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> Sonnet (with suggested revision), Happy Thoughts
jerryk
post Apr 22 14, 07:09
Post #1


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Revised Sonnet to Happy Thoughts

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And so I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, I'll share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

Sonnet to Happy Thoughts ** original

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.
 
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Larry
post May 2 14, 14:38
Post #2


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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Jerry,

There's not a lot one can crit about with your sonnet because it is in perfect IP and the turn brought a wry smile. My only comment would have to do with all the "first word" capitalizations of each line. I know, some do it and some don't but it may confuse the reader (it does confuse this reader). I try, when reading poetry, to concentrate on what is being said more than the rhyme at the end of each line. When capitalization of each line is used it's like the beginning of a new sentence rather than the beginning of a new line of thought. Punctuation enhances each new thought or phrase and enjambment, when needed, brings a nice thought picture to the mind.

It's probably just me and is no big deal so "tot".

It is a very nice goad to those who would use endlessly overused idioms to express themselves.

Nicely done!

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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jerryk
post May 3 14, 07:22
Post #3


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QUOTE (Larry @ May 2 14, 12:38 ) *
Hi Jerry,

There's not a lot one can crit about with your sonnet because it is in perfect IP and the turn brought a wry smile. My only comment would have to do with all the "first word" capitalizations of each line. I know, some do it and some don't but it may confuse the reader (it does confuse this reader). I try, when reading poetry, to concentrate on what is being said more than the rhyme at the end of each line. When capitalization of each line is used it's like the beginning of a new sentence rather than the beginning of a new line of thought. Punctuation enhances each new thought or phrase and enjambment, when needed, brings a nice thought picture to the mind.

It's probably just me and is no big deal so "tot".

It is a very nice goad to those who would use endlessly overused idioms to express themselves.

Nicely done!

Larry


Hi Larry;

Capitalizing the first word in a line seems to be traditional, and using or not using it is a decision that a poet has to make. It is true that the use of caps is personal, especially so in contemporary sonnets and poems. I have no problem with your suggestion to do away with those caps in this Shakespearean style sonnet. I understand that the first letter's capitalization in each line came about when poets wanted to set their lines apart from all other writings and for other reasons. Thanks so much for your kind suggestion and comment. charliebrown.gif
Jerry

 
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