Obituary For A 20thC Boy, Crits Please. Thanks! Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© Maxine Brockton, 2005. I, Maxine Brockton, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Start Date: 29/10/2004 - Update: 30/06/2005
Revision thanks to: Alan, Grace, Daniel, Cathy, Butch, Lori and Nina.

Reference: MB 0197 AE

Obituary for A Twentieth-Century Boy
by Maxine Brockton

You were:

bitter
light
dark
sad
happy
concerned
fancy-free
sweet

Asteroids clatter among the Universe;
schoolchildren chatter going into class.
Shopkeepers retail their grandmothers;
undertakers detail precisely the hearse.

And so it goes round; no part too grand...
bit at a time; History reclaims her son.
Couple of beers; in drifts Sixties’ song:
Penny Lane cheers out across the sands.

What events between womb and earth?
No pretence of a linear progression -
staggering along; you did your best.
Puck on-song; you’re beaten by girth!

You:

hurt
healed
frowned
smiled
fought
made-peace
cried
laughed

and cried.

Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust,
Earth to Sun;
Universe to cinders.

Big Bang Number Two!
(Any number will do).
Rebirth!
But not us, my friend...

Let’s just hope
Buddhists are right
in the
very long run.

(end)

--------------------------------------------------------------------
References / Inspirations:

“Penny Lane” - The Beatles (Music)
“Across The Universe” - The Beatles (Music)
“Twentieth-Century Boy” - T.Rex (Music)
“Midsummer’s Night’s dream” - William Shakespeare (Play about Magic)
The Buddhist belief in re-incarnation (Religion)
The Christian burial ceremony (Religion)
The Big Bang theory - Astrophysicists (Science)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Previous version on MM (there was an intermediate version which was not posted, too): MB 0197 AC

Obituary for A Twentieth-Century Boy
by MB

You were:

Bitter
Light
Dark
Sad
Happy
Concerned
Fancy-Free
Sweet

Asteroids clatter among the Universe;
Schoolchildren chatter going into class.
Shopkeepers retail their grandmothers;
Undertakers detail precisely the hearse.

And so it goes round; No part so grand.
A bit at a time; History calls back her son.
Couple of beers; in-drifts that Sixties’ song;
Penny Lane cheers out across the sands.

What events between womb and earth?
No pretence of a linear progression!
Staggering along; you did your best.
Puck on-song; you’re beaten by girth!

You:

hurt
healed
frowned
smiled
fought
made-peace
cried
laughed

and cried.

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Earth to Sun
Universe to Cinders

Big Bang No2!
(Ok, whatever number).
Rebirth!
But not us, my Friend...

Let’s just hope
The Buddhists are
right in the
Very Long Run.

(end)

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Up too early this morning so I thought I'd have a look at some of the earlier stuff on MM.  It would take too long to comment on everything , though they are all very interesting to read, so I'm just picking out the ones that particularly make an impression on me, as this one did.

A phrase I love is "the circle of life" which you hint at a couple of times

And so it goes round;

No pretence of a linear progression!
From birth to death, from nothing back to nothing.

You were:

Bitter
Light
Dark
Sad
Happy
Concerned
Fancy-Free
Sweet
I find it interesting that the first word in your description is bitter, a very powerful, angry word that stays in the readers mind all the way through even though you have balanced it out at the end of this verse with its antonym at the end sweet and the other  antonymical see-saw emotions the man goes through in his life-time.

Throughout the poem there is a feeling of bitterness, sadness, disappointment and cynicism and it gives me the image of a decent man who is somewhat lonely and alone and hasn't been given "the best deal in life".  I see him sitting on his own in the pub staring at his almost empty pint of beer, with the Beetles, T-Rex, Queen playing in the background reminding him of the past and how he has missed out somehow on life.

hurt
healed
frowned
smiled
fought
made-peace
cried
laughed

and cried.
again hurt is the word that grabs at the beginning of this verse and the repetitiion of cried being the last thing he does, re-enforces the sadness, regret and depression.

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Earth to Sun
Universe to Cinders
this underlines the finality of it all, then almost as an afterthought you go on to wish there was a chance of rebirth and another shot at life and perhaps a happier more positive one.

Another one of your thought-provoking poems

Nina