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Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less] |
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Sep 15 06, 11:23
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,130
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.
Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long. I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th. At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:
Stumbling Stumbling into growth may be bloody painful stuff, but scars remind me this vulnerability opens my heart to loving. © MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002
Jesus’ Earthy Dad kept her a virgin miraculous conception of Mary’s Joseph whose union was further blessed: four sons and unnamed daughters © MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003
- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3
annuals vs. perennial ‘lovers’ seek to come seasoned and with wild bouquet pretending to root; a love is but one… who blooms when planted in nurtured ground
© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003
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Replies
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Feb 14 19, 23:51
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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attracted fingers with all her Rubenesque curves and the thought lingers in my mind but lack of nerves cause tears as the eye observes
How about one that rhymes?
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel Tanka Sep 15 06, 11:23 JustDaniel Lori... since you've asked about Tanka (and I... Oct 4 09, 23:49 JustDaniel boundaries
many a kiss
becomes a wake-up slap
bou... Jan 25 12, 11:15 JustDaniel re-membered
remember:
days when you ran
with the ... Apr 11 12, 07:50 Alan I can't
like your knees
gnarled
and knobbly
un... Apr 11 12, 08:34 JustDaniel QUOTE (Alan @ Apr 11 12, 09:34 ) I can... Apr 11 12, 09:13 Larry Standing among stumps
where a forest once florishe... Apr 11 12, 08:58 Larry Pictures are painted
depicting what artists see
or... Apr 13 12, 14:59 JustDaniel a yellow splash
on an indigo canvas...
epiphany
a ... Apr 18 12, 15:09 JustDaniel A Current Scene
Look at your King...
shall I cruc... Mar 10 13, 19:55 Larry Hi Daniel,
Timely and nicely done! I'll ... Mar 11 13, 09:34 JustDaniel Thanks, Larry. I tried to utilize an old story to... Mar 11 13, 10:44 Larry in de finite life
multitudes hide coats
in moth-p... Mar 11 13, 11:46 JustDaniel since dogwood decayed
he constructed a cathouse;
g... Mar 11 13, 14:00 JustDaniel fulfilled prophecy
lots cast for his clothes,
... Mar 18 13, 08:48 JustDaniel three weeks later
I'm still here in rehab
to h... Dec 15 18, 14:24 Larry Christmas time is near
but people seem to forget
t... Dec 17 18, 16:08 JustDaniel star studded at top
of the football team's ros... Dec 22 18, 20:54 Larry get a quarter back
when you’re buying a new car
an... Dec 24 18, 23:29 JustDaniel change your spare often
by rotating the new tires
... Jan 11 19, 00:56 Larry checkbook may not be
mathematically correct
but wh... Jan 11 19, 16:12 JustDaniel Mafunzalo had
a habit of borrowing
he never paid b... Jan 12 19, 20:44 Larry sew their funzalo
where it will be long enough
and... Jan 14 19, 16:09 JustDaniel funzalo won't sit
well with a neighborhood loa... Jan 16 19, 15:58 Larry you would keep your hands
to yourself in crowded b... Jan 17 19, 23:38 JustDaniel shooting the swallows
frowned on in Capistrano
Goy... Jan 21 19, 15:45 Larry march on the 19th
and you are two days early
for M... Jan 22 19, 23:03 JustDaniel on Sunday you wrest
strange verses from your Bible... Feb 1 19, 09:10 Larry just a pompous ass
is not very descriptive
for Con... Feb 1 19, 22:50 JustDaniel yes, the bray-zen bunch
seem to all be jackasses
a... Feb 4 19, 08:52 Larry Their large derrieres
are covered with big pockets... Feb 5 19, 10:39 JustDaniel interested gropes
are frowned upon by women;
enhan... Feb 13 19, 15:51 JustDaniel tears as eyes see
Kim Kardashian tonight
Fallon do... Feb 16 19, 00:56 Larry packed in their tight suits,
female stars flaunt e... Feb 17 19, 23:13 JustDaniel I'll be caressing
without any confessing
... Feb 18 19, 09:41 Larry any strife will stir
pain or anger will occur
and ... Feb 18 19, 20:03 JustDaniel when you are speaking
if you rope in your vowels
y... Feb 21 19, 16:10 Larry vocalize all night
if you are a coyote
with the mo... Feb 23 19, 16:01 JustDaniel if you eat oat pie
you are poorer than I am
try a ... Feb 24 19, 05:03 Larry make a flush and feel
that you have a winning hand... Feb 25 19, 16:27 JustDaniel when four asses land
