APRIL WIND Options

[Cybele]

Creaking inn signs, anchored on rusty chains,
whispering leaves in night-deserted lanes,
Soughing and sighing the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domains.

While raucous birds object at break of day
the trees are dancing wildly to her sway.
Whistling and whining the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domains.

At noon the sea is writhing and foam flecked,
the waves grow higher now with spume bedecked.
Roaring and raging the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domains.

At eventide small boats rush helter-skelter
into the safety of the harbour’s shelter.
Groaning and moaning the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domains.

When all forsake the day and trundle homewards,
When all is quiet and gathered safely inwards,
flurrying and hurrying the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domains.

“All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work"



FIRST REVISION With thanks to Alan

Creaking inn signs, anchored on rusty chains,
whispering leaves in night-deserted lanes,
Soughing and sighing, the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

The trees are dancing wildly to her sway,
while raucous birds object at break of day.
Whistling and whining, the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

At noon the sea is writhing and foam flecked,
the waves grow higher, now with spume bedecked.
Roaring and raging, the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

At eventide small boats rush helter-skelter
into the safety of the harbour’s shelter.
Groaning and moaning, the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

When all forsake the day and trundle homewards,
When all is quiet and gathered safely inwards,
flurrying and hurrying, the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace,

Of COURSE I can !

Creaking inn signs, anchored on rusty chains;* -- hanging from their ... I know it loses the seaside connection, but "anchored" stress is all wrong
whispering leaves in night-deserted lanes, -- deserted too long - night-time ?
Soughing and sighing,* the wind keeps a* constant -- comma I think ! a ?
vigil over her domain. -- surely domain singular covers it ? Are there any others .....

While raucous birds object at break of day -- reverse these 2 lines ? While follows .....
the trees are dancing wildly to her sway.
Whistling and whining,* April* wind keeps a* constant
vigil over her domains.

At noon the seas* are* writhing, all foam flecked,
as* waves grow higher now with spume bedecked. -- comma before, or after, "now"
Roaring and raging,* the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

Come* eventide,* small boats rush helter-skelter
to* the safety of their* harbours'* shelter.
Groaning and moaning,* the wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

When we* forsake the day and trundle homewards, -- double "all"
T*hen all is quiet, gathered safely inwards,
in a flurry and a hurry April wind keeps constant
vigil over her domain.

Without edit marks :


Creaking inn signs, hanging from their rusty chains;
whispering leaves in night-time lanes,
Soughing and sighing, April wind keeps a constant
vigil over her domain.

The trees are dancing wildly to her sway,
While raucous birds object at break of day.
Whistling and whining, the wind keeps a constant
vigil over her domain.

At noon the seas are writhing, all foam flecked,
as waves grow higher, now with spume bedecked.
Roaring and raging, the wind keeps a constant
vigil over her domain.

Come eventide, small boats rush helter-skelter
to the safety of their harbours' shelter.
Groaning and moaning, the wind keeps a constant
vigil over her domain.

When we forsake the day and trundle homewards,
And all is quiet, gathered safely inwards,
in a flurry and a hurry April wind keeps a constant
vigil over her domain.

Grace, is there a particular reason for the line break which gives the short end line ? I'm inclined to put a comma after vigil, but not if it remains the first word in the line ! Feels a bit odd ..... Does this look too bad to you ? :

Creaking inn signs, hanging from their rusty chains,
whispering leaves in night-time lanes,
Soughing and sighing, the wind
keeps a constant vigil,* over her domain.

Hope some of this helps - if now, scatter to the winds .....

Love
Alan