Wheels of Change [ Revision #1 ], a Revolutionary Rondeau Options

[JustDaniel]

Wheels of Change

A smouldering... a charcoal fire
that heats great iron hoops for tires
to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes
on circled pine, for working folks
to move with freedom — their desire.

Their taxing load, it seems, inspires
new ways of commerce and requires
a new restraint, a gentler yoke —
a smoldering.

Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire
their revolution, yet the ire
of governance will steep, provoke
still more rebellion as he soaks
them... takes a powder... leaves his pyre
a-smolderin'.

© MLee Dickens'son 18 July 2006

at the wheelwright’s shop in Williamsburg, VA
near the Colonial Governor’s Palace.

Original

A smoldering, a charcoal fire
that heats great iron hoops for tires
to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes
on circled pine, for working folks
to move with freedom — their desire.

Their taxing load, it seems, inspires
new ways of commerce and requires
a new restraint, a gentler yoke
— a smoldering.

Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire
their revolution, yet the ire
of governance would soon invoke
new fear, tea-off his subjects, soak
them, take a powder, leave his pyre
a-smoldering.

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Daniel,

The first line is too unnatural for my taste. It is like a judge smacking his/her gavel to bring order and attention to him/herself. Probably mess up your intended rythm to alter.

I wonder about the mixing of oak and pine. "Tea-off" needs clarification for me. I hope it isn't slang.

Thoroughly enjoy the mix of human nature and advance of technology. We are constantly seeking an ease to our load and the authorities are equally diligent with taxation.

Thanks for sharing your excellent skills.

Don

[JustDaniel]

The first line is too unnatural for my taste. It is like a judge smacking his/her gavel to bring order and attention to him/herself. Probably mess up your intended rythm to alter.

[ I always appreciate your impressions, Don. A writer cannot read his own writing without KNOWing his own intent, so others' reactions are essential to 'get out of onesself'. I do hope that the addition of the elipsis takes away the unnatural feeling for you. ]

I wonder about the mixing of oak and pine. "Tea-off" needs clarification for me. I hope it isn't slang.

[ I can understand the qualms of mixing oak and pine, but in fact, according to the wheelwright, the hubs were made of elm (which generally didn't split when driving in the spokes) and was bound on either end with an iron band. The spokes were made of oak and rounded at the edges so as not to pick up nicks from upturned rocks and debris on the road, and the wheel rims were made of strips of pine layered together for their pliability and then ringed with an iron hoop that was made about a half and inch too small, then heated (to expand) and then 'pressure fitted' around the rim. They were called 'tires,' the etymology of that term somewhat uncertain. ]

Thoroughly enjoy the mix of human nature and advance of technology. We are constantly seeking an ease to our load and the authorities are equally diligent with taxation.

Thanks for sharing your excellent skills. - Don

Again, thank you for your diligent visits!

deLighting in the exchange, Daniel

Thank you dear Daniel,

To a little tax on tea
I would never object
for I drink lots of coffee.

Due ya suphose the hullabaloo over tee led us inta bein" a coffee drinkin" country? - Don

That's a very interesting suggestion, Don. I'd never thought of that! I do know that I personally cannot stomach the standard tea that is generally packaged. Somehow it always ends up making me nauseated. I do like green tea and a many varieties of herbal tea, however. Green tea with nothing added is probably my favorite, however. And in the summer, fixing coffee exactly as you like it and then pouring it into a large glass filled with ice creates a wonderfully refreshing drink!

You don't feel so taxed in the aftermath, either.