Voice in the Dark, a LogaRhyme Options

[JustDaniel]

Voice in the Dark

I’m feeling He’s abandoned me;
a spiral down won’t set me free...
I need to cling,
remembering, when I’ve no sight,
the things He’s shown me in the light...
in darkness, sing.

“How can you sing!” a voice may blare.
“It’s obvious He doesn’t care;
just face the facts.”
Amid the drone of dark despair,
a still, small Voice is always there;
on this I act.

God is near the broken-hearted,
hears before a prayer is started...
been there too...
near the one whose spirit’s crushed;
“I’ll never leave you.”  List now… hushed...
He cries with you.

© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Feb 2005
Psalm 34:18

[JustDaniel]

A nice piece, which reminded me of Milton's on going blind.  Competitive similarity no, just the subject and rationalization by God's grace.

S1, L5: I suggest for improved sentence structure:

I need to cling, ( comma equal to word "and")
remembering, when I’ve no sight,
the things.........

I am particularly attached to your capitalization of "Voice" denoting deity.

Thank you, Don, for not putting me in competition with the likes of Milton!  But an interesting comparison in subject matter.  There are a number of hymns that come to mind with the same theme, come to think of it.  Honestly, I miss that kind of hymns in worship these days -- music with words of some substance.

As to the suggestion, I'm not quite sure I understand the improvement in sentence structure.  Perhaps I'm too close to it... BUT your suggestion, however much appreciated, would destroy the metrical pattern.  To me sentence structure is of utmost importance, so if I've violated it somehow, please know that I'd rework it and rework it to correct the problem within the metrical stricture.  Having a piece that is metrically correct without being in correct English is NOT my goal, be assured.

appreciating your Light, Daniel