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Obituary For A 20thC Boy, Crits Please. Thanks! |
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Guest_Jox_*
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Oct 31 04, 20:05
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Guest

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© Maxine Brockton, 2005. I, Maxine Brockton, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.
Start Date: 29/10/2004 - Update: 30/06/2005 Revision thanks to: Alan, Grace, Daniel, Cathy, Butch, Lori and Nina.
Reference: MB 0197 AE
Obituary for A Twentieth-Century Boy by Maxine Brockton
You were:
bitter light dark sad happy concerned fancy-free sweet
Asteroids clatter among the Universe; schoolchildren chatter going into class. Shopkeepers retail their grandmothers; undertakers detail precisely the hearse.
And so it goes round; no part too grand... bit at a time; History reclaims her son. Couple of beers; in drifts Sixties’ song: Penny Lane cheers out across the sands.
What events between womb and earth? No pretence of a linear progression - staggering along; you did your best. Puck on-song; you’re beaten by girth!
You:
hurt healed frowned smiled fought made-peace cried laughed
and cried.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Earth to Sun; Universe to cinders.
Big Bang Number Two! (Any number will do). Rebirth! But not us, my friend...
Let’s just hope Buddhists are right in the very long run.
(end)
-------------------------------------------------------------------- References / Inspirations:
“Penny Lane” - The Beatles (Music) “Across The Universe” - The Beatles (Music) “Twentieth-Century Boy” - T.Rex (Music) “Midsummer’s Night’s dream” - William Shakespeare (Play about Magic) The Buddhist belief in re-incarnation (Religion) The Christian burial ceremony (Religion) The Big Bang theory - Astrophysicists (Science) ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Previous version on MM (there was an intermediate version which was not posted, too): MB 0197 AC
Obituary for A Twentieth-Century Boy by MB
You were:
Bitter Light Dark Sad Happy Concerned Fancy-Free Sweet
Asteroids clatter among the Universe; Schoolchildren chatter going into class. Shopkeepers retail their grandmothers; Undertakers detail precisely the hearse.
And so it goes round; No part so grand. A bit at a time; History calls back her son. Couple of beers; in-drifts that Sixties’ song; Penny Lane cheers out across the sands.
What events between womb and earth? No pretence of a linear progression! Staggering along; you did your best. Puck on-song; you’re beaten by girth!
You:
hurt healed frowned smiled fought made-peace cried laughed
and cried.
Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust Earth to Sun Universe to Cinders
Big Bang No2! (Ok, whatever number). Rebirth! But not us, my Friend...
Let’s just hope The Buddhists are right in the Very Long Run.
(end)
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Replies
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Nov 4 04, 07:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,923
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori

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Just a quickie, James.
On second look, I think it was only schoolchildren as one word and round without an apostrophe in front of it. However, I do discover that the former can be one word over here too. Just never saw it that way.
I am wondering now, however, why you capitalized so much. It seems to me that most of your 'pile,' as you called it would be more effective without the capitalization... and I'm still wondering about the capitalization after the semi-colon. Is that British, an error, or some kind of purposed emphasis?
needin' Light, Daniel :sun:
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Posts in this topic
Jox Obituary For A 20thC Boy Oct 31 04, 20:05 Cybele Hello James,
I am going to have to copy this an... Nov 1 04, 18:00 Jox Hi Grace,
That is very kind of you; thank you.
I... Nov 1 04, 18:08 Dear James,
This is far too personal to crit, wha... Nov 1 04, 19:01 Jox Hi Alan,
Thanks for poppping in.
You advice (as ... Nov 1 04, 19:24 Dear Night Owl,
Not personal, that's good. I ... Nov 1 04, 19:36 Jox Hi Alan,
Thanks for re-visiting.
"Night Owl"? I ... Nov 1 04, 19:52 Cybele Hello again James,
Well, here's a sunny li... Nov 2 04, 17:52 Jox Hi Grace; thank you very much.
I greatly apprecia... Nov 2 04, 19:11 JustDaniel You have an engaging splash perspective here on yo... Nov 4 04, 06:20 Jox Daniel, thanks very much - but you didn't say ... Nov 4 04, 06:28 Jox Daniel,
Hi and thanks for returning.
To be perfe... Nov 4 04, 09:30 Dear Daniel,
Sorry, no intent to offend :
"As t... Nov 4 04, 11:54 JustDaniel Thanks, Alan...
but if you DO check your "facts" ... Nov 4 04, 17:05 Jox Hi,
No problem at all Daniel. I agree that, for t... Nov 6 04, 18:39 Charon James,
Just dropped by on my way along the long a... Nov 7 04, 14:36 Cathy I want to take a closer look at this and the I... Nov 11 04, 11:44 Jox Thanks for your comments all.
Butch - I will get ... Nov 12 04, 21:35 Cathy I'd say you've run the gamut from happy to... Nov 12 04, 23:09 Cleo_Serapis Hello James!
Yes, you have a creative mind and... Nov 13 04, 09:41 Jox Lori, Thanks - I hadn't seen your crit.
I sha... Nov 18 04, 18:58 Jox Hi Lori,
Thank you very much for your kind and de... Nov 18 04, 20:06 Dear Jox,
I think the matter of it being seen as ... Nov 19 04, 02:41 Jox Alan - brilliant on both counts - thank you... Nov 19 04, 12:52 Nina Hi James
Up too early this morning so I thought I... Jun 30 05, 00:49 Jox Hi Butch, seems I owe you an apology - said I woul... Jun 30 05, 02:57 Jox Somewhat belated revision undertaken - thanks all.... Jun 30 05, 03:24 Jox Hi Nina,
Thanks for digging this one up, not leas... Jun 30 05, 04:29 Toumai Hi James,
You have written several on the cyclici... Jun 30 05, 10:50 Nina Hi James
Thank you very much Nina - and another o... Jun 30 05, 11:28 Toumai Hi Nina
I wondered about Puck as in Shakespeare, ... Jun 30 05, 11:34 Jox Hi Fran,
Thanks for your visit.
>F>You have writ... Jun 30 05, 12:36 Jox Hi Nina,
Thanks for returning.
>N>I had another ... Jun 30 05, 12:49 Jox Hi Fran,
>F>I wondered about Puck as in Shakespea... Jun 30 05, 12:54 Nina Hi James
Thanks your explanation to Fran makes pe... Jun 30 05, 13:02 Jox Hi Nina,
Thanks for your thanks!
>N>makes pe... Jun 30 05, 13:07 Nina Hi James
Nina, I'm horrified! That's ... Jun 30 05, 13:25 Jox ROFL!
Good luck - err, you'll need it... Jun 30 05, 13:36
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