/edits

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with close-knit threads*
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
with kindled dreams and forged their hollow bends*
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
adventures which imagination's spun.*
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.



* = edited lines




+++original

Bridling the Wind

Her kisses moored her children home in bed
away from whirlpool depths and wizard's ire,
while tucks of linen cooled capricious fires
and feather down allayed each flaxen head.
She tethered dreams to earth with threads
from apron strings, for growing up requires
they clamber concrete steps to venture higher;
reality demands its daily bread.

She never gripped a silver spoon until
her children had arrived; she warmed each one
in kilns of dreams and forged their hollow bend
as flat as trowels-- tools that might fulfill
the ventures which imagination spun.
Her children fashioned stairways to ascend.

[Michelle]

Dear Sue, thank you so much for your input into this poem. Your kindness and understanding always encourages me. I've made a couple of edits, including adding a foot to L5. Although, I think this is passable, I think I can get crisper images in the top layer of my sextet and still allude to a deeper meaning. I find that I write slower nowadays, so it may be awhile. Actually, this and my poem Imagine are part of a conversation I'm having with a friend via poetry. We've been responding to each other's poems with a new poem. I already owe a new one in the conversation. I just can't tell you the extent that I appreciate your thoughts.


Ahh Mary, thank you for you kind words. I get to thinking I'm off the wall sometimes. Your response makes me smile, inside and out. Thank you.


Hiya Merlin. I think wizards are extraordinary, even if they are irate or irritated. (smile) Gosh, purple is one of my favorite colors and it would work great their just because, but I associate it with majesty and I can't see how that would fit in this poem. I edited L11 too, but I'm certain that a new vision (including changing my rhymes) could crisp up my intent. I'll be working on it and post it as a new tile down the road. Thank you for helping me improve my poetry, Merlin. I appreciate it very much.


Hey Snow. Thank you for commenting. I'm glad that you like this poem. I think I may have pulled this one out of my mind's furnace before the images were crystallized. (smile) I'll keep fiddling with it. I appreciate your comments.


Great to see you, Liz. I glean so much from your input. I edited L5 and went in the opposite direction - either way has its own logic for me. I also revised L11 and yet, I'm certain I'll revise again before I consider this one finished. As I seem to be pretty slow, I'll repost it later. I had never looked up the accents on clamber before, I don't think I've it in a poem before actually. I've considered using it a coupld times then opted for another word. The accent is on CLAMber or CLAMer. So, I think I'll keep that, for now. (smile) Thanks again, Liz. I value your input.


Thank you all for your help,

Michelle