Why, Night? Options

[Guest_blondie_*]

Why, Night?

Why, night,
must you entrap me
with your sickening hug
of coldness
as I cry?
Why, night,
do you hold me
in your ghastly grip
of loneliness?
Your touch has failed me,
holding no comfort.
Release me,
for I want you
no more.
I would rather grasp
his frigid hand
and wipe away
my own tears.

[JustDaniel]

Hey Amy!

Your lines are powerful, as evidenced by the comments you have received.

The ONLY line that jarred me was 'holding no sought comfort' in which it feels as though you're trying to say too much with "sought."  To me it seems both out of pace and unnecessary... but then that's just me.

Hold fast
unto that night
until the dawn,
nor don
a mourning robe
just yet;
that black knight's gone,
so now embrace
this present night.

The Light one will
spring forth
in dew time.

sharin' de Light, Daniel