Death Options

[greenwich]

Death is a gentleman in a weathered trench coat.
His sunglasses shield his burning eyes.
The ample holes in his shoe
take in spare souls,
who have wallowed
in their meths misery.
Death has no fear of subways
or crossroads.
His mission is too precise,
conjurer of tricks
repenters can never work it off.
He licks his lips with each given soliloquy
Those are the tastiest of souls
and before you know it
you're hitchhiking to the West
is his way

[JustDaniel]

Greetings again, Anthony.

I find this to be an EXTREMELY interesting piece, and I want to catch more of what you are observing and painting here.

I think that this could better be accomplished if you'd give the reader some clearer direction by means of punctuation. In a few places your words seem to offer a misdirection on first read which could be prevented with just a few bits of punctuation and clarification with capitalizations (or no capitalization and the beginning of lines, unless it's a new thought).

While you consider that, do note that you have two grammatical mistakes:

L2 His sun glasses shield (s) his burning eyes ... and I think you'll find that sunglasses is one word

L4 [holes...] take (s) in spare souls,

Looking forward to an expanded insight here AND to your sharing in others' threads... as well and your responding to Eira and myself in your last post, Testament.

deLighting in your presence, Daniel

P.S. hitchhiking is one word as well, though I think that a very small minority hyphenate it.