As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet, 2nd Revision Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

As The Sun Sets ~ 2nd Revision

The sun succumbs to slumber 'cross the sea,  
reflecting aura'd blaze of brisant hue;  
while creatures snuggle down in den or tree,  
to safely wait for dawn ... then rise anew.  

A robin seeks its nest to rest his wings,  
nocturnals challenge shadows of twilight.  
From arc to orb, the sky in silence sings,  
as shelter's sought beneath a star-filled night.  

A muffled world embraced by dew-flecked veil  
is rudely touched by chilling lustful breeze,  
then kissed by crystal raindrops formed as hail  
which cools the warmest heart with sudden freeze.  

Protection of your arms ... misunderstood;  
soft moon reveals a soul of bitterwood*.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005

As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet ~ 1st Revision
 
The sun will sleep in peace beyond the sea,
reflect its flaming pyrotechnic hues;
the creatures burrow with great esprit,  
kept safe until the dawn ... to rise anew.
 
The robins find a nest to rest their wings
nocturnals challenge shadows of twilight.
From crescent to orb, in beautiful rings,
security sought all through the long night.  
 
A quiet world embraced by dew-tipped veil
is softly touched by cooling lustful breeze,
then kissed by crystal raindrops filled with hail
to cause the warmest heart a sudden freeze.  
 
Protection of your arms; misunderstood
as moonlight shines down on the bitterwood* ...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005

*South American tree with scarlet flowers, yields the bitter drug, Quassia.  




As The Sun Sets ~ English Sonnet

The sun will sleep in peace beyond the hills
when set in flaming pyrotechnic hue;
the flowers will fold their petals ... life still
will protect them 'til dawn, to rise anew.

The robins find hovels to rest their wings
while nocturnals seek challenge in the night.
The moonlight's crescent, in beautiful rings,
is not outshined by panaromic sights.

A quiet world embraced by dew-tipped veil
is softly touched by cooling lustful breeze,
then kissed by crystal raindrops filled with hail
to cause the warmest heart a sudden freeze.

The daylight soon fades, sadly it departs;
eclipsing devotion left in this heart ...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005[/center]

[Merlin]

Hello Cathy,

Congrats on your first sonnet.  For me, I would accept your calling it a "sonnet", without the modifer of "English" or "Shakespearean".  I have this thing - if something is called something, I expect that and not a substitute.  It's like if I were to buy a Ford and find it being half a Chevy, I'd be annoyed.  That is a personal pet peeve - others differ.

That said, I fully agree with Ron's remarks.  Of course, I know Ron from many years back when we were on our now defunct home base.

I have a bit of mileage under me.  My garland of sonnets will be featured in November in a British magazine - Poetry Life & Times, complete with large write-up; I've had the opportunity to proofread it.  Although I've sort of given up critiquing, I could still offer some advice should you desire that.  I headed up the critique workshop on another forum.

If you wish, please advize.  Otherwise, a good first shot.  

Merlin