THE FLAME, Sonnet for Ralph Options

[Cybele]

FIRST REVISION

THE FLAME


Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving face with its
white heat, nor by neglect or my inconstancy
leave you cold. In love’s name
let my gentle fire live in your embrace.


Love is not love, that uncontrolled, consumes
its source of fuel with jealousy and greed,
nor unattended, chokes with noxious fumes
the loving heart on which it needs must feed.

So like the crucible, which holds the gold
protected from the furnace blast – I will,
with tender warmth, your treasured love enfold
until your need of me it quiet and still.

"All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work."

[Guest__*]

Hello Grace.

There are so many beautiful lines here that it would be a shame to edit any of them without altering the meaning which flows through your poem.
I notice though, that you labelled it a sonnet? A sonnet is a specicfic poetry form, written in iambic pentameter. It has a proposition of 8 lines and a volta of 6. It also has a fixed rhyme scheme, depending on whether it's Petrarchan, Shakespearean or Spencerian. Here's the sort of thing old Will might have written. Purely the proposition.
Something like

Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving eye
with heat, nor leave you cold within love’s name

Nor by neglect or my inconstancy
shall  gentle fires expire in your embrace.
Love is not love, when fervent jealousy
consumes itself in Envy’s carapace

A.