A Visit, ballade metre with internal rhyme Options

[jgdittier]

A point of light, the jets fire bright,     change fire to flare
we sail the universe.
Those lights we see- our galaxy!        change those lights to the glow
In zillion stars, immersed.

On our return, our "world" will learn
of lesser life in space.
Our visit took a second look.
They are a different race.

The life we met had no flight yet,*
They chose to stare in awe.
When our ship docked, they all flocked, change they all to a huge crowd
entranced by all they saw.
*intergalactic

Their age was stone and that alone
was used when time to build.
We taught them math, the stellar path;
for we are wise and skilled.

They bowed to us and made such fuss    keeping the u sound
as though we were divine.
I'll not deny, was with a sigh,
but their thought, never mine.

We do not know how much they'll "grow".
We saw them near to birth.
I'll no more roam, I'm headed home.
"Goodbye" to planet Earth.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Ron,

I'm sorry I missed this one.  Created quite a picture and I loved
the end.  The rhythm is near to perfect IMO and the rhyme is
great, it all blends so well together.  A wonderful story as well!

A few suggestions to use or lose  :grinning:

{omit}[add]

A point of light, the jets {fire}[flare] bright,
we sail the universe.
{Those lights}[The glow] we see- our galaxy! Avoids repetition.
In zillion stars, immersed.

On our return, our "world" will learn
of lesser life in space.
Our visit took a second look.
They are a different race.

The life we met had no flight yet,*
They chose to stare in awe.
When our ship docked, {they all}[a huge crowd] flocked,
entranced by all they saw.
*intergalactic

Their age was stone and that alone
was used when time to build.
We taught them math, the stellar path;
for we are wise and skilled.

They bowed to us and {made such}[what a] fuss
as though we were divine.
I'll not deny, was with a sigh,
but their thought, never mine.

We do not know how much they'll "grow".
We saw them near to birth.
I'll no more roam, I'm headed home.
"Goodbye" to planet Earth.

Enjoyed the fantasy ... although it might not fantasy be!

Cathy