Maneuvers (Revision2) Options

[RC James]

In the front yard of the small hacienda
three couples swing to the Sonidero,
their rhythmic evening cure.

At the mezcal table, downed bottles
in disarray, literary vaqueros revive,
with elan, their grandfathers’ stanzas.

A wispy woman, downplaying arrogance,
stuns the gathering’s hum-drum thought,
moves to the dancers, all intent on conquest;
her stride holds dark rhythms, rebellion.

In the last blush of light, as if expected,
Zapata appears with spurs jangling,
white horse at the gate.

He bows.

The elusive lady dances to history,
in homage to what might have been.

Revolution possesses the general;
inexhaustible, he senses victory.






(orig.)
In the front yard
three couples swing to the cure
of the Sonidero.
At the mezcal table
literary vaqueros testify
to their grandfathers' truths.

A wispy-thin woman
stuns hum-drum thought
as she approaches the dancers,
seduced by dark rhythms,
her movements deft rebellion.

In the last blush of light
Zapata's fantasma appears,
spurs jangling,
white horse at the gate.
He bows, she dances for history
as we wish we'd known it.

[RC James]

Luce - The action is present day, the ghost or fantasma of Zaapata appears. The dancer is anonymous. The revolution would have been successful if history had gone the way I'd like it to have. R

[Luce]

Luce - The action is present day, the ghost or fantasma of Zaapata appears. The dancer is anonymous. The revolution would have been successful if history had gone the way I'd like it to have. R

Your original did not have fantasma in it. It looks like you revised the original but didn't mark it as a revision.

The way it was originally worded, I didn't get the impression it was in present time. If my only clue was the word sonidero, well...it really wasn't enough of a clue for me.

Frankly, I liked the poem because it was set during the Mexican Revolution. A chance meeting between Isadora Duncan and Zapata. Both revolutionaries in their own piece of the world.

Luce