Consummation Song Options

[RC James]

In dream nourishing light
I’ll look for you,
away from the center,
on the crowd fringe,
holding a tiny girl’s hand.

You'll sing to her,
and she'll repeat the words,
uncontained, leaping inside,
as your time unfolds
to your mother doing the same,
to her mother,
patiently outlining the way
to a mountain,
illusory to such young eyes.

Ascent is a dance,
halfway, a struggle,
kneeling on the peak,
an invocation.

Unfolding our years now,
I walk the mountain,
trying to arrive
at the cusp of
your slipping away.

[Ali zonak]

Hi, RC James;
I think of your free-verse as a tender write; the only thing that doesn't sound quite right to me--probably due to my inexperience as a reader--is that, in your first paragraph, you speak of yourself in the 1st person and then, in following ones as a "You."
Yours,
Ali

In dream nourishing light
I?€™ll look for you, ....

You'll sing to her, (why not continue: I'll sing to her, rather than creating the illusion of another person or "you"?
and she'll repeat the words, ....