Wheels of Change [ Revision #1 ], a Revolutionary Rondeau Options

[JustDaniel]

Wheels of Change

A smouldering... a charcoal fire
that heats great iron hoops for tires
to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes
on circled pine, for working folks
to move with freedom — their desire.

Their taxing load, it seems, inspires
new ways of commerce and requires
a new restraint, a gentler yoke —
a smoldering.

Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire
their revolution, yet the ire
of governance will steep, provoke
still more rebellion as he soaks
them... takes a powder... leaves his pyre
a-smolderin'.

© MLee Dickens'son 18 July 2006

at the wheelwright’s shop in Williamsburg, VA
near the Colonial Governor’s Palace.

Original

A smoldering, a charcoal fire
that heats great iron hoops for tires
to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes
on circled pine, for working folks
to move with freedom — their desire.

Their taxing load, it seems, inspires
new ways of commerce and requires
a new restraint, a gentler yoke
— a smoldering.

Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire
their revolution, yet the ire
of governance would soon invoke
new fear, tea-off his subjects, soak
them, take a powder, leave his pyre
a-smoldering.

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Daniel,

The first line is too unnatural for my taste. It is like a judge smacking his/her gavel to bring order and attention to him/herself. Probably mess up your intended rythm to alter.

I wonder about the mixing of oak and pine. "Tea-off" needs clarification for me. I hope it isn't slang.

Thoroughly enjoy the mix of human nature and advance of technology. We are constantly seeking an ease to our load and the authorities are equally diligent with taxation.

Thanks for sharing your excellent skills.

Don