in the four-seater out house
... Feb 26 19, 02:08 Larry before you are out
from swinging bats through the ... Feb 27 19, 16:08 JustDaniel ball with no cover
and everyone will see you
do it... Feb 27 19, 23:58 Larry her privacy gives
sufficient time to enjoy
the res... Feb 28 19, 22:38 JustDaniel old age might annoy
Lori so she doesn't look
d... Mar 1 19, 10:33 Larry oozes on the page
are unctuous platitudes
which ma... Mar 3 19, 14:56 JustDaniel having gratitude
is the surest way to peace
the wo... Mar 4 19, 18:16 Larry lost all their marbles
when the ruling was announc... Mar 5 19, 18:01 JustDaniel he said heads would roll
and Old MacDonald proved ... Mar 6 19, 00:39 Larry because it will hold
pomade is good for the hair
a... Mar 6 19, 23:11 JustDaniel I don't have enough
that would ever make it li... Mar 7 19, 15:07 Larry that I did not shave
is what I hear from my wife
‘... Mar 10 19, 11:22 JustDaniel I guess that my life
is not so complicated
my wife... Mar 15 19, 14:44 Larry it makes me bristle
when I walk through the tall g... Mar 17 19, 16:52 JustDaniel lawnmower needs gas
back yard looks like a wheat f... Mar 18 19, 15:52 Larry head of the owner
is now shining and sunburned
and... Mar 21 19, 08:08 Larry now he has learned “but”
should not be found at th... Apr 11 19, 22:12 JustDaniel send an afterthought
some time after digesting
get... May 27 19, 06:52 Larry just put up a stink
about participation;
it’s not ... May 30 19, 22:25 JustDaniel don't anticipate
anything profound from me;
ey... Jun 1 19, 08:14 Larry clean the pool filter
after the dog swims around;
... Jun 4 19, 14:15 JustDaniel scat all over ground
where the dog took morning wa... Jun 7 19, 10:55 Larry pooper scooper use
helps in keeping your hands cle... Jun 10 19, 22:51 JustDaniel smelling out Ob scene
were homicide detectives
fou... Jun 28 19, 06:18 Larry policemen checked her
on the lighted street corner... Jul 12 19, 21:51 JustDaniel John caught joinin' 'er
ended up in the ho... Aug 19 19, 14:03 Larry out of the oven
for the miner infraction
of diggin... Aug 20 19, 12:42 JustDaniel a large infection
found him scratching genitals;
h... Aug 20 19, 21:00 Larry expected bargain
when shopping for what’s offered
... Aug 24 19, 22:36 JustDaniel believe a coffin
will never hold your body?
need a... Aug 30 19, 12:41 Larry view that you will die
because it happens to all
e... Sep 2 19, 15:07 JustDaniel available gall
is shouted in the mean streets
gull... Sep 2 19, 18:10 Larry To adversaries,
I would suggest you make peace
for... Sep 12 19, 10:34 JustDaniel will rivalries cease?
will the Hatfields and McCoy... Sep 12 19, 16:49 Larry their line finds a trace
of reasoning for the feud... Sep 19 19, 13:09 JustDaniel someone must be screwed
for family's seed to p... Sep 23 19, 06:15 Larry Feud emerged screaming
from the peace which used t... Oct 11 19, 14:40 JustDaniel unfeigned hatred
eliminates guesswork
look down th... Oct 14 19, 07:38 Larry collect from your roof
all of the branches and lea... Nov 13 19, 14:40 JustDaniel in long winter, heave
all the snow off your sidewa... Nov 19 19, 05:25 Larry you can’t walk in springs
without getting your fee... Dec 12 19, 00:02 JustDaniel you'll have feet of clay
if you pretend to be ... Dec 12 19, 04:01 Psyche QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Dec 12 19, 06:01 ) yo... Dec 26 19, 11:12 JustDaniel Great to see you visiting in Karnak, Sylvia!
... Dec 27 19, 23:42 Larry Interspersed with twigs
is what's left of my g... Jul 16 22, 15:31 JustDaniel Your line four is a syllable short for the typical... Aug 8 22, 08:08 Larry A hunting license
requires some prerequisites;
the... Aug 9 22, 18:59 JustDaniel Havin' pain ain't fun
nor is an amputation... Aug 9 22, 23:57 Larry Right leg gets cut off
which is a drastic measure
... Aug 10 22, 17:49 JustDaniel minding our treasure
could devolve into hoarding
i... Aug 11 22, 10:04 Larry I haven’t found it
because memory’s hazy
so I’ll j... Aug 12 22, 15:51 JustDaniel Ah, a rhyming tanka! Great job, Larry...
an... Aug 12 22, 20:20 Larry Daniel, I had to pause for a while because your Ta... Aug 13 22, 08:31 JustDaniel she's surely not miffed
for it's being use... Aug 13 22, 12:12 Larry Service now and then
is where I should be going
fo... Aug 14 22, 11:03 JustDaniel He bestows blessing
even when we're not lookin... Aug 14 22, 12:42 Larry Looks like it is rhyme time in Tanka town!
T... Aug 14 22, 17:43 JustDaniel chancy on the lake
if you don't wear a life ve... Aug 14 22, 17:56 Larry A funeral fest
is normally called a wake
but I los... Aug 14 22, 19:29
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