The Poet’s Pallet, Wizard Award ~ The color of his words. Options

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

This is a poem I wrote in October of 2003. It is one I am considering for a first collection of poems and really want to refine it. Thus any and all help will be greatly appreciated. The coloring of each stanza is intentional so you may have to highlight some of them depending on the color of your skins.

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The Poet’s Pallet

The Poet yellow
basks in sunlight
reflecting the beauty
that surrounds him
painting pictures
in season hues
ever mindful
of God's great gifts

The Poet orange
good humor brings
sometimes to share
the joys of play
at others to hide
his pain within
yet gives to us
the gift of laughter

The Poet red
reveals deep passions
tempting us
with erotic tones
lighting fires of
lust and love
his words affect us
and leave us spellbound

The Poet violet
sings of serenity
sharing peaceful moments
with gentle words
reminding us of God's love
and guidance through the storms
the language of hope
that lifts us from despair

The Poet blue
sheds tears for all
feeling our pain
and loneliness
so touching are his words
we can not deny these feelings
born from the depth
of the heart's confusion

The Poet green
lashes out in envy
exposing doubts and fears
seeking sympathy for his suffering
anger revealed when he feels threatened
defending his honor
desperately speaking
to save his dignity

The Poet pink
plays innocently
bringing back memories
of youthful folly
childlike tones bring joy
to transcend time
how we love those moments
to feel young again

The Poet teal
speaks with pride
as he teaches us valued lessons
upon cultures most diverse
much knowledge we receive
and greater appreciation gained
as we begin to understand
the beauty of variety

The Poet indigo
writes beneath the stars
weaving moonbeams
into love's canvas of silk
He speaks of longing
and hearts filled to the brim
of those moments most precious
where life truly begins

The Poet magenta
intrigues the mind
through surreal images
his words make us think
our thoughts dancing
in varied rhythms
as we each draw insight
from our own experience

The Poet black
hides himself well
for he is all colors held within
drawing on each
as he so desires
to feed his own needs
his is a game played out
in deceit to torture innocent minds

The Poet gray
rises from the ashes
speaking boldly of injustice
defending the meek
his words rest upon the sword
slashing through confusion
he battles without as well as within
exposing truths and multiple sins

The Poet white
speaks words of wisdom
he dips into each and every color
upon the Poet pallet
spreading them like raindrops
to help us grow
blessed are we
to receive such nourishment

So many colors upon the pallet
as authors we appreciate this tool
for it releases the creativity within
and the essence of our souls
Be it for ourselves
or unto friends
the magic of words
is a blessing to be told

Thus
choose your colors wisely

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Artwork: Insert photo from movie "Shakespeare In Love"
This was a graphic I created at the time to accompany this poem.

Attached File(s)

 poetpallet.gif ( 52.49K ) Number of downloads: 24

 

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Jackie!

Hi Cathy,

Thanks for the wonderful feedback. You have given me much to think about and I'll be using most of your suggestions. I was pretty new to poetry when I wrote this but decided to place it as is for better feedback.

I have some pieces like that, I just haven't taken the time to go back to them. lol

the {gift}[joy] of laughter Sometimes people don't like to use the same word twice and I didn't know if you were aware you had. This would be a way to avoid that if you wanted to.

I agree. Thanks for pointing it out. Being dyslexic I don't always catch these, especially in my own work.

I didn't realize. You certainly can't tell! *smiles* I know some don't mind repeating words like this and then there some have been taught it's a no-no. I kinda straddle the fence on this one cause sometimes you can't help it or it just feels right.

{lighting}[kindling] fires of
lust and love
his words affect {us} 'effective' instead of 'affect'?
{and} leave us spellbound

I like both of these suggestions

Cool!

The Poet violet
sings of serenity
sharing peaceful moments
{with} gentle words
remind{ing} us of God's love
{and} guidance through the storms
{the} language of hope
{that} lifts us from despair

I see where you are going with suggestions such as these. Sometimes I can write very cryptic poems but at others I feel pulled to more complete sentences (though not totally constructed as such). After reading your notes I am falling somewhere in the middle on this piece. I will most likely use a good share of your suggestions but leave some lines as they are. I appreciate the viewpoint though.

The poem is yours and must remain so. Do what your heart tells you to do. In the end only you know how you want it to come across and how best to accomplish that. *smiles*

One suggestion, if I may. Being dyslexic and a very visual person, I had a little trouble noting your suggestions quickly. Though not necessary it would be helpful if you made them bold. Just a thought to help me. Not everyone has that difficulty.

Oh, I'm so sorry you had trouble figuring out my scribbles. I used to do them all in bold and I couldn't tell you why I stopped but I will remember that from now on.

seeking sympathy for {his} suffering Would omitting 'his' make it sound like he is writing about others suffering, not just his own?

I can understand your thoughts but it was my intent to point out the selfish act in such a poet. (admittedly I have been a green poet at times) I wanted to keep it more personal in that way.

I see your point! In that case, I withdraw my suggestion! lol

anger revealed when {he feels} threatened

But I do like this suggestion.

The Poet pink
plays innocen[ce]{tly}
{bringing back}[seeking] memories
of youthful folly
childlike tones {bring joy}
{to} transcend time
how we love {those moments}
to feel young again

I think I prefer innocently but do like seeking better and the rest of your suggestions here.

That's ok ... it was just a thought! *smiles*

speaks with pride
{as he} teaches us valued lessons

I think "teaching us" might suit me. I think I'll be reworking the rest of this stanza.

That works too ...

into love's canvas of silk 'silk canvas'
He speaks of longing
and hearts {filled to the} brim[ming]
of {those} moments most precious
{where} life truly begins

I like 'silk canvas' and brimming.

*smiles*

{for} he is all colors held within
drawing on each
as he {so} desires

This makes sense. I have a tendency to wander into speaking forsoothly, especially back when I wrote this and still heavy into the medieval genre'.

I just didn't see it as necessary. A matter of preference most likely! lol

So many {colors}[shades] upon the pallet
as authors we appreciate {this tool}
{for} it releases the creativity within
{and} the essence of our souls

I like these suggestions.

Cool!

I love the concept of this poem no matter what. One other thought ... each verse begins 'The Poet "color"'. What about dropping 'The' and just using 'Poet Blue' for example?

I'm so glad you liked the poem as a whole. Will have to think about this suggestion more as having 'The' just seems better for me. But I could be wrong.

Wrong? No ... as a writer it's what we choose to think sounds best for our purpose. All of my comments are based on my opinion only ... I don't see right or wrong when I write or when I crit. It's what YOU think that counts! I just thought it might personalize each 'color' or 'poet', make it sound like you were referring to a person rather than a specific color maybe? Does that make any sense? lol

Thank you for all the time spent doing such a detailed review. It has been most helpful. Hopefully I can do some editing and repost sometime soon.

You are most welcome! I look forward to seeing what you do with it! And thanks for posting, I love the direction you took with it in describing the different outlooks from an artist's POV. Let me know when you post your revision!

Cathy

Hey! My quotes didn't work either! LOL