A Poet in the World of Reality Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

A Poet in the World of Reality

Poets muse,
waiting:
for inspiration,
enlightenment,
perfection.

I’m impatient,
gossiping
outside school:
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

Poets feel.

I am touched by:
sunburn,
beggars,
gastric ’flu.

Poets notice:
prismatic sunbeams,
striking gossamer;
rainbow magic.

I wonder where
sodding scary spiders
crouch, waiting;
spinning in the shadows
menacing my existence.
So much debris;
so much fear.

Poets brave
the unimaginable:
writing it ...

I take:
children to school,
cat to vet,
recycling to dump,
offence ... too easily.

Poets take:
liberties,
lovers,
drugs,
forever deciding
where to place one ...
    full
         Stop
                .

© Toumai, 2005

Thanks, James, for much-needed pre-crit

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear Alan,

Apologies for the delay in my reply here; doing the headless chicken impressions with school etc this week  

I am shocked to see I have not yet commented - read it, and all the answers, so somehow assumed I was in there.

I frequently do that. I am delighted you managed to leave a crit - thanks.

I think I see one or two places. I'm wondering if the contrast would be stronger if you used not poetS but "the poet"?

Yes, that sounds like it would strengthen it.

Poets muse,  
waiting: -- don't think you need the : here ?

No, probably not, thanks.

I’m impatient, -- see below
outside school:
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

I'm not amused by
gossiping
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

Poets feel. -- Could be a whole verse, to contrast with next :

Poets feel
passion,
the movement of heavenly bodies,
their cousins' most intimate concerns.

Interesting suggestions - ta: will have a play with that

I am touched by:
sunburn,
beggars,
gastric ’flu.

Poets notice: -- del :  thanks
prismatic sunbeams,
striking gossamer; -- only comma   thanks
rainbow magic.

I wonder where
sodding scary spiders
crouch, waiting;
spinning in the shadows -- add ,   thanks
menacing my existence.
So much debris;
so much fear.

I take:
children to school,
cat to vet,
recycling to dump,
offence ... too easily. -- Love this inversion !   thanks  :)

Poets take:
liberties,
lovers,
drugs,
forever deciding -- forever, deciding
where to place one ...
  full
       Stop
              .

Feel free to ignore me, just some ideas. Loved the concept, felt a little more alt/balance was needed.

Thanks very much Alan. I definitely like 'the poet' as an individual and I'll be revising soon I hope ...

Love,

Fran